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be desirous of learning ceived of us.

my friend very inquisirs, brought him some time ers, which he assured him ia Yean Qua Rash Tow, behind by some mistake. translated, and contain servations, which I find ings made during their Britain. I shall present pecimen of them in this communicate more to him of London are the followdoubt are meant of the

t of the town there stands to contain the whole naz. Our good brother E e Rivers, is of opinion it of that great God to whom ings of Granajah and of that it was created with on the same day with the my part, by the best int of this matter, I am apt gious pile was fashioned ears by several tools and they have a wonderful It was probably at first hat grew upon the top of ves of the country (after 1 of regular figure) bored edible pains and industry, = into all those beautiful which it is divided at this rock was thus curiously a prodigious number of employed in chipping the ow as smooth as the suris in several places hewn nd like the trunks of so the top with garlands of that when this great work have been many hundred me religion among this peoe name of a temple, and was designed for men to And indeed there are seveus think that the natives ormerly among them some ey set apart every seventh my going into one of these , I could not observe any n in their behaviour. There black, who was mounted ed to utter something with ce; but as for those underpaying their worship to the were most of them bowing another, and a considerable eep.

country appointed two men enough of our language to stood in some few particuceived these two were great , and did not always agree could make shift to gather at this island was very much rous kind of animals, in the vhigs; and he often told us, uld meet with none of them

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in our way, for that if we did, they would be apt to knock us down for being kings.

Our other interpreter used to talk very much of a kind of animal called a tory, that was as great a monster as the whig, and would treat us as ill for being foreigners, These two creatures, it seems, are born with a secret antipathy to one another, and engage when they meet as naturally as the elephant and the rhinoceros. But as we saw none of either of these species, we are apt to think that our guides deceived us with misrepresentations and fictions, and amused us with an account of such monsters as are not really in their country.

These particulars we made a shift to pick out from the discourse of our interpreters; which we put together as well as we could, being able to understand but here and there a word of what they said, and afterwards making up the meaning of it among ourselves. The men of the country are very cunning and ingenious in handicraft works, but withal so very idle, that we often saw young lusty raw-boned fellows carried up and down the streets in little covered rooms, by a couple of porters, who are hired for that service. Their dress is likewise very barbarous; for they almost strangle themselves about the neck, and bind their bodies with many ligatures, that we are apt to think are the occasion of several distempers among them, which our country is entirely free from. Instead of those beautiful feathers with which we adorn our heads, they often buy up a monstrous bush of hair, which covers their heads, and falls down in a large fleece below the middle of their backs; with which they walk up and down the streets, and are as proud of it as if it was of their own growth.

'We were invited to one of their public diversions, where we hoped to have seen the great men of their country running down a stag, or pitching a bar, that we might have discovered who were the persons of the greatest abilities among them; but instead of that, they conveyed us into an huge room lighted up with abundance of candles, where this lazy people sat still above three hours to see several feats of ingenuity performed by others, who it seems were paid for it.

As for the women of the country, not being able to talk with them, we could only make our remarks upon them at a distance. They let the hair of their heads grow to a great length; but as the men make a great show with heads of hair that are none of their own, the women, who they say have very fine heads of hair, tie it up in a knot, and cover it from being seen. The women look like angels, and would be more beautiful than the sun, were it not for little black spots that are apt to break out in their faces, and sometimes rise in very odd figures. I have observed that those little blemishes wear off yery soon; but when they disappear in one part of the face, they are very apt to break out in another, insomuch that I have seen a spot upon the forehead in the afternoon, which was upon the chin in the morning.'

The author then proceeds to show the absurdity of breeches and petticoats, with many other curious observations which I shall reserve for another occasion. I cannot, however, conclude this paper without taking notice, that amidst these wild remarks there now and then appears something very reasonable. I cannot likewise forbear observing, that we are all guilty in some measure of the same narrow way of thinking which we meet with in


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Torquet ab obscenis jam nunc sermonibus aurem.
HOR. 1 Ep. ii. 127.
He from the taste obscene reclaims our youth.

My fortune, quality, and person, are such as render me as conspicuous as any young woman in town. It is in my power to enjoy it in all its vanities; but I have, from a very careful education, contracted a great aversion to the forward air and fashion which is practised in all public places and assemblies. I attribute this very much to the style and manner of our plays. I was last night at The Funeral, where a confident lover in the play, speaking of his mistress, cries out, “Oh + that Harriot! to fold these arms about the waist of that beauteous, struggling, and at last yielding fair!" Such an image as this ought by no means to be presented to a chaste and regular audience. I expect your opinion of this sentence, and recommend to your consideration, as Spectator, the conduct of the stage at present with relation to chastity and modesty.

'I am, SIR,

Your constant reader and well-wisher.'

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called She Would if she Could. Other poets hav here and there given an intimation that there this design, under all the disguises and affectation which a lady may put on; but no author, exce this, has made sure work of it, and put the ima ginations of the audience upon this one purpos from the beginning to the end of the comedy. has always fared accordingly; for whether it t that all who go to this piece would if they coul or that the innocents go to it, to guess only wh she would if she could, the play has always bee well received.

It lifts an heavy empty sentence, when there added to it a lascivious gesture of body; and whe it is too low to be raised even by that, a f meaning is enlivened by making it a double on Writers who want genius, never fail of keepin this secret in reserve, to create a laugh or raise clap. I, who know nothing of women but fro seeing plays, can give great guesses at the who structure of the fair sex, by being innocently place in the pit, and insulted by the petticoats of the dancers; the advantages of whose pretty perso are a great help to a dull play. When a po flags in writing lusciously, a pretty girl can mo lasciviously, and have the same good consequen for the author. Dull poets in this case use the audiences, as dull parasites do their patrons; wh they cannot longer divert them with their wit humour, they bait their ears with something whi is agreeable to their temper, though below the understanding. Apicius cannot resist being please if you give him an account of a delicious meal; Clodius, if you describe a wanton beauty: thou at the same time, if you do not awake those i clinations in them, no men are better judges what is just and delicate in conversation. But as have before observed, it is easier to talk to t man, than to the man of sense.

The complaint of this young lady is so just, that the offence is gross enough to have displeased persons who cannot pretend to that delicacy and modesty, of which she is mistress. But there is a great It is remarkable, that the writers of least lear deal to be said in behalf of an author. If the ing are best skilled in the luscious way. T audience would but consider the difficulty of keep-poetesses of the age have done wonders in th ing up a sprightly dialogue for five acts together, they would allow a writer, when he wants wit, and cannot please any otherwise, to help it out with a little smuttiness. I will answer for the poets, that no one ever writ bawdry for any other reason but dearth of invention. When the author cannot strike out of himself any more of that which he has superior to those who make up the bulk of his audience, his natural recourse is to that which he has in common with them; and a description which gratifies a sensual appetite will please, when the author has nothing about him to delight a refined imagination. It is to such a poverty we must impute this and all other sentences in plays, which are of this kind, and which are commonly termed luscious expressions .

This expedient to supply the deficiencies of wit, has been used more or less by most of the authors who have succeeded on the stage; though I know but one who has professedly writ a play upon the basis of the desire of multiplying our species, and that is the polite Sir George Etherege; if I understand what the lady would be at, in the play

From the quotation at the beginning of this paper, Swift seems to have believed Stole the writer of it; for it seems he gave the hint of it to him. It has, however, Addison's signature in the original publication in folio, and is reprinted by Tickell in his addition of Addison's Works

in 4to.

+ Sir R. Steele's comedy, Act ii. scene 1.

Steele softened the passage quoted, in the next edition that was published.

kind; and we are obliged to the lady who wr Ibrahim*, for introducing a preparatory scene the very action, when the emperor throws his han kerchief as a signal for his mistress to follow hi into the most retired part of the seraglio. It mu be confessed his Turkish majesty went off with good air, but methought we made but a sad figu who waited without. This ingenious gentlewoma in this piece of bawdry, refined upon an auth of the same sex †, who, in The Rover, makes country 'squire strip to his Holland drawers. F Blunt is disappointed, and the emperor is unde stood to go on to the utmost. The pleasantry stripping almost naked has been since practise (where indeed it should have been begun) very su cessfully at Bartholomew fair .

It is not here to be omitted, that in one of th above-mentioned female compositions, the Rov is very frequently sent on the same errand; as take it, above once every act. This is not whol unnatural; for, they say, the men authors dra themselves in their chief characters, and the wom writers may be allowed the same liberty. Th as the male wit gives his hero a great fortune, t female gives her heroine a good gallant, at the en of the play. But, indeed, there is hardly a pla one can go to, but the hero or fine gentleman it struts off upon the same account, and leaves

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office he has put us to, or we please. To be plain, a ys would have a very reAf, were be to recollect how s pimp to ravishing tyrants, Then the actors make their ion, the ladies are sure to ace from the pit, to see how ; and a few lewd fools are their talents upon the comheir looks. Such incidents ies wholly absent themselves nd others never miss the first should prove too luscious to any countenance to it on

d out for a traitor, and met dingly? There is seldom a ve one darling vice at a time, n enough to catch at men's and advantage, if the poets the honesty which becomes

my person, they have already sent me up an answer. As to the proposal of a marriage between myself and the matchless Hecatissa, I have but one objection to it; which is, that all the society will expect to be acquainted with her; and who can be sure of keeping a woman's heart long, where she may have so much choice? I am the more alarmed at this, because the lady seems particularly smitten with men of their make.

I believe I shall set my heart upon her; and think never the worse of my mistress for an epigram a smart fellow writ, as he thought, against her; it does but the more recommend her to me. At the same time I cannot but discover that his malice is stolen from Martial:

Tarta places, audita places, si non videare
Tota places, neutro si videare, places.'

Whilst in the dark on thy soft hand I hung,
And heard the tempting Siren in thy tongue,
What flames, what darts, what anguish I endur'd!
But when the candle enter'd I was cur'd.'

o think fit to write for the
tiful way of giving delight,
ats upon raising it from such
as are in the audience, but
and luxury, they would not
end us at the same time. If "YOUR letter to us we have received, as a signal
e new in his way of writing, mark of your favour and brotherly affection. We
w represented as a fine gen- shall be heartily glad to see your short face in Ox-
rays the honour and bed of ford: and since the wisdom of our legislature has
end, and lies with half the been immortalized in your speculations, and our
and is at last rewarded with personal deformities in some sort by you recorded
ter in it; I say, upon giving to all posterity; we hold ourselves in gratitude
cast, might not such a one bound to receive, with the highest respect, all such
uite as well, if at the catas-persons as for their extraordinary merit you shall
think fit, from time to time, to recommend unto
the board. As for the Pictish damsel, we have an
easy chair prepared at the upper end of the table;
which we doubt not but she will grace with a very
hideous aspect, and much better become the seat
in the native and unaffected uncomeliness of her
person, than with all the superficial airs of the
ho loves his bottle or his mis- pencil, which (as you have very ingeniously ob-
very abandoned, as not to be served) vanish with a breath, and the most inno-
an agreeable character, that cent adorer may deface the shrine with a saluta
either of those pursuits. A tion, and in the literal sense of our poets, snatch
te, generous, valiant, chaste, and imprint his balmy kisses, and devour her melt-
may, at the same time, have ing lips. In short, the only faces of the Pictish
good-breeding, and gallantry. kind that will endure the weather must be of Dr.
e latter qualities, twenty oc- Carbuncle's die; though his, in truth, has cost him
ented to show he is master of a world the painting; but then he boasts with
ues. Such characters would Zeuxis, in æternitatem pingo; and oft jocosely tells
e heart of a man of sense, the fair ones, would they acquire colours that would
to his pleasures. He would stand kissing, they must no longer paint, but drink
staken all this while, and be for a complexion; a maxim that in this our age
und constitution and an inno-has been pursued with no ill success; and has been
rue ingredients for becoming, as admirable in its effects, as the famous cosmetic
All men of true taste would mentioned in the Postman, and invented by the
who should turn his ambition renowned British Hippocrates of the pestle and
and benefactor to his country; mortar: making the party, after a due course, rosy,
what name they would give hale, and airy; and the best and most approved
of his capacity for contrary receipt now extant, for the fever of the spirits.
But to return to our female candidate, who, I
understand, is returned to herself, and will no
longer hang out false colours; as she is the first of
her sex that has done us so great an honour, she
will certainly, in a very short time, both in prose
and verse, be a lady of the most celebrated de-
formity now living, and meet with many admirers
here as frightful as herself. But. being a long-
headed gentlewoman, I am apt to imagine she has
some further design than you have yet penetrated;
and perhaps has more mind to the Spectator than
any of his fraternity, as the person of all the world
she could like for a paramour. And if so, really
I cannot but applaud her choice; and should be
glad, if it might lie in my power, to effect an
amicable accommodation betwixt two faces of
such different extremes, as the only possible expe-

DAY, APRIL 30, 1711.


meritis pro talibus annos
ra faciat te prole parentem.
VIRG. Æn. i. 78.

rth, she shall be ever thine,
ather of a beauteous line.

spondent, like a sprightly wife, he last word. I did not think the deformed fraternity would ny answer, especially since I so sudden a visit: but as they how too great a veneration for


dient to mend the breed, and rectify the physiog nomy of the family on both sides. And again, as 'I Am glad I can inform you, that your endeashe is a lady of a very fluent elocution, you need vours to adorn that sex, which is the fairest part not fear that your child will be born dumb, which of the visible creation, are well received, and like otherwise you might have some reason to be appre- to prove not unsuccessful. The triumph of Daphne hensive of. To be plain with you, I can see nothing over her sister Lætitia has been the subject of shocking in it; for though she has not a face like conversation at several tea-tables where I have a john-apple, yet as a late friend of mine, who at been present; and I have observed the fair circle sixty-five ventured on a lass of fifteen, very frenot a little pleased to find you considering them as quently, in the remaining five years of his life. reasonable creatures, and endeavouring to banish gave me to understand, that as old as he then that Mahometan custom, which had too much preseemed, when they were first married he and his vailed even in this island, of treating women as if spouse could make but fourscore; so may madam they had no souls. I must do them the justice to Hecatissa very justly allege hereafter, that as long-say, that there seems to be nothing wanting to the visaged as she may then be thought, upon their finishing of these lovely pieces of human nature, wedding-day Mr. Spectator and she had but half besides the turning and applying their ambition an ell of face betwixt them; and this my worthy properly, and the keeping them up to a sense of predecessor, Mr. Serjeant Chin, always maintained what is their true merit. Epictetus, that plain hoto be no more than the true oval proportion between nest philosopher, as little as he had of gallantry, man and wife. But as this may be a new thing to appears to have understood them, as well as the you, who have hitherto had no expectations from polite St. Evremont, and has hit this point very women, I shall allow you what time you think fit luckily. "When young women," says he, “arto consider on it; not without some hope of seeing rive at a certain age, they hear themselves called at last your thoughts hereupon subjoined to mine, Mistresses, and are made to believe, that their only and which is an honour much desired by, business is to please the men; they immediately begin to dress, and place all their hopes in the adorning of their persons; it is therefore," continues he, "worth the while to endeavour by a l means to make them sensible, that the honour paid to them is only upon account of their conducting themselves with virtue, modesty, and discretion."


Your assured friend,

and most humble servant,


The following letter has not much in it; but, as it is written in my own praise, I cannot for my heart suppress it.


You proposed in your Spectator of last Tuesday, Mr. Hobbes's hypothesis for solving that very old phænomenon of laughter. You have made the hypothesis valuable by espousing it yourself; for had it continued Mr. Hobbes's nobody would have minded it. Now here this perplexed case arises. A certain company laughed very heartily upon the reading of that very paper of yours; and the truth on it is, he must be a man of more than ordinary constancy that could stand out against so much comedy, and not do as we did. Now there are few men in the world so far lost to all good sense, as to look upon you to be a man in a state of folly "inferior to himself." Pray then how do you justify your hypothesis of laughter? Your most humble, 'Thursday, the 26th of the month of fools.'


Q. R.

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Now to pursue the matter yet further, and to render your cares for the improvement of the fair ones more effectual, I would propose a new method, like those applications which are said to convey their virtue by sympathy; and that is, that in order to embellish the mistress, you should give a new education to the lover, and teach the men not to be any longer dazzled by false charms and unreal beauty. I cannot but think that if our sex knew always how to place their esteem justly, the other would not be so often wanting to themselves in deserving it. For as the being enamoured with a woman of sense and virtue is an improvement to a man's understanding and morals, and the passion is ennobled by the object which inspires it; so, on the other side, the appearing amiable to a man of a wise and elegant mind, carries in itself no small degree of merit and accomplishment. I conclude, therefore, that one way to make the women yet more agreeable is, to make the men more virtuous. 'I am, SIR,

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* April 26.

YOURS of Saturday last I read, not without some resentment; but I will suppose when you say you expect an inundation of ribbons and brocades, and to see many new vanities which the women will fall into upon a peace with France, that you intend only the unthinking part of our sex; and what methods can reduce them to reason is hard to imagine.

'But, sir, there are others yet, that your instructions might be of great use to, who, after their best endeavours, are sometimes at a loss to acquit themselves to a censorious world. I am far from

My correspondents grow so numerous, that I can thinking you can altogether disapprove of connot avoid frequently inserting their applications

to me.

* See No 47.

See N° 33

+ Hughes. See a preceding letter of his on the same subject, No 33. * See N° 51.

and prudence; and have n not ill made, that where the women lost their wit, manners. It is sure from you mentioned, that a sort -le shall banish from their -bred men in the world, do not. Your stating this e of good use, as well as

and gentlemen, regulated | shaped arm held a fan over her face. It was not in nature to command one's eyes from this object. I could not avoid taking notice also of her fan, which had on it various figures, very improper to behold on that occasion. There lay in the body of the piece a Venus, under a purple canopy furled with curious wreaths of drapery, half naked, attended with a train of Cupids, who were busied in fanning her as she slept. Behind her was drawn a satyr peeping over the silken fence, and threatening to break through it. I frequently offered to turn my sight another way, but was still detained by the fascination of the Peeper's eyes, who had long practised a skill in them, to recal the parting glances of her beholders. You see my complaint, and hope you will take these mischievous people, the Peepers, into your consideration. I doubt not but you will think a Peeper as much more pernicious than a Starer, as an ambuscade is more to be feared than an open assault.

SIR, admirer, and cost humble servant,


Anna Bella sends a dells the best-bred men in the

for many years last past to be truly splenetic, and rom having contracted so ading the best authors, and ed company, that I cannot ety of language, or rusticity r, I have ever looked upon ; but by late observations wretch, who has nothing to ss by complaining of the he other day, two fellows in for it, call for a pint and zling liquor to each other's Oke in each other's face, preeen. I appeal to you whether be done to the distemper of lite. I beseech you, sir, to at they have not the spleen, alk without the help of a or convey their meaning to interposition of clouds. If ith all speed, I assure you holly quit the disease, and with the vulgar. am, SIR,

'Your humble servant."

understand that I am a reconceived a detestation for at you have writ upon the u have been very severe f us men at divine service, I so apparently partial to the n go wholly unobserved. If hat is possible to attract our lpable than they for looking last Sunday to be shut into a of young ladies in the bloom

When the service began, I el at the confession; but as I from wandering as well as I the young ladies, who is a Oring down my looks and fix elf. You are to know, sir, s with her hands, eyes, and continually in motion, while t actually the admiration of in the congregation. As I how to behave myself, suris Peeper so placed herself as efore me. She displayed the n imaginable, which heaved ryour, while a delicate well

' I am, SIR,

"Your most obedient servant.' This Peeper, using both fan and eyes, to be considered as a Pict, and proceed accordingly.


THOUGH Some may think we descend from our imperial dignity, in holding correspondence with a private litterato; yet as we have great respect to all good intentions for our service, we do not esteem it beneath us to return you our royal thanks for what you published in our behalf, while under confinement in the enchanted castle of the Savoy, and for your mention of a subsidy for a prince in misfortune. This your timely zeal has inclined the hearts of divers to be aiding unto us, if we could will into consideration, and have contrived a meWe have taken their goodpropose the means. thod which will be easy to those who shall give the aid, and not unacceptable to us who receive it. A concert of music shall be prepared at Haberdasher's-ball, for Wednesday the second of May, and we will honour the said entertainment with our own presence, where each person shall be assessed but at two shillings and sixpence. What we expect from you is, that you publish these our royal intentions, with injunction that they be read at all tea-tables within the cities of London and Westminster; and so we bid you heartily farewell.


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