No thanks, kind heaven, that haft my foul em-
ploy'd,

With my great fex's useful virtue, Pride.
That generous pride, that noble just disdain,
That fcorns the flave that would prefume to reign.
Let the raw amorous fcribbler of the times
Call me his Cælia in infipid rhymes;
I hate and scorn you all, proud that I am
T' revenge my fex's injuries on man.
Compar'd to all the plagues in marriage dwell,
It were preferment to lead apes in hell.

TO SOME DISBANDED OFFICERS,

UPON THE

LATE VOTE OF THE HOUSE OF COMMONS.

HAVE

AVE we for this ferv'd full nine hard cam-
paigns?

Is this the recompence for all our pains?
Have we to the remotest parts been fent,
Bravely expos'd our lives, and fortunes spent,
To be undone at last by Parliament?

So

Mutt colonels and corporals now be equal made,
And flaming fword turn'd pruning knife and spade?
T-b, S-,, F, and thousands more,
Muft now return to what they were before.
No more in glittering coaches fhall they ride,
No more the feathers fhew the coxcombs' pride.
For thee, poor !my Mufe does kindly weep,
To fee difbanded colonels grown fo cheap.
brothers with fat jointures fed,
younger
Go defpicable, once their widows dead.
No ship, by tempeft from her anchor torn,
Is half fo loft a thing, and fo forlorn.
On every fall, in every broker's fhop,
Hang up the plumes of the difmantled fop;
Trophies like thefe we read not of in story,
By other ways the Romans got their glory.
But in this, as in all things. there's a doom,
Some die i' th' field, and others ftarve at home.

Let villains, perjur'd, envious, and malicious,
The wretched mifer and the midnight murderer;
Betrayers of their country, or their friend,
(And every guilty breaft) fear endless torment,
Blue lakes of brimftone, unextinguifh'd fires,
Scorpions and whips, and all that guilt deferves;
Let these, and only thefe, thus plague them-
felves.

For though they fear what neither shall nor can be,
'Tis punishment enough it makes them live,
Live, to endure the dreadful apprehenfion
Of Death, to them fo dreadful; but why dreadful,
At least to virtuous minds?-To be at rest,
To fleep, and never hear of trouble more,
Say, is this dreadful? Heart, wouldst thou be at
quiet?

Doft thou thus beat for reft, and long for ease,
And not command thy friendly hand to help thee?
What hand can be fo eafy as thy own,

To apply the medicine that cures all difeafes!

AN EPISTLE TO MR. OTWAY.

EAR Tom, how melancholy I am grown

DEAR Tom, haft left this learned dirty

town t,

To thee by this dull letter be it known.
Whilft all my comfort, under all this care,
Are duns, and puns, and logic, and fmall beer. -
Thou feeft I'm dull as Shadwell's men of wit,
Or the top fcene that Settle ever writ:

The fprightly Court that wander up and down
From gudgeons to a race, from town to town,
All, all are fled; but them I well can fpare,
For I'm fo dull I have no business there.

STUDENT OF CHRIST-CHURCH, ADVOCATE OF DOCTORS COMMONS, &c. &c.

Occafioned principally by the Title of a Book published by the Doctor, being the

Works of Apicius COELius, concerning the Soups and Sauces of the Ancients. With an Extract of the greatest Curiosities contained in that Book. Hunbly Inferibed to the Honourable BEEF-STEAK CLUB. First printed in 1708.

OF Dr. Lister's book only 120 copies were printed in 1705. It was reprinted at Amsterdam, in 1709, by Theod. Jans. Almeloveen, under the title of “ Apicii Cælii de Opsoniis & Condiinentis, live

Arte Coquinaria, Libri Decem. Cum Annotationibus Martini Lifter, è Medicis Domesticis Sere"pislimæ Majeftatis Reginæ Annæ, & Notis selectioribus, variisque Lectionibus integris, Huniel** bergii, Barthii, Reinefii, A Van Der Linden, & aliorum, ut & variarum Lectionum Libcilo. " Editio Secunda." Dr. Askew had a copy of each edition. N.

THE PUBLISHER TO THE READER.

I

T is now-a-days the hard fate of such as pretend to be Authors, that they are not

permitted to be masters of their own works; for, if such papers (however imperfect) as may be called a copy of them, either by a servant or any other means, come to the hands of a Bookseller, he never confiders whether it be for the person's reputation to come into the world, whether it is agrecable to his sentiments, whether to his style or correctness, or whether he has for some time looked over it ; nor doth he care what name or character he puts to it, so he imagines le may get by it.

It was the fate of the following Poem to be so used, and printed with as much imperfection and as many mistakes as a Bookfeller that has common fenfe could imagine fhould pafs upon the town, especially in an age fo polite and critical as the present.

Thefe following Letters and Poem were at the prefs fome time before the other paper pretending to the fame title was crept out: and they had elfe, as the Learned fay, groaned under the prefs till fuch time as the fheets had one by one been perused and corrected, not only by the Author, but his friends; whofe judgment as he is fenfible he wants, fo is he proud to own that they fometimes condefcend to afford him.

For many faults, that at firft feem fmall, yet create unpardonable errors. The number of the verse turns upon the harshnefs of a fyllable; and the laying a stress upon improper words will make the most correct piece ridiculous. Falfe concord, tenfes, and grammar, nonfenfe, impropriety, and confufion, may go down with fome perfons; but it fhould not be in the power of a Bookfeller to lampoon an Author, and tell him, "You did write all this: I have got it; and you fhall ftand to the fcandal, and I will "have the benefit." Yet this is the prefent cafe, notwithstanding there are above threefcore faults of this nature; verfes transposed, fome added, others altered, or rather that should have been altered, and near forty omitted. The Author does not value himself upon the whole; but, if he fhews his efteem for Horace, and can by any means provoke perfons to read fo useful a treatise; if he fhews his aversion to the introduction of luxury, which may tend to the corruption of manners, and declares his love to the old British hofpitality, charity, and valour, when the arms of the family, the old pikes, muskets, and halberts, hung up in the hall over the long table, and the marrow-bones lay on the floor, and "Chevy Chace" and "The old Courtier of the Queen's" were placed over the carved mantle-piece, and the beef and brown bread were carried every day to the poor; he defires little farther, than that the Reader would for the future give all fuch Bookfellers as are before fpoken of no manner of encouragement.

LETTERS TO DR. LISTER AND OTHERS,

LETTER I.

To MR.

DEAR SIR,

THE

HE happiness of hearing now and then from you extremely delights me; for, I must confefs, most of my other friends are fo much taken up with politicks or fpeculations, that either their hopes or fears give them little leifure to perufe fuch parts of learning as lay remote, and are fit only for the clofets of the curious. How bleft are you at London, where you have new books of all forts! whilst we at a greater diftance, being deftitute of fuch improvements, must content ourselves with the old flore, and thumb the Clafficks as if we were never to get higher than our Tully or our Virgil.

You tantalize me only, when you tell me of the edition of a book by the ingenious Dr. Lifter, which you say is a Treatife De Condimentis & Opfoniis Veterum, "Of the Sauces and Soups of the Ancients," as I take it. Give me leave to ufe an expreffion, which, though vulgar, yet upon this occafion is juft and proper: You have made my mouth water, but have not fent me wherewithal to fatisfy my appetite.

I have raised a thousand notions to myself, only from the title. Where could fuch a treasure lay hid? What Manufcripts have been collated? Under what Emperor was it written? Might it not have been in the reign of Heliogabalus, who, though vicious and in fome things fantaftical, yet was not incurious in the grand affair of eating?

Confider, dear fir, in what uncertainties we must remain at present. You know my neighbour Mr. Greatrix is a learned Antiquary. I fhewed him your letter; which

threw him into such a dubiousness, and indeed perplexity of mind, that the next day he durft not put any catchup in his fifb-fauce, nor have his beloved pepper, oil, and lemon, with his partridge, left, before he had feen Dr. Lifter's Book, he might tranfgrefs in ufing fomething not common to the Ancients.

Dispatch it, therefore, to us with all fpeed; for I expect wonders from it. Let me tell you; I hope, in the first place, it will, in fome measure, remove the barbarity of our prefent education: for what hopes can there be of any progrefs in Learning, whilft our Gentlemen fuffer their fons, at Westminster, Eaton, and Winchester, to eat nothing but falt with their mutton, and vinegar with their roaft-beef, upon holidays? what extenfivenefs can there be in their fouls; efpecially when, upon their going thence to the University, their knowledge in culinary matters is feldom enlarged, and their diet continues very much the fame; and as to fauces, they are in profound ignorance?

It were to be wished, therefore, that every family had a French tutor; for, besides his being Groom, Gardener, Butler, and Valet, you would fee that he is endued with a greater accomplishment; for, according to our ancient Author, Quot Galli, totidem Coqui,As many Frenchmen as you have, fo many Cooks you may depend upon;" which is very ufeful, where there is a numerous iffue. And I doubt not but, with fuch tutors, and good houfe-keepers to provide cake and fweet-meats, together with the tender care of an indulgent mother, to fee that the children eat and drink every thing that they call for; I doubt not, I fay, but we may have a warlike and frugal Gentry, a temperate and auftere Clergy; and fuch Perfons of Quality, in all stations, as may best undergo the fatigues of our fleet and armies.

Pardon me, Sir, if I break-off abruptly; for I am going to Monfieur D'Avaux, a perfon famous for eafing the tooth-ach by avulfion. He has promifed to fhew me how to strike a lancet into the jugular of a carp, fo as the blood may iffue thence with the greateft effufion, and then will inftantly perform the operation of ftewing it in its own blood, in the prefence of myself and several more Virtuofi. But, let him use what claret he will in the performance, I will fecure enough to drink your health and the rest of your friends. I remain, Sir, &c.

I SHALL make bold to claim your promife, in your laft obliging letter, to obtain the happiness of my correspondence with Dr. Lifter; and to that end have sent you the inclofed, to be communicated to him, if you think convenient.

LETTER

III.

SIR,

To DR. LISTER, PRESENT.

1 AM a plain man, and therefore never use compliments; but I must tell you that I have a great ambition to hold a correfpondence with you, efpecially that I may beg you to communicate your remarks from the Ancients concerning dentifcalps, vulgarly called tooth-picks. I take the ufe of them to have been of great antiquity, and the original to have come from the inftinct of Nature, which is the beft miftrefs upon all occafions. The Egyptians were a people excellent for their Philofophical and Mathematical obfervations: they fearched into all the fprings of action; and, though I must condemn their fuperftition, I cannot but applaud their invention. This people had a vaft diftrict that worshipped the crocodile, which is an animal, whofe jaws, being very oblong, give him the opportunity of having a great many teeth; and, his habitation