CHAPTER II. Elder Tub ruminateth. An apparition of doubtful character introduceth himself. He describeth hell as being a far more tolerable place than it is generally believed to be ; and giveth a pleasing and very probable account of its good state of society. ELDER TUB sat at the foot of the old elm one moonlight evening, ruminating on the trials and dangers which were encountered in life by the brave men whose fate was registered on the rude stone near him; an unwonted sensibility stole over his heart on the occasion, insomuch that it wholly abstracted his attention from surrounding objects. "Noble fellows!" exclaimed he, "thus to have torn yourselves from the attractions of civilized life, and to have ventured forth into this then howling wilderness, inhabited only by savages and wild varmints. How much our now smiling and populous country owes to your exertions and sacrifices! Yet here you lie, with nothing but this rock to tell that you ever lived, or in what cause you died. Well, rest in peace, brave hearts! for if our country is thus unmindful of her benefactors, thar's mighty comfort in knowing that hea Our soliloquist was here interrupted by sounds which resembled a suppressed giggle-"He, he, he!" His first impression was that they proceeded from one of his negroes-of which he owned a score or so-and feeling both his piety and his patriotism to be insulted by such ill-timed merriment, he clutched his cane with the meek purpose of knocking the offender down; but-horror of horrors, with what a vision was he greeted! Was it human, or was it spirit? It seemed too shadowy for the one-too corporeal for the other. Over its deep-set eyes, in which twinkled a world of cunning humor, beetled a pair of shaggy brows, from which the forehead sloped back in a fashion that no phrenologist would like, inasmuch as it indicated anything but a good moral devel opment. Poor Tub felt his hat to rise involuntarily from his head, "And each particular hair to stand on end, The apparition continued to regard him with humorous interest for some moments, sitting much at its ease, within a few yards of him, and peering at him with its twinkling optics as if it would look him through. "Mr. Tub," it said at length, "don't be alarmed at my sudden appearance here, nor take offence at my seeming rudeness in breaking in upon your soliloquy. I meant no contempt for the sentiments you uttered, Mr. Tub; but your closing remark-or, rather, the remark with which you were about to close-was so unorthodox, that, coming from you, an elder of the church, it betrayed me out of my usual gravity for the moment. He, he! it really was a laughable mistake in you, my good friend, to suppose that patriotism, or any other merely moral virtue, is held in any sort of esteem in heaven! Why, know you not that all its favors are lavished on those who have been born again? And this, you must know, is a degree in religious experience which is seldom taken by brave men who die for their country, and most assuredly was not by a single one of those on whose fate you were ruminating. I say this from certain knowledge, Mr. Tub, for my own bonesNay, don't start, my friend-you are perfectly safe in my company-my own bones lie beneath that stone; and my spiritual abode is-where all theirs is whose fate is recorded on that rude tablet-where that of forty-nine fiftieths is, who are sent to eternity from the battle-field-It is in the world of woe, Mr. Tub." A deep pause of some moments here ensued, during which the elder was struggling between his fears and his curiosity; at length the apparition resumed his discourse in the same familiar strain. "My name, on earth, Mr. Tub, was Shadrach Paddle, and I passed for a tolerably honest and clever fellow, I believe; I was on terms of great intimacy with Epaphroditus Tub, your father; together we fought and fell at last, on this very spot, |