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TAT LE R.
VOLUME THE FIRST.
N°I. TUESDAY, APRIL 12, 1709.
QUICQUID AGUNT HOMINES-NOSTRI FARRAGO LIBELLI.
Juv. SAT. I. v. 84, 85.
WHATEVER GOOD IS DONE, WHATEVER ILL
HOUGH the other papers, which are published for the use of the good people of England, have certainly very wholesome effects, and are laudable in their particular kinds, they do not feem to come up to the main defign of fuch narrations, which, I humbly prefume, fhould be principally intended for the use of politic perfons, who are fo public-fpirited as to neglect their own affairs to look into tranfactions of ftate. Now these gentlemen, for the most part, being perfons of strong zeal, and weak intellects, it is both a charitable and neceffary work to offer fomething, whereby fuch worthy and well-affected members of the commonwealth may be inftructed, after their reading, what to think; which shall be the end and purpofe of this my paper, wherein I fhall, from time to time, report and confider all matters, of what kind foever, that fhall occur to me, and publish fuch my advices and reflections every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, in the week, for the convenience of the poft. I refolve alfo to have fomething which may be of entertainment to the fair-fex, in honour of whom I have invented the title of this paper. I therefore carneft
ly defire all perfons, without distinctior, to take it in for the prefent gratis, and hereafter at the price of one penny, forbidding all hawkers to take more for it at their peril. And I defire all perfons to confider, that I am at a very great charge for proper materials for this work, as well as that before I refolved upon it, I had fettled a correspondence in all parts of the known and knowing world. And forafmuch as this globe is not trodden upon by mere drudges of bufinefs only, but that men of spirit and genius are justly to be efteemed as confiderable agents in it, we fhall not, upon a dearth of news, present you with multy foreign edicts, or dull proclamations, but thall divide our relation of the paffages which occur in action or difcourfe throughout this town, as well as elfewhere, under fuch dates of places as may prepare you for the matter you are to expect, in the following manner.
All accounts of Gallantry, Pleature, and Entertainment, fhall be under the article of White's Chocolate-house; Poetry, under that of Will's Coffeehoufe; Learning, under the title of Grecian; Foreign and Domestic News you will have from Saint James's Coffee
house; and what elfe I have to offer on any other subject shall be dated from my own Apartment.
I once more defire my reader to confider, that as I cannot keep an ingenious man to go daily to Will's under each day, merely for his two-pence charges; to White's under fix-pence; nor to the Grecian, without allowing him fome plain Spanish, to be as able as others at the learned table; and that a good Obferver cannot fpeak with even Kidney at Saint James's without clean linen; I fay, these confiderations will, I hope, make all perfons willing to comply with my humble request (when my gratis ftock is exhaufted) of a penny a piece; efpecially fince they are fure of fome proper amufement, and that it is impoffible for me to want means to entertain them, having, befides the force of my own parts, the power of divination, and that I can, by cafting a figure, tell you all that will happen before it comes to pafs.
But this laft faculty I fhall ufe very fparingly, and fpeak but of few things until they are paft, for fear of divulging matters which may offend our feperiors.
WHITE'S CHOCOLATE-HOUSE, APRIL 7.
THE deplorable condition of a very pretty gentleman, who walks here at the hours when men of quality first appear, is what is very much lamented. His hiftory is, that on the ninth of September 1705, being in his one and twentieth year, he was washing his teeth at a tavern-window in Pall Mall, when a fine equipage paffed by, and in it a young lady who looked up at him; away goes the coach; and the young gentleman pulled off his night-cap, and inftead of rubbing his gums, as he ought to do, out of the window until about four of the clock, fits him down and fpoke not a word until twelve at night; after which he began to enquire if any body knew the lady. The company afked What lady?' but he faid no more until they broke up at fix in the morning. All the enfuing winter he went from church to church every Sunday, and from playhoufe to playhouse every night in the week; but could never find the original of the picture which dwelt in his bofom. In a word, his attention to any thing but his paffion was utterly gone. He has loft all the me
ney he ever played for, and been confut-
WILL'S COFFEE-HOU ́E, APRIL 8. ON Thurfday left was acted, for the Mr. Beverton, the celebrated bes comsa, called Love for Love. Those excellent players, Mrs. Barry, Mrs. Branegirdle, and Mr. Dogget, though not at prefent concerned in the house, acted on that occafion. There has not been known fo great a concourfe of perfons of diftinction as at that time; the ftage itself was covered with gentlemen and ladies; and when the curtain was din, it difcovered even there a very fple id audience. This unufual encoursement, which was given to a play for the advantage of fo great an actor, gives an undeniable inftance that the true relifh for manly entertainments and rational pleasures is not wholly loft. All the parts were acted to perfection: the actors were careful of their carriage, and no one was guilty of the affectation to infert witticifms of his own; but a due refpe&t was had to the audience, for encouraging this accomplished player. It is not now doubted but plays will revive, and take their usual place in the opinion of persons of wit and merit, notwithstanding their late apoftacy in favour of drefs and found. This place is very much altered fince Mr. Dryden frequented it; where you used to fee fongs, epigrams, and fatires, in the hands of every man you met, you have now only a pack of cards; and instead of the cavils about the turn of the expreffion, the elegance of the ftyle, and the like, the learned now dispute only about the truth of the game. But however the company is altered, all have fhown a great refpe&t for Mr. Betterton:
and the very gaming part of this houfe have been fo much touched with a fenfe of the uncertainty of human affairs, (which alter with themselves every moment) that in this gentleman they pitied Mark Anthony of Rome, Hamlet of Denmark, Mithridates of Pontus, Theodofius of Greece, and Henry the Eighth of England. It is well known, he has been in the condition of each of those illuftrious perfonages for feveral hours together, and behaved himself in those high ftations, in all the changes of the fcene, with fuitable dignity. For thefe reasons, we intend to repeat this favour to him on a proper occafion, left he, who can inftruct us fo well in perfonating feigned forrows, fhould be loft to us by fuffering under real ones. The town is at present in very great expectation of feeing a comedy now in rehearsal, which is the twenty-fifth production of my honoured friend Mr.Thomas D'Urfey; who, befides his great abilities in the dramatic, has a peculiar talent in the lyric way of writing, and that with a manner wholly new and unknown to the ancient Greeks and Romans, wherein he is but faintly imitated in the transla⚫ tions of the modern Italian operas.
ST. JAMES'S COFFEE-HOUSE, APRIL II. LETTERS from the Hague of the fixteenth fay, that Major General Cadogan was gone to Bruffels, with orders to difperfe proper inftructions for affembling the whole force of the Allies in Flanders, in the beginning of the next month. The late offers concerning peace were made in the ftyle of perfons who think themfelves upon equal terms: but the Allies have fo just a fenfe of their prefent advantages, that they will not admit of a treaty, except France offers what is more fuitable to her prefent condition. At the fame time we make preparations, as if we were alarmed by a greater force than that which we are carrying into the field. Thus this point seems now to be argued fword in hand. This was what a great general alluded to, when being asked the names of those who were to be plenipotentiaries for the enfuing peace, he answered with a ferious air
There are about an hundred thousand of us.' Mr. Kidney, .who has the ear of the greatest politicians that come hither, tells me, there is a mail come in to-day with letters, dated Hague, April the nineteenth, N. S. which
fay, a defign of bringing part of our troops into the field, at the latter end of this month, is now altered to a refolution of marching towards the camp about the twentieth of the next. There happened the other day, in the road of Scheveling, an engagement between a privateer of Zeeland and one of Dunkirk. The Dunkirker, carrying thirty-three pieces of cannon, was taken and brought into the Texel. It is faid the courier of Monfieur Rouille is returned to him from the Court of France. Monfieur Vendofme, being reinftated in the favour of the Dutchefs of Burgundy, is to command in Flanders.
Mr. Kidney added, that there were letters of the feventeenth from Ghent, which give an account that the enemy had formed a defign to furprize two battalions of the Allies which lay at Aloft: but thofe battalions received advice of their march, and retired to Dendermond. Lieutenant General Wood appeared on this occafion at the head of five hundred foot and one thoufand horfe; upon which the enemy withdrew, without making any farther attempt.
FROM MY OWN APARTMENT.
I AM forry I am obliged to trouble the public with fo much difcourfe upon a matter which I at the very first mentioned as a trifle, viz. the death of Mr. Partridge, under whose name there is an Almanack come out for the year 1709. In one page of which it is afferted by the faid John Partridge, that he is still living, and not only fo, but that he was alfo living fome time before, and even at the inftant when I writ of his death. I have in another place, and in a paper by itfelf, fufficiently convinced this man that he is dead; and, if he has any fhame, I do not doubt but that by this time he owns it to all his acquaintance: for though the legs and arms and whole body of that inan may fill appear, and perform their animal functions; yet fince, as I have elfewhere obferved, his art is gone, the man is gone. I am, as I faid, concerned, that this little matter fhould make fo much noife; but fince I am engaged, I take myself obliged in honour to go on in my Lucubrations, and by the help of thofe arts of which I am mafter, as well as my kill in aftrological fpeculations, I fhall, as I fee occafion, procced to confute other
dead men, who pretend to be in being, that they are actually deceased. I therefore give all men fair warning to amend their manners; for I fhall from time to time print bills of mortality: and I beg
the pardon of all fuch who fhall be named therein, if they who are good for nothing fhall find themselves in the number of the deceased.
N° II. THURSDAY, APRIL 14, 1709.
WILL'S COFFEE-HOUSE, APRIL 13. HERE has lain all this evening
on the table the following poem. The fubject of it being matter very useful for families, I thought it deferved to be confidered, and made more public. The turn the poet gives it is very happy; but the foundation is from a real accident which happened among my acquaintance. A young gentleman of a great eftate fell defperately in love with a great beauty of very high quality, but as ill-natured as long flattery and an habitual felf-will could make her. However, my young fpark ventures upon her, like a man of quality, without being acquainted with her, or having ever faluted her, until it was a crime to kifs any woman elfe. Beauty is a thing which palls with poffeffion; and the charms of this lady foon wanted the fupport of good-humour and compla. cency of manners. Upon this my fpark
flies to the bottle for relief from his fatiety. She difdains him for being tired with that for which all men envied him; and he never came home, but it was
Was there no fot that would ftay longer? Would any man living but you? Did I leave all the world for this ufage?' To which he Madam, fplit me, you are very impertinent!' In a word, this match was wedlock in it's most terrible appearances. She at laft, weary of railing to no purpofe, applies to a good uncle, who gives her a bottle he pretended he had bought of a conjuror. This,' faid he, I
gave ten guineas for. "The virtue of "the enchanted liquor," faid he that fold it, "is fuch, that if the woman you marry proves a fcold," (which it feems, I my dear niece, is your misfortune, as it was your good mother's before you) "let her hold three fpoonfuls in her "mouth for a full half hour after you "come home." But I find I am not in humour for telling a tale; and nothing in nature is fo ingrateful as ftery
telling againft the 'grain; therefore take it as the author has given it you.
A TALE FOR THE LADIES.
MISS Molly, a fam'd toast, was fair and
Had wealth and charms-but then she had a tongue!
From morn to night th' eternal larum rung,
From whence fome petty difcords would arise,
My lady with her tongue was still prepar'd, She rattled loud, and he impatient heard 'Tis a fine hour! In a fweet pickle made! And this, Sir John, is ev'ry day the trade. Here I fit moping all the live-long night, Devour'd with fpleen, and stranger to delight; 'Till morn fends ftagg'ring home a drunken beast,
Refolv'd to break my heart, as well as reft.. Hey! hoop! d'ye hear my damn'd obftrep rous fpouse, What,can't youfind one bed about the house? • Will
• Will that perpetual clack lie never ftill? That rival to the foftness of a mill!
"Some couch and diftant room must be my choice,
* Where I may fleep uncurs'd with wife and
Long this uncomfortable life they led,
A wond'rous fpring within my garden flows, ⚫ Of fov'reign virtue, chiefly to compofe 'Domestic jars, and matrimonial ftrife, The beft elixir t' appeafe man and wife: Strange are th' effects, the qualities divine; "Tis water call'd, but worth it's weight in wine.
If in his fullen airs Sir John fhould come, Three fpoonfuls take, hold in your mouth then mum:
Smile, and look pleas'd, when he shall rage and fcold,
Still in your mouth the healing cordial hold; One month this fympathetic mea'cine try'd, 'He'll grow a lover, you a happy bride. But, dearest niece, keep this grand fecret 'clofe,
'Or ev'ry pratling huffey 'ill beg a dofe.'
A water-bottle's brought for her relief;
The bonny knight reels home exceeding clear, Prepar'd for clamour and domestic war: Ent'ring, he cries- Hey! where's our thun• der fled!
'No hurricane-Betty's your lady dead?' Madam, afide, an ample mouthful takes, Curtfies, looks kind, but not a word fhe fpeaks: Wond'ring, he ftar'd, fcarcely his eyes believ'd, But found his ears agreeably deceiv'd. Why, how now, Molly, what's the crotchet ⚫ now?'
She fmiles, and answers only with a bow.
With that, he figh'd, her hand began to prefs,
Her lace the cuts, to take him in the mind. Thus the fond pair to bed enamour'd went, The lady pleas'd, and the good knight content.
For many days thefe fond endearments paft, The reconciling bottle fails at laft;
'Twas us'd and gone-Then midnight forms arofe,
And looks and words the union difcompofe. Her coach is order'd, and poft-hate the flies, To beg her uncle for fome fresh fupplies; Tranfported, does the frange effects relate, Her knight's converfion, and her happy state! Why, niece,' fays he 'I pr'ythee apprehend, "The water's water-be thyfelf thy fiend; 'Such beauty would the coldest husband warm, 'But your provoking tongue undoes the charmi 'Be filent and complying. You'll foon find, 'Sir John, without a med'cine will be kind.'
ST. JAMES'S COFFEE-HOUSE, APRIL 13:
LETTERS from Venice fay, the difappointment of their expectation to fee his Danish Majefty has very much difquieted the court of Rome. Our lat advices from Germany inform us, that the minister of Hanover has urged the 'council at Ratisbonne to exert themfelves in behalf of the common caufe, and taken the liberty to fay, that the dignity, the virtue, the prudence, of his Electoral Highness, his mafter, were called to the head of their affairs in vain, if they thought fit to leave him naked of the proper means to make thofe excellencies useful for the honour and fafety of the empire. They write from Berlin of the thirteenth, O.S. that the true defign of General Fleming's vifit to that court was, to infinuate that it will be for the mutual intereft of the King of Pruffia and King Auguftus to enter into a new alliance; but that the ministers of Pruffia are not inclined to his fentiments. We hear from Vienna, that his Imperial Majefty has expreffed great fat sfa&tion in their High Mightineffes having communicated to him the whole that has
paffed in the affair of a peace. Though there have been practices ufed by the agents of France, in all the courts of Europe, to break the good understanding of the Allies, they have had no other effect, but to make all the members concerned in the alliance more doubtful of their fafety from the great offers of the enemy. The Emperor is roufed by this alarm, and the frontiers of all the French dominions are in danger of being infulted the enfuing campaign. Advices from all parts confirm, that it is impoffible for France to find a way to obtain fo much credit as to gain any one poten tate of the Allies, or conceive any hope for fafety from other profpects.