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confiderable charge in white gloves, periwigs, and fnuff-boxes, in order to qualify himself for that employment, and in hopes of making his fortune by it. The counfel for the defendant replied, that the plaintiff had given out that he was within a month of wedding their client, and that she had refused her hand to him in ceremony, left he should interpret it as a promife that fhe would give it him in marriage. As foon as their pleadings on both fides were finished, the Cenfor ordered the plaintiff to be cashiered from his office of gentleman-ufher to the play-houfe, fince it was too plain that he had undertaken it with an ill defign; and at the fame time ordered the defendant either to marry the faid plaintiff, or to pay him half a crown for the new pair of gloves and coachhire, that he was at the expence of in her service.

The Lady Townly brought an action of debt against Mrs. Flambeau, for that the faid Mrs. Flambeau had not been to fee the Lady Townly, and with her joy, fince her marriage with Sir Ralph, notwithstanding fhe the faid Lady Townly had paid Mrs. Flambeau a vifit upon her firft coming to town. It was urged in the behalf of the defendant, that the plaintiff had never given her any regular notice of her being in town: that the vifit fhe alledged had been made on a Monday, which the knew was a day on which Mrs. Flambeau was always abroad, having fet afide that only day in the week to mind the affairs of her family: that the fervant, who enquired whether he was at home, did not give the visiting knock: that it was not between the hours of five and eight in the evening; that there were no candles lighted up that it was not on Mrs. Flambeau's day; and, in fhort, that there was not one of the effential points obferved that conftitute a vifit. She further proved by her porter's book, which was produced in court, that the had paid the Lady Townly a vifit on

:

the twenty-fourth day of March, just before her leaving the town, in the year feventeen hundred and nine-ten, for which fhe was ftill creditor to the faid Lady Townly. To this the plaintiff only replied, that he was now under covert, and not liable to any debts contracted when she was a single woman. Mr. Bickerstaff finding the cause to be very intricate, and that feveral points of honour were likely to arife in it, he deferred giving judgment upon it until the next feffion day, at which time he ordered the ladies on his left-hand to prefent to the court a table of all the laws, relating to vifits.

Winifred Leer brought her actionagainft Richard Sly, for having broken a marriage-contract, and wedded another woman, after he had engaged himself to marry the faid Winifred Leer. She alledged, that he had ogled her twice at an opera, thrice in Saint James's church, and once at Powel's puppet-show, at which time he promised her marriage by a fide-glance, as her friend could teftify that fat by her. Mr. Bickerstaff finding that the defendant had made no further overture of love or marriage, but by looks and ocular engagement; yet at the fame time confidering how very apt fuch impudent feducers are to lead the ladies hearts aftray, ordered the criminal to ftand upon the ftage in the Haymarket, betwen each act of the next opera, there to be expofed to public view as a false ogler.

Upon the rifing of the Court, Mr. Bickerstaff having taken one of the counterfeits in the very fact as he was ogling a lady of the grand jury, ordered him to be feized, and profecuted upon the ftatute of ogling. He likewise directed the clerk of the Court to draw up an edit against these common cheats, that make women believe they are distracted for them by ftaring them out of countenance, and often blast a lady's reputa tion, whom they never spoke to, by faucy looks and diftant familiarities.

N° CCLXIII.

N° CCLXIII. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 14, 1710.

A

MINIMA CONTENTOS NOCTE BRITANNOS.

Juv. SAT. 2. VER. 161.

BRITONS CONTENTED WITH THE SHORTEST NIGHT.

FROM MY OWN APARTMENT, DIC. 13. N old friend of mine being lately come to town, I went to fee him on Tuesday last about eight o'clock in the evening, with a design to fit with him an hour or two, and talk over old ftories; but upon enquiring after him, his fervant told me he was juft gone to bed. The next morning as fcon as I was up and dreffed, and had difpatched a little business, I came again to my friend's house about eleven o'clock, with a defign to renew my vifit; but upon asking for him, his fervant told me he was jult fat down to dinner. In fhort, I found that my old-fashioned friend religiously adhered to the example of his forefathers, and obferved the fame hours that had been kept in the family ever fince the Conqueft.

It is very plain, that the night was much longer formerly in this ifland than it is at present. By the night, I mean that portion of time which nature has thrown into darknefs, and which the wifdom of mankind had formerly dedicated to reft and filence. This used to begin at eight o'clock in the evening, and conclude at fix in the morning. The curfeu, or eight o'clock bell, was the fignal throughout the nation for putting out their candles and going to bed.

Our grandmothers, though they were wont to fit up the laft in the family, were all of them faft afleep, at the fame hours that their daughters are bufy at crimp and baffet. Modern ftatefmen are concerting fchemes, and engaged in the depth of politics, at the time when their forefathers were laid down quietly to reft, and had nothing in their heads but dreams. As we have thus thrown bufinefs and pleasure into the hours of reft, and by that means made the natural night but half as long as it fhould be, we are forced to piece it out with a great part of the morning; fo that near two thirds of the nation lie faft afleep for feveral hours in broad day-light. This

R. WYNNE.

irregularity is grown so very fashionable at prefent, that there is fcarce a lady of quality in Great Britain that ever faw the fun rife. And if the humour increafes in proportion to what it has done of late years, it is not impoffible but our children may hear the bellman going about the streets at nine o'clock in the morning, and the watch making their rounds until eleven. This unac countable difpofition in mankind to continue awake in the night, and sleep in the funfhine, has made me enquire, whether the fame change of inclination has hap pened to any other animals? For this reafon, I defired a friend of mine in the country to let me know, whether the lark rifes as early as he did formerly? and whether the cock begins to crow at his ufual hour? My friend has answered me, that his poultry are as regular as eyer, and that all the birds and the beafts of his neighbourhood keep the fame hours, that they have obferved in the memory of man; and the fame which, in all probability, they have kept for thefe five thousand years.

If you would fee the innovations that have been made among us in this particular, you may only look into the hours of colleges, where they ftill dine at eleven, and fup at fix, which were doubtlefs the hours of the whole nation at the time when thofe places were founded. But at prefent, the courts of juftice are fcarce opened in Weftminster Hall at the time when William Rufus used to go to dinner in it. All bufiness is driven forward. The land marks of our fathers, if I may fo call them, are removed, and planted further up into the day; infomuch, that I am afraid our clergy will be obliged, if they expect full congregations, not to look any more upon ten o'clock in the morning as a canonical hour. In my own memory the dinner has crept by degrees from twelve o'clock to three, and where it will fix no body knows.

I have fometimes thought to draw up

a me

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memorial in the behalf of Supper against Dinner, fetting forth, That the faid Dinner has made feveral encroachments upon the faid Supper, and entered very far upon his frontiers; that he has banished him out of feveral families, and in all has driven him from his head quarters, and forced him to make his retreat into the hours of midnight; and, in fhort, that he is now in danger of being entirely confounded and lost in a Breakfast. Thofe who have read Lucian, and feen the complaints of the letter T. against S. upon account of many injuries and ufurpations of the fame nature, will not, I believe, think fuch a memorial forced and unnatural. If dinner has been thus poftponed, or, if you please, kept back from time to time, you may be fure that it has been in compliance with the other bufinefs of the day, and that fupper has still obferved a proportionable distance. There is a venerable proverb, which we have all of us heard in our infancy, of putting the children to be, and laying the goose to the fire. This was one of the jocular fayings of our forefathers, but may be properly used in the literal fenfe at prefent. Who would not wonder at this perverted relish of those who are reckoned the most polite part of mankind, that prefer sea coals and candles to the fun, and exchange fo many chearful morning hours, for the pleasures of midnight revels and debauches? If a man was only to confult his health, he would choofe to live his whole time, if poffible, in day-light; and to retire out of the world into filence and fleep, while the raw damps and unwholesome vapours fly abroad without a fun to difperfe, moderate, or controul them. For my own part, I value an hour in the morning as much as common libertines do an hour at midnight. When I find myfelf awakened into being, and perceive my life renewed within me, and at the fame time fee the whole face of nature recovered out of the dark uncomfortable frate in which it lay for feveral hours, my heart overflows with fuch fecret fentiments of joy and gratitude, as are a kind of implicit praife to the great Author of Nature. The mind in thefe early feafons of the day is fo refreshed in all its faculties, and borne up with fuch new fupplies of animal fpirits,

that the finds herself in a state of youth, efpecially when he is entertained with the breath of flowers, the melody of birds, the dews that hang upon the plants, and all thofe other fweets of nature that are peculiar to the morning.

It is impoffible for a man to have this relifh of being, this exquifite taste of life, who does not come into the world before it is in all it's noife and hurry; ' who lofes the rifing of the fun, the ftili hours of the day, and immediately upon his first getting up plunges himself into the ordinary cares or follies of the world.

I fhall conclude this paper with Milton's inimitable defcription of Adam's awakening his Eve in Paradise, which indeed would have been a place as lit tle delightful as a barren heath or defart to those who flept in it. The fondnefs of the pofture in which Adam is reprefented, and the foftness of his whifper, are paffages in this divine poem that are above all commendation, and rather to be admired than praised.

Now morn her rofy fteps in th' eaftern clime
Advancing, fow'd the earth with orient pearl,
When Adam wak'd, fo cuftom'd; for his fleep
Was airy light with pure digeftion bred,
And temperate vapours bland, which th' only

found

Of leaves and fuming rills, Aurora's fan, Lightly difpers'd, and the thrill matin song Of birds on ev'ry bough; fo much the more His wonder was to find unwaken'd Eve, With treffes difcompos'd and glowing cheek, As through unquiet rest: he on his fide Leaning half-raifed, with looks of cordial love, Hung over her enamour'd, and beheld Beauty, which, whether waking or afleep, Shot forth peculiar graces. Then with voice Mild as when Zephyrus or Flora breathes, Her hand foft touching, whisper'd thus:• Awake,

My faireft, my efpous'd, my latest found, "Heaven's last beft gift, my ever-new delight. Awake,the morning fhines, and the fresh field, Callus,welofe the prime, to mark how fpring Our tendedplants, how blowsthe citron grove, What drops the myrrh, and what the balmy <reed,

How Nature paints her colours, how the bee Sits on the bloom extracting liquid fweets.' Such whifp'ring wak'd her, but with ftart

led eye

On Adam, whom embracing, thus the spake: O fole! in whom my thoughts find all re

'pofe,

My glory, my perfection, glad I see Thy face, and morn return'd

N° CCLXIV.

N° CCLXIV. SATURDAY, DECEMBER 16, 1713.

FAVETE LINGUIS

FAVOUR YOUR TONGUES.

FROM MY OWN APARTMENT, DEC. 15.

BOCCALINI, in his Parnaffus, indicts a Laconic writer for fpeaking that in three words which he might have faid in two, and fentences him for his punishment to read over all the works of Guicciardini. This Guicciardini is fo very prolix and circumstantial in his writings, that I remember, our countryman Doctor Donne, fpeaking of that majestic and concife manner in which Mofes has defcribed the creation of the world, adds, that if fuch an author as Guicciardini were to have written on fuch a fubject, the world itfelf would not have been able to have contained the books that gave the hiftory of it's

'creation.'

I look upon a tedious talker, or what is generally known by the name of a Story-teller, to be much more infufferable than even a prolix writer. An author may be toffed out of your hand, and thrown afide when he grows dull and tiresome; but such liberties are so far from being allowed towards your orators in common converfation, that I have known a challenge fent a perfon for going out of the room abruptly, and leaving a man of honour in the midst of a differtation. This evil is at present fo very common and epidemical, that there is fcarce a coffee-houfe in town that has not fome speakers belonging to it, who utter their political essays, and draw parallels out of Baker's Chronicle to almoft every part of her Majesty's reign. It was faid of two ancient authors who had very different beauties in their ftyle, That if you took a word from one of them, you only spoiled his eloquence; but if you took a word from the other, you fpoiled his fenfe. I have often applied the first part of this criticism to feveral of thefe coffee-houfe fpeakers whom I have at prefent in my thoughts, though the character that is given to the laft of thofe authors, is what I would recommend to the imitation of my loving countrymen: but it is not only public places of refort, but private clubs

HOR. OD. I. LIB. 3. VER. 2.

and converfations over a bottle, that are infested with this loquacious kind

of

animal, especially with that species which I comprehend under the name of a Story-teller. I would earnestly defire thofe gentlemen to confider, that no point of wit or-mirth at the end of a ftory can atone for the half-hour that has been lost before they come at it. I would likewife lay it home to their ferious confideration, whether they think that every man in the company has not a right to speak as well as themfelves? And whether they do not think they are invading another man's property, when they engross the time which hould be divided equally among the company to their own private ufe?

What makes this evil the much greater in converfation is, that these humdrum companions feldom endeavour to wind up their narrations into a point of mirth or inftruction, which might make fome amends for the tediousness of them; but think they have a right to tell any thing that has happened within their memory. They look upon matter of fact to be a fufficient foundation for a ftory; and give us a long account of things, not because they are entertaining or furprizing, but because they are

true.

My ingenious kinfman, Mr. Humphrey Wagstaff, used to say- The life of man is too fhort for a ftory-teller."

quar

Methufalem might be half an hour in telling what o'clock it was: but as for us poftdiluvians, we ought to do every thing in hafte; and in our fpeeches as well as actions, remember that our time is fhort. A man that talks for a ter of an hour together in company, if I meet him frequently, takes up a great part of my span. A quarter of an hour may be reckoned the eight and fortieth part of a day, a day the three hundred and fixtieth part of a year, and a year the threefcore and tenth part of life. By this moral arithmetic, fuppofing a man to be in the talking world one third part of the day, whoever gives another a quarter of an hour's hearing, makes

him a facrifice of more than the four hundred thousandth part of his converfable life.

I would establish but one great general rule to be obferved in all converfation, which is this, That men fhould not talk to please themselves, but thofe that hear them. This would make them confider, whether what they speak be worth hearing? Whether there be either wit or fenfe in what they are about to fay? And, whether it be adapted to the time when, the place where, and the perfon to whom, it is spoken?

For the utter extirpation of thefe Orators and Story-tellers, which I look upon as very great pefts of fociety, I have invented a watch which divides the minute into twelve parts, after the fame manner that the ordinary watches are divided into hours; and will endeavour to get a patent, which shall oblige every club or company to provide themselves with one of thefe watches, that fhall lie upon the table as an hour-glafs is often placed near the pulpit, to measure out the length of a difcourse.

I fhall be willing to allow a man one round of my watch, that is, a whole minute, to speak in; but if he exceeds that time, it shall be lawful for any of the company to look upon the watch, or to call him down to order.

Provided, however, that if any can make it appear he is turned of threefcore, he may take two, or, if he pleases, three rounds of the watch, without giving offence. Provided also, that this rule be not conftrued to extend to the fair-fex, who fhall ftill be at liberty to talk by the ordinary watch that is now in ufe. I would likewife earnestly recommend this little automaton, which may be easily carried in the pocket without any incumbrance, to all fuch as are troubled with this infirmity of speech, that upon pulling out their watches, they may have frequent occafion to confider what they are doing, and by that means cut the thread of the story short, and hurry to a conclufion. I shall only add, that this watch, with a paper of directions how to use it, is fold at Charles Lillie's.

I am afraid a Tatler will be thought a very improper paper to cenfure this humour of being talkative; but I would have my readers know, that there is a great difference between Tattle and Loquacity, as I fhall fhew at large in a following lucubration; it being my defign to throw away a candle upon that fubject, in order to explain the whole art of Tattling in all it's branches and fubdivifions,

N° CCLXV. TUESDAY, DECEMBER 19, 1710.

ARBITER HIC IGITUR FACTUS DE LITE JOCOSA.

OVID. MET. LIB. 3. VER. 331.

K HIM THEREFORE THEY CREATE
THE SOVEREIGN UMPIRE OF THEIR DROLE DEBATE,

CONTINUATION OF THE JOURNAL OF THE COURT OF HONOUR, &c.

A ladies as the bench prefented, ac

S foon as the Court was fat, the

cording to order, a table of all the laws now in force, relating to vifits and vifiting-days, methodically digetted under their respective heads, which the Cenfor ordered to be laid upon the table, and afterwards proceeded upon the bufinefs of the day.

Henry Heedlefs, Efquire, was indict ed by Colonel Touchy of her Majelty's Trained Bands, upon an action of affault and battery; for that he the faid Mr. Heedlefs, having efpied a feather

upon the fhoulder of the faid colonel, ftruck it off gently with the end of a walking-ftaff, value three-pence. It appeared, that the profecutor did not think himself injured, until a few days after the aforefaid blow was given him; but that having ruminated with himtelf for feveral days, and conferred upon it with other officers of the militis, he concluded, that he had in effect been cudgelled by Mr. Heedlefs, and that he ought to refent it accordingly. The council for the profecutor alledged, that the fhoulder was the tendereft part of a man of honour; that it had a natural antipathy to a stick; and that every touch of it, with any thing made in the 4 G

fashion

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