1 is upon a like fuppofition, that young ladies, at this very time, in Roman Catholic countries, are received into some nunneries with their coffins, and with the pomp of a formal funeral, to fignify, that henceforth they are to be of no further ufe, and confequently dead. Nor was Pythagoras himself the first author of this fymbol, with whom, and with the Hebrews, it was generally received. Much more might be offered in illuftration of this doctrine from facred authority, which I recommend to my reader's own reflection; who will eafily recollect from places which I do not think fit to quote here, the forcible manner of applying the words, Dead and Living, to men as they are good or bad. I have therefore composed the following scheme of exiftence for the benefit both of the living and the dead; though chiefly for the latter, whom I must defire to read it with all poffible attention. In the number of the dead I comprehend all perfons, of what title or dignity foever, who bestow most of their time in eating and drinking, to fupport that imaginary existence of theirs which they call life; or in dreffing and adorning thofe fhadows and apparitions, which are looked upon by the vulgar as real men and women. In short, whoever refides in the world without having any business in it, and pafles away an age without ever thinking on the errand for which he was fent hither, is to me a dead man to all intents and purposes; and I defire that he may be fo reputed. The living are only thofe that are fome way or other laudably employed in the improvement of their own minds, or for the advantage of others; and even amongst thefe, I fhall only reckon into their lives that part of their time which has been spent in the manner above-mentioned. By thefe means, I am afraid, we shall find the longest lives not to confift of many months, and the greatest part of the earth to be quite unpeopled. According to this fyftem we may obferve, that fome men are born at twenty years of age, fome at thirty, fome at threefcore, and fome not above an hour before they die: nay, we may obferve multitudes that die without ever being born, as well as many dead perfons that fill up the bulk of mankind, and make a better figure in the eyes of the ignorant, than thofe who are alive, and in their proper and full ftate of health. However, fince there may be many good fubjects who pay their taxes, and live peaceably in their habitations, who are not yet born, or have departed this life feveral years fince, my defign is, to encourage both to join themselves as foon as poffible to the number of the living: for as I invite the former to break forth into being, and become good for fomething; fo I allow the latter a ftate of refufcitation; which I chiefly mention for the fake of a perfon, who has lately published an advertisement, with feveral fcurrilous terms in it, that do by no means become a dead man to give: it is my departed friend John Partridge, who concludes the advertisement of his next year's Almanack with the following note. Whereas it has been induftriously given out by Ifaac Bickerstaff, Esquire, and others, to prevent the fale of this year's Almanack, that John Partridge is dead: this may inform all his loving countrymen, that he is still living, in health, and they are knaves that ed it otherwife. report J. P. FROM MY OWN APARTMENT, NOV. 18. WHEN an engineer finds his guns have not had their intended effect, he changes his batteries. I am forced at prefent to take this method; and instead of continuing to write against the fingu larity fome are guilty of in their habit and behaviour, I fhall henceforward defire them to persevere in it; and not only fo, but fhall take it as a favour of all the coxcombs in the town, if they will fet mark's upon themselves, and by fome particular in their drefs, fhew to what clafs they belong. It would be very obliging in all fuch perfons, who feel in themselves that they are not found of understanding, to give the world notice of it, and fpare mankind the pains of finding them out. A cane upon the fifth button fhall from henceforth be the type of a Dapper; red-heeled fhoes, and an hat hung upon one fide of the head, fhall fignify a Smart; a good periwig made into a twift, with a brifk cock, shall fpeak a Mettled Fellow; and an upper." lip covered with snuff, denotes a Coffee, houfe Statefman. But as it is required that all coxcombs hang out their figns, it is on the other hand expected, that men of real merit fhould avoid any thing particular particular in their dress, gait, or behaviour. For, as we old men delight in proverbs, I cannot forbear bringing out one on this occafion, That good wine ' needs no bufh.' I must not leave this subject without reflecting on feveral perfons I have lately met with, who at a diftance feem very terrible; but upon a ftricter enquiry into their looks and features, appear as meek and harmless as any of my own neighbours. These are Country gentlemen, who of late years have taken up an humour of coming to town in red coats, whom an arch wag of my acquaintance used to describe very well, by calling them fheep in wolves cloathing. I have often wondered, that honest gentlemen, who are good neighbours, and live quietly in their own poffeffions, fhould take it in their heads to frighten the town after this unreasonable manner. I fhall think myself obliged, if they perfift in fo unnatural a drefs, notwithstanding any posts they may have in the militia, to give away their red coats to any of the foldiery who shall think fit to ftrip them, provided the faid foldiers can make it appear, that they belong to a regiment where there is a deficiency in the cloathing. About two days ago I was walking in the Park, and accidentally met a rural Efquire, cloathed in all the types abovementioned, with a carriage and behaviour made entirely out of his own head. He was of a bulk and ftature larger than ordinary, had a red coat, flung open to fhew a gay calamanco waistcoat: his periwig fell in a very confiderable bufh upon each fhoulder; his arms naturally fwang at an unreasonable diftance from his files; which, with the advantage of · a cane that he brandifhed in a great variety of irregular motions, made it unfafe for any one to walk within feveral yards of him. In this manner he took up the whole Mall, his fpectators moving on each fide of it, whilt he cocked up his hat, and marched directly for Weftminfter. I cannot tell who this gentleman is, but for my comfort, may fay with the Lover in Terence, who loft fight of a fine young lady Wherever thou art, thou canst not be long concealed.* ST. JAMES'S COFFEE HOUSE, NOV. 18. By letters from Paris, of the fixteenth, we are informed that the French King, the princes of the blood, and the Elector of Bavaria, had lately killed fifty-five pheasants. Whereas feveral have induftriously fpread abroad, that I am in partnership with Charles Lillie, the perfumer, at the corner of Beauford Buildings; I muft fay with my friend Partridge, that they are knaves who reported it. However, fince the faid Charles has promifed that all his customers fhall be mine, I must defire all mine to be his; and dare anfwer for him, that if you afk in my name for Snuff, Hungary or Orange water, you shall have the best the town affords, at the cheapest rate. N° XCVII. TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 1709. ILLUD MAXIME RARUM GENUS EST EORUM, QUI AUT EXCELLENTE INGENIT THERE ARE VERY FEW PERSONS OF EXTRAORDINARY GENIUS, OR EMINENT FOR LEARNING AND OTHER NOBLE ENDOWMENTS, WHO HAVE HAD SUFFICIENT TIME TO CONSIDER WHAT PARTICULAR COURSE OF LIFE THEY OUGHT TO PURSUE. FROM MY OWN APARTMENT, NOV. 21. [AVING fwept away prodigious brought a great deftruction upon my own pecies, I muft endeavour in this to raife fresh recruits, and, if poffible, to fupply the places of the unborn and the deteafed. It is faid of Xerxes, that when he ftood upon a hill, and faw the whole country round him covered with his army, he burst out into tears, to think alive an hundred years after. For my part, when I take a furvey of this popu lous city, I can fearce forbear weeping, to fee how few of it's inhabitants are now living. It was with this thought that ning up to him, accosted him after the following manner: "My dear Hercules," fays fhe, " I "find you are very much divided in your own thoughts upon the way of life that you ought to chufe: be my "friend, and follow me; I will lead you into the poffeffion of pleasure, "and out of the reach of pain, and re that I drew up my laft bill of mortality, When Hercules,' fays the divine moralist, ・ was in that part of his youth in which it was natural for him to confider what courfe of life he ought to purfue, he one day retired into a defart, where the filence and folitude of the place very much favoured his meditations. As he was mufing on his prefent condition, and very much perplexed in himfelf on the ftate of life he fhould chufe, he saw two women • of a larger ftature than ordinary approaching towards him. One of them had a very noble air, and graceful deportment; her beauty was natural and eafy, her perfon clean and unspotted, her eyes caft towards the ground with an agreeable referve, her motion and behaviour full of modesty, and her raiment as white as fnow. The other had a great deal of health and floridnels in her countenance, which he had helped with an artificial white and red; and endeavoured to appear more graceful than ordinary in her mien, by a mixture of affectation in all her gettures. She had a wonderful confidence and affurance in her looks, and all the variety of colours in her drefs that he thought were the most proper to fhew her complexion to an advantage. She caft f. her eyes upon herself, then turned them on thofe that were prefent, to fee how they liked her, and often looked on the figure fhe made in her own fhadow. Upon her nearer approach to Hercules, the ftepped before the other lady, who came forward with a regular compofed carriage, and run move you from all the noise and dif"quietude of bufinefs. The affairs of "either war or peace fhall have no power to disturb you. Your whole "employment fhall be to make your "life eafy, and to entertain every sense with it's proper gratifications. Sump"tuous tables, beds of rofes, clouds of "perfumes, concerts of mufic, crowds "of beauties, are all in a readiness to "receive you. Come along with me "into this region of delights, this "world of pleasure, and bid farewel for ever to care, to pain, to bufinefs." Hercules hearing the lady talk after 'this manner, defired to know her name; to which the answered-" My friends, " and those who are well acquainted "with me, call me Happiness; but my "enemies, and those who would injure my reputation, have given me the name of Pleasure." By this time the other lady was come up, who addreffed herself to the young hero in a very different manner. "Hercules," fays fhe, "I offer my"felf to you, because I know you are "defcended from the gods, and give "proofs of that defcent by your love to virtue, and application to the stu "dies proper for yourage. This makes me hope you will gain both for your"felf and me an immortal reputation. "But before I invite you into my fo ciety and friendship, I will be open "and fincere with you, and must lay "down this as an established truth, "That there is nothing truly valuable "which can be purchafed without pains "and labour. The gods have fet a "price upon every real and noble plea"fure. If you would gain the favour "of the Deity, you must be at the "pains of worshipping him; if the "friendship of good men, you must "study to oblige them; if you would "be honoured by your country, you "must take care to ferve it. In short, "if you would be eminent in war or "peace, you must become master of all "the qualifications that can make you ་་ f0. |