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Some by publick revenues, which pass'd thro' their hands,
Have purchas'd clean houses, and bought dirty lands:
Some to steal from a charity think it no sin,
Which at home (says the proverb) does always begin.
But if ever you be
Assign'd a trustee,
Treat not orphans like masters of the Chancery;
But take the highway, and more honestly seize;
For ev'ry man round me may rob, if he please.
What a pother has here been with Wood and his brass,
Who would modestly make a few halfpennies pass!
The patent is good, and the precedent's old,
For Diomede changed his copper for gold:
But, if Ireland despise
With more safety to rob on the road I advise :
For Blueskin's sharp penknife hath set you at ease,
And ev'ry man round me may rob, if he please.
STREPHON AND FLAVIA.
WITH ev'ry lady in the land
Soft Strephon kept a pother;
One year he languish'd for one hand,
And next year for the other.
Yet, when his love the shepherd told
To Flavia fair and coy,
Reserv'd, demure, than snow more cold,
She scorn'd the gentle boy.
Late at a ball he own'd his pain:
She blush'd, and frown'd, and swore,
With all the marks of high disdain,
She'd never hear him more.
The swain persisted still to pray,
The nymph still to deny;
At last she vow'd she would not stay;
He swore she should not fly.
Enrag'd, she call'd her footman straight,
And rush'd from out the room,
Drove to her lodging, lock'd the gate,
And lay with Ralph at home.
A TALE OCCASIONED BY THE DEATH OF THE DUKE REGENT OF FRANCE.
How vain are mortal man's endeavours!
(Said, at dame Elleot's *, master Travers)
Good Orleans dead! in truth 'tis hard:
O! may all statesmen die prepar❜d !
I do foresee (and for foreseeing
He equals any man in being)
ne'er can be disbanded.
-I wish the king were safely landed.
Ah friends! great changes threat the land!
All France and England at a stand!
There's Meroweis-mark! strange work!
And there's the czar, and there's the Turk-
*Coffeehouse, near St. James's, H.
―an India merchant by Cut short the speech with this reply: All at a stand? you see great changes? Ah, sir! you never saw the Ganges: There dwells the nation of Quidnunckis (So Monomotapa calls monkeys :) On either bank, from bough to bough, They meet and chat (as we may now?) Whispers go round, they grin, they shrug: They bow, they snarl, they scratch, they hug; And, just as chance or whim provoke them, They either bite their friends, or stroke them. There have I seen some active prig, To show his parts, bestride a twig: Lord! how the chatt'ring tribe admire! Not that he's wiser, but he's higher : All long to try the vent'rous thing (For pow'r is but to have one's swing.) From side to side he springs, he spurns, And bangs his foes and friends by turns. Thus, as in giddy freaks he bounces, Crack goes the twig, and in he flounces! Down the swift stream the wretch is born; Never, ah never, to return!
Z-ds! what a fall had our dear brother! "Marbleu!" cries one; and "damme," t'other. The nation gives a gen'ral screech;
None cocks his tail, none claws his breech;
Each trembles for the publick weal,
And for a while forgets to steal.
A while all eyes, intent and steady,
Pursue him whirling down the eddy:
But, out of mind when out of view,
Some other mounts the twig anew;
And bus'ness, on each monkey shore,
Runs the same track it ran before.
IN fable all things hold discourse;
Then words, no doubt, must talk of course.
Once on a time, near Channel row *,
Two hostile adverbs, Ay and No,
Were hastening to the field of fight,
And front to front stood opposite.
Before each gen'ral join'd the van,
Ay, the more courteous knight, began.
Stop, peevish particle, beware!
I'm told you are not such a bear,
But sometimes yield, when offer'd fair.
Suffer yon folks a while to tattle;
'Tis we who must decide the battle.
Whene'er we war on yonder stage
With various fate and equal rage,
The nation trembles at each blow,
That No gives Ay, and Ay gives no:
Yet, in expensive, long contention,
We gain nor office, grant, or pension
Why then should kinsfolk quarrel thus?
(For two of you make one of us †.)
To some wise statesman let us go,
Where each his proper use may
know: He may admit two such commanders,
And make those wait who serv'd in Flanders.
Let's quarter on a great man's tongue,
A treasury lord, not master Young.
A dirty street, near the parliament house, Westminster, H. In English, two negatives make an affirmative. H.
Obsequious at his high command,
Ay shall march forth to tax the land,
Impeachments No can best resist,
And Ay support the Civil List:
Ay, quick as Cæsar wins the day;
And No, like Fabius, by delay.
Sometimes, in mutual sly disguise,
Let Ayes seem Noes, and Noes seem Ayes
Ayes be in courts denials meant,
And Noes in bishops give consent.
Thus Ay propos'd-and for reply
No for the first time answer'd Ay.
They parted with a thousand kisses,
And fight e'er since for pay, like Swisses.
THE LAMENTATION OF GLUMDALCLITCH FOR THE LOSS OF GRILDRIG,
Soon as Glumdalclitch miss'd her pleasing care,
She wept, she blubber'd, and she tore her hair;
No British miss sincerer grief has known,
Her squirrel missing, or her sparrow flown.
She furl'd her sampler, and haul'd in her thread,
And stuck her needle into Grildrig's bed;
Then spread her hands, and with a bounce let fall
Her baby, like the giant in Guildhall.
In peals of thunder now she roars, and now,
She gently whimpers like a lowing cow:
Yet lovely in her sorrow still appears:
Her locks dishevell'd, and her flood of tears,