Never did bold knight, to relieve Distressed dames, such dreadful feats achieve, Would have been proud to undertake; The world's loss and their own, Strove who should have the honour to lay down But, finding all their hopes in vain To move his fixt determin'd fate, As if it were an infamy To live when he was doom'd to die; To less hard-hearted grates and stones; Came, swell'd with sighs, and drown'd in tears, Chain'd to the lofty wheels of his triumphant car. This ballad refers to the parliament, as it was called, which deliberated about making Oliver king, and petitioned him to accept the title; which Wherefore 'twas thought good But when they came to trial, Yet three knaves in the whole, And that made up a pair-royal. A BALLAD IN TWO PARTS, CONJECTURED TO BE ON OLIVER CROMWELL.- DRAW near, good people all, draw near, A stranger thing Had you but seen this monster, His face is round and decent, A thing like a nose, But, indeed, it is no such matter. On both sides of th' aforesaid Are eyes, but they 're not matches, On which there are To be seen two fair And large well-grown mustaches. Now this with admiration Does all beholders strike, He has no scull, 'tis well known Does keep his brains in On both sides of his noddle Are straps o' th' very same leather; Ears are imply'd, But they're mere hide, Or morsels of tripe, choose ye whether. Between these two extendeth A slit from ear to ear, That every hour Gapes to devour The sowce that grows so near. he, out of fear of some republican zealots in his party, refused to accept, and contented himself with the power, under the name of Protector. Beneath, a tuft of bristles, Within, a set of grinders Most sharp and keen, corroding As easy as That you would do a pudding. But the strangest thing of all is, Upon his rump there groweth A great long tail, That useth to trail Upon the ground as he goeth. PART II. THIS monster was begotten B' an imp that came to her, With black doublet and breeches. When he was whelp'd, for certain, The hogs and swine Did grunt and whine, And the ravens croak'd upon trees. The hollow tree in th' owl 'Tis a good horse that ne'er stumbled. As soon as he was brought forth, At the midwife's throat he flew, And up the walls he clamber'd, I' th' boards and roof, And out o' th' top o' th' chimney Away men, women, and children. Long did he there continue, And all those parts much harmed, With tip of his tail, and his right ear. And with her charms and ointments For she us'd to ride But, to the admiration He hath been shown In every town, And eke in every shire. And now, at length, he 's brought Where in Fleet-street That will not believe my ditty. God save the king and parliament, And eke the prince's highness, And quickly send The wars an end, As here my song has-Finis. MISCELLANEOUS THOUGHTS. ALL men's intrigues and projects tend, And knaves appear more just and true Pass on the rabble for the learn'd; How various and innumerable The doctor's and the lawyer's fees, Discharge all damages and costs Of markets, churches, and of courts; With all the charges incident, SHOULD Once the world resolve t' abolish All that's ridiculous and foolish, It would have nothing left to do, T apply in jest or earnest to, No business of importance, play, Or state, to pass its time away. Tax world would be more just, if truth and lies, And right and wrong, did bear an equal price; But, since impostors are so highly rais'd, And faith and justice equally debas'd, Few men have tempers, for such paltry gains, Tundo themselves with drudgery and pains. THE Sottish world without distinction looks On all that passes on th' account of books; And, when there are two scholars that within The species only hardly are a-kin, The world will pass for men of equal knowledge, If equally they 've loiter'd in a college. Carrics are like a kind of flies, that breed In wild fig-trees, and, when they 're grown up, feed As all fanatics preach, so all men write, Out of the strength of gifts, and inward light, In spite of art; as horses thorough pac'd Were never taught, and therefore go more fast. Is all mistakes the strict and regular Are found to be the desperat'st ways to err, And worst to be avoided; as a wound Is said to be the harder cur'd that 's round; For errour and mistake, the less they appear, In th' end are found to be the dangerouser; As no man minds those clocks that use to go Apparently too over-fast or slow. THE truest characters of ignorance Are vanity, and pride, and arrogance; As blind men use to bear their noses higher Than those that have their eyes and sight entire. THE metaphysic 's but a puppet motion, 'Tis not the art of schools to understand, But make things bard, instead of being explain'd; And therefore those are commonly the learned'st MORE proselytes and converts use t' accrue To false persuasions than the right and true; For errour and mistake are infinite, But truth has but one way to be i' th' right; ALL wit and fancy, like a diamond, The more exact and curious 'tis ground, Is forc'd for every carat to abate As much in value as it wants in weight. THE great St. Lewis, king of France, A thousand weight of gold, to free The king pays down one half o' th' nail, THOSE that go up hill use to bow Can stoop to any thing that 's base, ALL acts of grace, and pardon, and oblivion, Are meant of services that are forgiven, And not of crimes delinquents have committed, And rather been rewarded than acquitted. LIONS are kings of beasts, and yet their power Is not to rule and govern, but devour: Such savage kings all tyrants are, and they No better than mere beasts that do obey. NOTHING's more dull and negligent Than an old lazy government, That knows no interest of state, But such as serves a present strait, And, to patch up, or shift, will close, Or break alike, with friends or foes; That runs behind hand, and has spent Its credit to the last extent; And, the first time 'tis at a loss, Has not one true friend nor one cross. THE Devil was the first o' th' name From whom the race of rebels came, Who was the first bold undertaker Of bearing arms against his Maker, And, though miscarrying in th' event, Was never yet known to repent, Though tumbled from the top of bliss Down to the bottomless abyss; A property which, from their prince, The family owns ever since, And therefore ne'er repent the evil They do or suffer, like the Devil. THE worst of rebels never arm To do their king or country harm; But draw their swords to do them good, As doctors cure by letting blood. No seared conscience is so fell As that which has been burnt with zeal; For Christian charity 's as well A great impediment to zeal, As zeal a pestilent disease To Christian charity and peace. As thistles wear the softest down, MAN is supreme lord and master DAME Fortune, some men's tutelar, Takes charge of them, without their care; Does all their drudgery and work, Like fairies, for them in the dark; Conducts them blindfold, and advances The naturals by blinder chances; While others by desert or wit Could never make the matter hit, But still, the better they deserve, Are but the abler thought to starve. GREAT wits have only been preferr'd, And, when they cost them nothing, plac'd As gold, that 's proof against th' assay, So some men, having stood the hate Transported with a false caress Of unacquainted happiness, Lost to humanity and sense, Have fall'n as low as insolence. INNOCENCE is a defence For nothing else but patience; WHO doth not know with what fierce rage Opinions, true or false, engage; And, 'cause they govern all mankind, Like the blind's leading of the blind, All claim an equal interest, And free dominion o'er the rest? And, as one shield, that fell from Heaven, Was counterfeited by eleven, The better to secure the fate And lasting empire of a state, The false are numerous, and the true, That only have the right, but few. OPINION governs all mankind, Like the blind's leading of the blind; For he that has no eyes in 's head, Must be by a dog glad to be led; And no beasts have so little in them As that inhuman brute, Opinion; "Tis an infectious pestilence, The tokens upon wit and sense, That with a venomous contagion Invades the sick imagination; And, when it seizes any part, It strikes the poison to the heart. This men of one another catch By contact, as the humours match; And nothing 's so perverse in nature As a profound opiniator. AUTHORITY intoxicates, And makes mere sots of magistrates; A GODLY man, that has serv'd out his time. In holiness, may set up any crime; As scholars, when they 've taken their degrees, May set up any faculty they please. WHY should not piety be made, As well as equity, a trade, And men get money by devotion, A TEACHER'S doctrine, and his proof, Is all his province, and enough; But is no more concern'd in use, Than shoemakers to wear all shoes. THE Soberest saints are more stiff-necked Than th' hottest-headed of the wicked. HYPOCRISY will serve as well To propagate a church, as zeal; As persecution and promotion Do equally advance devotion: So round white stones will serve, they say, As well as eggs, to make hens lay. THE greatest saints and sinners have been made Of proselytes of one another's trade. YOUR wise and cautious consciences And challenge Heaven, they made them to, Is but confin'd, and keeps the key; Of all sorts, for all sorts of vices; Can transubstantiate, metamorphose, And charm whole herds of beasts, like Orpheus; Make woods, and tenements, and lands, And settle on a new freehold, Make mountains move with greater force And perjures, to secure th' enjoyments And not their movements, wheels, and springs. ALL love, at first, like generous wine, THE motions of the Earth, or Sun, Which, though they keep no even pace, Move true and constant to one place. Love is too great a happiness Translate to Earth the joys above; ALL wild but generous creatures live, of course, T his own and only female is gallant; That first enjoy'd her single maidenhead; But paltry rams, and bulls, and goats, and boars, As all poltroons with us delight to range, THE Souls of women are so small, And, though their passions have most power, ALL sorts of votaries, that profess To bind themselves apprentices To Heaven, abjure, with solemn vows, Not Cut and Long-tail, but a spouse, As th' worst of all impediments To hinder their devout intents. MOST virgins marry, just as nuns The same thing the same way renounce; Before they 've wit to understand The bold attempt they take in hand; Or, having staid and lost their tides, Are out of season grown for brides. THE credit of the marriage-bed Has been so loosely husbanded, Men only deal for ready money, And women, separate alimony; And ladies-errant, for debauching, Have better terms, and equal caution; And, for their journeywork and pains, The charwomen clear greater gains. |