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belief, he appeared staggered, mused a while, and then exclaimed, "Vell, Sir, there's von thing, if it's ever so true-I never hits mine over the head; circumstance which so reconciled him to the doctrine of Pythagoras, that he let fall a heavy blow upon his beast's crupper, and disappeared. If the Ass be not entitled to rank as an esquire, Cervantes makes him at least a squire-bearer, whereas the squire himself is only a shield-bearer; aad our long-eared hero was formally dubbed a gentleman by King Charles. A Mayor of Rochester, just at the commencement of an elaborate address to that Monarch, was accompanied by the loud braying of an Ass, when his Majesty exclaimed, "One at a time, Gentlemen, one at a time." A common tradition attributes the black line, or cross, upon the shoulders of this animal to the blow inflicted by Balaam; in allusion to which a witling, who had been irreverently sneering at the miracles in the presence of Dr. Parr, said triumphantly, "Well, Doctor, what say you to the story of Balaam's Ass, and the cross upon its shoulders ?"—" Why, Sir,” replied the Doctor, " I say, that if you had a little more of the Cross, and a great deal less of the Ass, it would be much better for you." A singer once complaining to Sheridan that himself and his brother (both of whom were deemed simpletons) had been ordered to take Ass's milk, but that, on account of its expensiveness, he hardly knew what they should do." Do?" cried Sheridan, "why apply to one another, to be sure."

66

Gentle reader, whether of that sex whose limbs hang together against the ribs of this forlorn animal,

from a side-saddle, or of that more ponderous gender that doth bestride his narrow back like a Colossus, if in thy summer jaunts to Margate or Brighton thou dost make him minister to thy pleasures, toiling through the sun and dust to bear thee to cake-smelling bowers, and tea-dispensing shades, O, bethink thee of his regal stalls in Palestine, and grudge him not the thistle by the way-sides: recall his silken housings, and have pity on his gored and ragged sides remember his glorious burden in the valley of Cedron, and respect his present wretchedness: muse upon the fate of Balaam, and cast away thy staff.

PETER PINDARICS.

The Auctioneer and the Lawyer.

A CITY Auctioneer, one Samuel Stubbs,
Did greater execution with his hammer,
Assisted by his puffing clamour,

Than Gog and Magog with their clubs,
Or that great Fee-fa-fum of war,
The Scandinavian Thor,

Did with his mallet, which (see Bryant's
Mythology) fell'd stoutest giants :—

For Samuel knock'd down houses, churches,
And woods of oak and elm and birches,
With greater ease than mad Orlando

Tore the first tree he laid his hand to.

He ought, in reason, to have raised his own

Lot by knocking others' down;

And had he been content with shaking

His hammer and his hand, and taking

Advantage of what brought him grist, he
Might have been as rich as Christie ;—
But somehow when thy midnight bell, Bow,
Sounded along Cheapside its knell,
Our spark was busy in Pall-mall
Shaking his elbow,-

Marking, with paw upon his mazzard,
The turns of hazard;

Or rattling in a box the dice,

Which seem'd as if a grudge they bore
To Stubbs: for often in a trice,

Down on the nail he was compell'd to pay
All that his hammer brought him in the day,
And sometimes more.

Thus, like a male Penelope, our wight,
What he had done by day undid by night:
No wonder, therefore, if, like her,
He was beset by clamorous brutes,
Who crowded round him to prefer
Their several suits.

One Mr. Snipps, the tailor, had the longest
Bill for many suits—of raiment,

And naturally thought he had the strongest
Claim for payment.

But debts of honour must be paid,

Whate'er becomes of debts of trade;
And so our stilish auctioneer,

From month to month throughout the year,

Excuses, falsehoods, pleas alleges,

Or flatteries, compliments, and pledges.

When in the latter mood one day,

He squeezed his hand, and swore to pay.—

“But when?”—“ Next month.-You may depend on't, My dearest Snipps, before the end on't ;—

Your face proclaims in every feature,

You wouldn't harm a fellow-creature—

You're a kind soul, I know you are, Snipps."

Ay, so you said six months ago;

But such fine words, I'd have you know,

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Where business interposes not its rubs;
For where the main chance is in question,
Damon leaves Pythias to the stake,
Pylades and Orestes break,

And Alexander cuts Hephæstion;

But when our man of law must sue his friends,

Tenfold politeness made amends.

So when he meets our Auctioneer,

Into his outstretch'd hand he thrust his

Writ, and said, with friendly leer,

66 My dear, dear Stubbs, pray do me justice;

In this affair I hope you see

No censure can attach to me

Don't entertain a wrong impression ;

I'm doing now what must be done

In my profession."

"And so am I," Stubbs answer'd with a frown, So crying "Going-going-going-gone!" He knock'd him down!

VOL. I.

The Gouty Merchant and the Stranger.

IN Broad-street Buildings, on a winter night,
Snug by his parlour fire a gouty wight
Sate all alone, with one hand rubbin
His leg roll'd up in fleecy hose,

While t'other held beneath his nose

The Public Ledger, in whose columns grubbing, He noted all the sales of hops,

Ships, shops, and slops,

Gum, galls and groceries, ginger, gin,

Tar, tallow, turmerick, turpentine, and tin.

When, lo! a decent personage in black
Enter'd, and most politely said,—

"Your footman, Sir, has gone his nightly track, To the King's Head,

And left your door ajar, which I

Observed in passing by,

And thought it neighbourly to give you notice.”

"Ten thousand thanks-how very few get,

In time of danger,

Such kind attentions from a stranger!
Assuredly that fellow's throat is

Doom'd to a final drop at Newgate.
He knows, too, the unconscionable elf,
That there's no soul at home except myself."

"Indeed!" replied the stranger, looking grave; "Then he's a double knave.

He knows that rogues and thieves by scores
Nightly beset unguarded doors;

And see how easily might one

Of these domestic foes,

Even beneath your very nose,

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