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Thou, who fince yesterday haft roll'd o'er all
The bufy, idle blockheads of the ball,
Haft thou, oh fun!: beheld an emptier fort,
Than fuch as fwell this bladder of a court?
Now pox on those who show a court in wax *!
It ought to bring all courtiers on their backs :
Such painted puppets! fuch a varnish'd race
Of hollow gewgaws, only drefs and face!
Such waxen nofes, ftately staring things-
No wonder fome folks bow, and think them kings..
See! where the British youth, engag'd no more,
At Fig's, at White's, § with felons, or a whore,
Fear frowns; and my mistress Truth, betray thee
For th' huffing, bragart, puft nobility?
No, no, thou which fince yefterday haft been,
Almoft about the whole world, haft thou seen,
O fun, in all thy journey, vanity,
Such as fwells the bladder of our court? I
Think he which made your + waxen garden, and
Tranfported it from Italy, to stand
With us at London, flouts our courtiers; for
Juft fuch gay painted things, which no fap, nor
Tafte have in them, ours are; and natural
Some of the ftocks are; their fruits baftard all.
'Tis ten a clock and paft; all whom the mues,
Ealoun, or tennis, diet or the stews
A famous fhow of the court of France, in wax-work.
White's was a noted gaming-houfe Fig's, a prize fighter's academy, where the young nobility received inftruction in those days: it was also cuftomary for the nobility and gentry to vifit the condemned criminals in Newgate.
A how of the Italian garden in wax-work, in the time of king James the Firit.
That is, of wood. !! 1.
Pay their laft duty to the court, and come
All fresh and fragrant, to the drawing-room;
In hues as gay, and odours as divine,
As the fair fields they fold to look fo fine.
"That's velvet for a king!" the flatt'rer fwears;
'Tis true, for ten days hence 'twill be king Lear's.
Our court may juftly to our ftage give rules,
That helps it both to fool's-coats and to fools.
And why not players ftrut in courtiers cloaths?
For these are actors too, as well as those :
Wants reach all ftates; they beg but better dreft,
And all is fplendid poverty at best.
Painted for fight, and effenc'd for the smell,
Like frigates fraught with spice and cochinell,
Sail in the ladies: how each pirate eyes
So weak a veffel, and fo rich a prize!
Top-gallant he, and fhe in all her trim,
He boarding her, fhe ftriking fail to him:
"Dear countess! you have charms all hearts to hit !"
AndSweet Sir Fopling! you have fo much wit!"
Had all the morning held, now the fecond
Time made ready, that day, in flocks are found
In the Prefence, and I (God pardon me)
As fresh and sweet their apparels be, as be
Their fields they fold to buy them. For a king
Those hofe are, cry the flatterers and bring
Them next week to the theatre to fell.
Wants reach all ftates: me feems they do as well
At ftage, as courts; all are players. Whoe'er looks
(For themselves dare not go) o'er Cheapfide books,
Shall find their wardrobes inventory. Now
The ladies come. As pirates (which do know
That there came weak fhips fraught with cutchanel)
The men board them; and praife (as they think) well,
Such wits and beauties are not prais'd for nought,
For both the beauty and the wit are bought.
'Twou'd burft ev'n Heraclitus with the spleen,
To fee those anticks, Foplin and Courtin:
The prefence feems, with things fo richly odd,
The mofque of Mahound, or fome queer pa-god.
See them furvey their limbs by Durer's rules *,
Of all beau-kind the beft proportion'd fools!
Adjuft their cloaths, and to confeffion draw
Thofe venial fins, an atom, or a straw;
But oh! what terrors muft diftract the foul
Convicted of that mortal crime, a hole;
Or fhould one pound of powder less bespread
Those monkey-tails that wag behind their head.
Thus finifh'd, and corrected to a hair,
They inarch, to prate their hour before the fair.
Great ftains and holes in them, but venial
Feathers and duft, wherewith they fornicate:
And then by Durer's rules furvey the state
Of his each limb, and with ftrings the odds tries
Of his neck to his leg, and wafte to thighs.
Their beauties; they the men's wits; both are bought,
Why good wits ne'er wear fcarlet gowns, I thought
This cause, Thefe men, mens wits for speeches buy,
And women buy all red which scarlets dye.
He call'd her beauty lime-twigs, her hair net :
She fears her drugs ill lay'd, her hair loose set..
Wouldn't Heraclitus laugh to see Macrine
From hat to fhoe, himself at door refine,
As if the prefence were a mofque and lift
His skirts and hofe, and call his cloaths to fhrift,
Making them confefs not only mortal
So first to preach a white-glov'd chaplain goes,
With band of lily, and with cheek of rose,
Sweeter than Sharon, in immac'late trim,
Neatness itself impertinent in him.
Let but the ladies fmile, and they are bleft:
Prodigious how the things protest, protest:
Peace, fools, or Gonson will for papists seize you,
If once he catch you at your Jefu! Fefu!
Nature made ev'ry fop to plague his brother,
Juft as one beauty mortifies another.
But here's the captain that will plague them both,
Whose air cries arm! whofe very looks an oath :
The captain's honeft, Sirs, and that's enough,
Tho' his foul's bullet, and his body buff.
He fpits fore-right; his haughty cheft before,
Like batt'ring rams, beats open ev'ry door :
So in immaculate cloaths, and fymmetry
Perfect as circles, with fuch nicety
As a young preacher at his first time goes
To preach, he enters, and a lady which owes
Him not so much as good- will, he arrefts,
And unto her protefts, protefts, protests,
So much as at Rome would serve to have thrown
Ten cardinals into the Inquifition;
And whispers by Jefu fo oft, that a
Purfuevant would have ravifh'd him away
For faying our lady's pfalter. But 'tis fit
That they each other plague, they merit it.
But here comes Glorious that will plague 'em both,
Who in the other extreme only doth
Call a rough carelesness, good fashion :
Whose cloak his fpurs tear, or whom he spits on,
He cares not, he. His ill words do no harm
To him; he rushes in, as if arm, arm,
And with a face as red, and as awry,
As Herod's hangdogs in old tapestry,
Scarecrow to boys, the breeding woman's curfe,
Has yet a ftrange ambition to look worse :
Confounds the civil, keeps the rude in awe,
Jefts like a licens'd fool, commands like law.
Frighted, I quit the room, but leave it fo
As men from jails to execution go;
For hung with deadly fins * I fee the wall,
And lin'd with giants deadlier than 'em all;
Each man an Afkapart †, of ftrength to tofs
For quoits, both Temple-bar and Charing-crofs.
Scar'd at the grizly forms, I fweat, I fly,
And shake all o'er, like a difcover'd fpy.
Courts are too much for wits so weak as mine: Charge them with Heav'n's artill'ry, bold divine!
He meant to cry; and though his face be as ill
As theirs which in old hangings whip Christ, still
He ftrives to look worfe; he keeps all in awe ;
Jefts like a licens'd fool, commands like law.
Tir'd, now I leave this place, and but pleas'd fo
As men from gaols to execution go,
Go, through the great chamber (why is it hung
With the feven deadly fins?) being among
Thofe Afkaparts †, men big enough to throw
Charing-crofs for a bar, men that do know
No token of wort but queen's man, and fine
Living; barrels of beef, flaggons of wine.
I fhook like a fpied fpie-Preachers which are
Seas of wit and arts, you can, then dare,
Drown the fins of this place, but as for me
Which am but a fcant brook, enough fhall be
* The room hung with old tapestry, representing the feven deadly fins. † A giant famous in romances.