speeches. Thus, when a vehement declaimer, calling aloud for his head, turned around and perceived his victim unconsciously indulging in a soft slumber, and becoming still more exasperated, denounced the Minister as capable of sleeping while he ruined his country-the latter only complained how hard it was to be denied a solace which other criminals so often enjoyed, that of having a night's rest before their fate. When surprised in a like indulgence during the performance of a very inferior artist, who, however, showed equal indignation at so illtimed a recreation, he contented himself with observing, how hard it was that he should be grudged so very natural a release from considerable suffering; but, as if recollecting himself, added, that it was somewhat unjust in the gentleman to complain of him taking the remedy which he had himself been considerate enough to administer. The same goodhumour and drollery quitted him not when in opposition. Every one has heard of the speech which, if it had failed to injure the object of its attack, was very effectual in fixing a name upon its honest and much respected author. On Mr. Martin's proposal to have a starling placed near the chair and taught to repeat the cry of "Infamous coalition!" Lord North coolly suggested that, as long as the worthy member was preserved to them, it would be a needless waste of the public money, since the starling might well perform his office by deputy. That in society such a man must have been the most delight

7

ful of companions, may well be supposed. In his family, and in all his private intercourse as in his personal character he was known to be in every respect amiable; of scrupulous integrity and unsullied honour.-Brougham's Statesmen.

THEODORE HOOK'S HOAXING.

In a life of the author of the "Ingolsby Legends," prefixed to an edition of that work, is given an account of a humorous hoax, played off by Hook, upon an old lady from the country. It is an extract from "Ingolsby's" diary.

"Hook called, and, in the course of conversation, gave me an account of his going to Lord Melville's trial with a friend. They went early, and were engaged in conversation when the peers began to enter. At this moment, a country-looking lady, whom he afterward found to be a resident at Rye, in Sussex, touched his arm, and said, 'I beg your pardon, sir, but pray, who are those gentlemen in red, now coming in?' 'Those, ma'am,' returned Theodore, 'are the barons of England; in these cases the junior peers always come first.' 'Thank you, sir, much obliged to you. Louisa, my dear, (turning to a girl about fourteen,) tell Jane (about ten) those are the barons of England, and the juniors (that's the youngest, you know) always goes first. Tell her to be sure and remember that when we get home.' 'Dear me, ma!' said Louisa, 'can that gentlemen be one of the youngest? I am sure he looks very old.'

Human nature, added Hook, could not stand this; any one, though with no more mischief in him than a dove, must have been excited to a hoax. 'And pray, sir,' continued the lady, 'what gentlemen are these?' pointing to the bishops, who came next in order, in the dress which they wear on state occasions, viz. the rochet and lawn sleeves over their doctor's robes. 'Gentlemen, madam!' said Hook, 'these are not gentlemen; these are ladies, elderly ladies-dowager peeresses in their own right.' The fair inquirer fixed a penetrating glance upon his countenance, saying, as plainly as an eye can say, 'Are you quizzing me or no?' Not a muscle moved; till, at last, tolerably well satisfied with her scrutiny, she turned round and whispered, 'Louisa, dear, the gentleman says that these are elderly ladies and dowager peeresses in their own right; tell Jane not to forget that.' All went on smoothly, till the Speaker of the House of Commons attracted her attention by the rich embroidery of his robes. 'Pray, sir,' said she, and who is that fine looking person opposite?' 'That, madam,' was the answer, 'is Cardinal Wolsey.' 'No, sir,' cried the lady, drawing herself up, and casting at her informant a look of angry disdain, ‘we know a little better than that; Cardinal Wolsey has been dead many a good year!' 'No such thing, my dear madam, I assure you,' replied Hook, with a gravity which must have been preternatural; 'it has been, I know, so reported in the country, but without the least foundation; in fact, those rascally newspa

เ

pers will say any thing.' The good old gentlewoman appeared thunder-struck, opened her eyes to their full extent, and gasped like a dying carp; vox faucibus hæsit, seizing a daughter with each hand, she hurried, without a word, from the spot."

KING OF CEYLON.

Sydney Smith, in one of his reviews, relates an amusing incident. Speaking of the king of Ceylon, he says: "He has been known to detain a string of four or five Dutch embassies, till various members of the legation died of old age at his court, while they were expecting an answer to their questions, and a return to their presents; and his majesty once exasperated a little French ambassador to such a degree, by the various pretences under which he kept him at his court, that this lively member of the corps diplomatique, one day, in a furious passion, attacked six or seven of his majesty's largest elephants sword in hand, and would, in all probability, have reduced them to mince-meat, if the poor beasts had not been saved from the unequal combat."

ENGLISH AFTER-DINNER SPEECHES.

The New Monthly Magazine gives the following as an average specimen of this species of eloquence:"This I may say, gentlemen-that is, perhaps, I may be allowed to observe-to remark, rather as remarkably expressive of--to observe, I would say, as remarkably expressive of my feelings on this occa-on

the present occasion-is, gentlemen-that I consider this-I'm sure I need not say-and I say it without hesitation that this is the proudest moment of my life, (pause.) For, as the fabled bird of poetry, the phoenix, of our immortal bard, derives new vitality from the ashes of, if I may be allowed the expression, an expired and extinct existence, so does the calm serenity of age emanate from the transitory turbulence of youth, (pause.) And, gentlemen-gentlemen, I'm quite sure I need not add-need not add, on the present occasion-what I'm sure you will readily believe, that my feelings are naturally, on the present occasion-that those feelings, I say, may be conceived, or even imagined, but they can neither be described, nor-nor-depicted, (pause.) For, like the poisonous upas, whose deadly and devastating,' &c.-Fluent for two minutes and a half."

TWO EVILS.

"There are only two bad things in this world," says Hannah More, "sin and bile."

RESERVED PERSONS.

Persons extremely reserved are like old enamelled watches, which had painted covers, that hindered your seeing what o'clock it was.- Walpole.

RETIREMENT.

It is neither so easy a thing, nor so agreeable a one, as men commonly expect, to dispose of leisure when