COMIC PIECES FOR RECITATION. VAT YOU PLEASE.* Some years ago when civil faction Raged like a fury through the fields of Gaul; And children, in the general distraction, Were taught to curse as soon as they could squall. To put folks more on an equality; Sans cash, sans clothes, and almost sans every thing! Half-starved, but toujours gai, (No weasels e'er were thinner,) Trudged up to town from Dover. Their slender store exhausted in the way, *The Narrative part of this piece, (as well as of others of a similar nature,) should be spoken in a lively manner, and in the natural voice of the Speaker. There are three characters to be assumed; that of the Waiter, the Frenchman, and the Innkeeper. The Waiter should be made to exhibit an affectation of civility, with rather a hasty manner. The Frenchman should bow and cringe most obsequiously; and in the proper delineation of his character depends the chief humour of the piece. The Innkeeper is bluff and sturdy, and his strong voice should form a contrast with the slender tones of the Frenchman. From morn till noon, from noon till dewy eve, Stomach and pocket in the same condition! This happen'd on a day most dear To Epicures, when gen'ral use Sanctions the roasting of the sav'ry goose! And snuff'd and long'd, and long'd and snuff'd again. Necessity's the mother of invention, (A proverb I've heard many mention,) So now one moment saw his plan completed, The ready waiter at his elbow stands "Sir will you favour me with your commands, We've roast and boil'd, Sir, choose you those or these "Sare! you are very good, Sare! Vat you please!" Quick at the word, Upon the table smokes the wish'd-for bird! But pounced pell-mell upon it, Drumstick and merry-thought he pick'd in haste, Ah, vat you please!" And now our Frenchman having ta'en his fill, Ah, vat you're Bill! vell Mr. Bill, good day! Bon jour, good Villiam."" No, Sir, stay, My name is Tom, Sir-you've this bill to pay." Pay, pay, ma Foi! I call for noting, Sare-pardonnez moi ! You bring me vat you call your goose, your cheese, Down came the master, each explained the case, And finding nothing could be done, (you know, To make him pay some would be rather funny) When turning round the corner of a street, And, upstairs running, thus address'd his Master: Too much of one thing-the proverb's somewhat musty · But when a second time they tried the treason, It made him crusty, Sir, and with good reason, You would be crusty were you done so much. There is a kind of instrument Which greatly helps a serious argument, And which, when properly applied, occasions Some most unpleasant tickling sensations! 'Twould make more clumsy folks than Frenchmen skip, "Twould strike you, presently, a stout Horsewhip. This instrument our Maitre d Hote Most carefully concealed beneath his coat; Our Frenchman bowing to his threadbare knees, Oh dear Monsieur, vat make you use me so? Vat call you dis?"- "Ah don't you know, That's what I please," says Bonny, "how d'ye like it? Your friend, although I paid dear for his funning, Deserv'd the goose he gain'd Sir, for his cunning; But you, Monsieur, or else my time I'm wasting, Are goose enough-and only wanted basting.' YORKSHIRE ANGLING.* It happen'd once that a young Yorkshire clown, Who was as sharp, as sharp may be; After wand'ring far and wide, And seeing all the streets and squares, In This piece should be spoken in a lively, humoursome manner. the Narrative part, the Clown's " gaping round," and " grinning," should be imitated, and the broad rustic dialect of the Yorkshireman, should be made to contrast with the pert, flippant tone of the Fishmonger. In general, where there are two or more characters, the speaker should slightly vary his position in representing them; he might turn a little towards the right in giving one, and front, or turn a little towards the left in giving the other. H For coat of country cut and red-hair'd pate, He saw the busy scene with mute surprise, At the loud clamour and the monstrous fish, Close by him was a turbot on a stall, Who with stretch'd mouth as if to pant for breath, Seem'd in the agonies of death: Said Andrew, "Pray what name d'ye that fish call ?” "A turbot 'tis," said the sarcastic elf, "A flat you see so something like yourself." D'ye think," said Andrew, "that he'll bite?" Why," said the fellow, with a roguish grin, 66 "His mouth is open, put your finger in, And then you'll know."" Why," replied the wight, "I should not like to try, but there's my Tyke Shall put his tail there an' ye like,” 66 'Agreed," rejoin'd the man, and laugh'd delight. Within the turbot's teeth was plac'd the tail, The dog no sooner felt the bite Than off he ran, the fish still holding tight; Tyke safely got to Master Andrew's lodgings; Then laughing at the man he went away, |