6 May 23.-Was favoured in prayer. Was applied to by the select-men to deliver an oration on the 4th of July. Refused at first; but being persuaded to consider of it, pride and vanity prevailed, and I foolishly complied. Mem. Never to consider, when I have a presentiment at first what I ought to do.

May 26.-Found much of the divine presence in duties this morning. I spoke with some freedom to the boys. Determined to set this day apart as a day of fasting and prayer, to humble myself for that sin for which I now suffer, [complying with the above request.] Was very dull and lifeless during the first part of the time. Afterwards was enabled to trust the affair wholly in the hands of God, without any care or anxiety respecting it. Was favoured with a sense of pardon and love.

June 1, Sabbath.-Sacrament. Enjoyed much of the divine presence and assistance in prayer and meditation. Have never had a more profitable morning. Found my Saviour in his ordinances. Hope I have found this a good day. Seemed to feel more property in Christ and his benefits than I have ever done before. After meeting, was filled with the blessed consolations of the Spirit. Oh, how refreshing are those foretastes of heaven! How ravishing the presence of Jesus! Felt a full assurance of my interest in the blessings purchased by Christ. No doubts obscured the sunshine of my mind. God be praised.

June 9.-Resolved to spend all the time before six in religious exercises. Enjoyed some comfort in prayer.

'June 15.-Sabbath. Never felt such strong and lively faith in prayer, as this morning. It seemed as if I had nothing to do, but to take whatever I pleased. June 17.-Was much harassed with wandering thoughts in morning prayer. Was much assisted in

my studies.

'June 28.-Felt myself exceedingly vile.

Found

no comfort in the exercises of public worship. My

E

oration is a snare to me. Oh! what an astonishing, bewitching power, a thirst for applause has over my mind! I know that it is of no consequence what mankind think of me, and yet I am continually seeking their approbation.

'June 29.-Sabbath. Rose early, and was favoured with the presence and assistance of the blessed Spirit in prayer. Oh! how sweet and refreshing it is to pour out our souls before God! Oh! the wonderful and unmerited goodness of God in keeping me from openly disgracing my profession. If he had left me one moment to myself, I had been ruined. Next Sabbath is the sacrament. God grant that it may be a refreshing season to me, and to many others.

July 2.-Still harassed and perplexed about my oration. Could not have believed that the desire of applause had gained such power over me...

6

July 4.-Was enabled to ask for assistance to perform the services of the day. In the evening felt in a most sweet, humble, thankful frame. How shall I praise the Lord for all his goodness!

6

July 5.-Felt much of the same temper I experienced yesterday. In the evening was favoured with much of the divine presence and blessing in prayer.

July 6.-Sabbath. My infinitely gracious God is still present, to make his goodness pass before me. He has been with me this morning in prayer, and enabled me sweetly to say, My Father, My God. At the sacrament he favoured me with some tokens of his presence. O that I could find words to express half his goodness, or my own vileness. I hope my faith received some increase. But what I desire to praise my God for, is his wonderful goodness in assisting me against pride.

July 7.-Still favoured with the smiles of my blessed Lord. Surely his loving kindness is better than life. How condescendingly kind! I hope he is teaching me the value of worldly applause, and

how incompetent it is to afford happiness. I have had enough to satisfy me, if there were any satisfaction in it. But happiness is to be found in God alone. 'July 18.-Very little comfort in prayer. Have

fallen into a sad lifeless state the week past. Hope it will convince me, more strongly than ever, of my weakness and vileness. Sat up till two o'clock in the morning talking with Mr. on religious topics. Found he had more to say in defence of Unitarianism than I could have supposed.

6

'July 23.—I am entirely stupid. Am sensible of my situation, and mourn over it, but cannot escape. July 24.-No life at all. O that it were with me as in months past! In the evening was favoured with more of the divine presence than I have enjoyed this fortnight.

' July 25.-Spent the day, according to previous resolution, in fasting and prayer. Was favoured with much of the divine presence and blessing, so that it was a comfortable and profitable day to me. Called to mind the events of my past life, the mercies I have received, and the ill returns I have made for them. Felt a deep sense of my own unworthiness, and the unmerited goodness of God.

July 27.-Was alarmed with respect to my state, by reading Edwards on the Affections; but obtained comfort and assurance by prayer.

Aug. 2.-Was much engaged in prayer, and thought I was humbled under a sense of sin. Was enabled to plead with some earnestness for spiritual blessings. But afterwards, reading an account of the conversion of some persons, I was led to doubt whether I had ever myself known conversion; and was much distressed.

Aug. 3.-Was again disturbed with apprehensions that I knew nothing of religion; but though I could not come to Christ, as one of his members, I threw myself down before him, as a sinner, who needed his mediation, and my doubts vanished.

6 Aug. 4.-Rose with the impression that all I had formerly experienced was a delusion, and that I was still an enemy to God. Was enabled to go to Jesus, and plead earnestly for mercy, not for my own sake, but for his. I seemed determined, if I must perish, to perish at his feet; but perhaps I was deceived. However, my hopes began to revive. In the evening foolishly went into company, and had no time for prayer.

Aug. 10.-Felt extremely vile and sinful, humbled with distressing doubts concerning my situation. Have no humility, no love to God or holiness; am bound to the world; am wasteful of my time; and live a useless being to society. Three and twenty years of my short life lost, and worse than lost.

Aug. 11.-Determined, by divine grace, to be more diligent and circumspect in my conduct. Had company in the evening, and little time for devotional exercises.

Aug. 16.-Seemed to be something more alive to divine things this morning. Found some sweetness in prayer and reading the scriptures. In the evening was much assisted in preparation for the sacrament.

CHAPTER IV.

Retires to Rindge, and devotes himself exclusively to his preparation for the ministry.

6

IN the month of August, 1806, Mr. Payson relinquished his charge of the Academy in Portland; and ' after settling his business, went on board a packet for Boston,' in which he remained several days, 'tossed about by contrary winds, and wounded by the oaths and blasphemies of the wretches on board.' He has described a set' of his fellow passengers by two words, indicative of all that is revolting to modesty and pious feeling, and suited to vex the righteous soul;' the bare mention of which would cause others to join him in the exclamation-' How dreadful to spend an eternity among such wretches!' On the fifth day from his embarkation, the vessel ' arrived at Boston in a violent gale of wind, attended with some danger.' He tarried in the neighbourhood till after commencement, and, notwithstanding the ' noise and confusion, found more pleasure than he had expected, in meeting his classmates.' On his way from Cambridge to Rindge, he rode as far as Groton; but, whether the stage rested there over night, or took a different route, and his desire to tread again the threshold of his beloved home alone urged him forward,-so it was, that he left the stage, and walked home from Groton after six' in the evening, and was at his journey's end 'about four the