HENRIETTA, aged four years, was forbidden to go off the lawn. One morning her mother found her daughter standing in the gateway with one foot on the sidewalk and the other foot within the gate.

"Henrietta," said the surprised parent, "have you forgotten that you are not allowed out in the street?"

"Well, Satan kept saying, 'Go on the street,' and God said, 'Don't go on the street,' so I put one foot out and kept the other foot in; and now they can just fight it out between them."

An Extraordinary Theft

ADVANCE agents of musical shows are

usually careful to ascertain the peculiarities, the merits, and demerits of the theaters and halls they are to exhibit in, for the benefit of the performers when they arrive. One of these agents, having hired a hall in a Kentucky town, asked the proprietor of the building:

"How are the acoustics of your hall?" "The which?" said the Kentuckian.

"The acoustics."

"Well, I'll tell you," said the proprietor, looking a little puzzled. "Thar was a minstrel comp'ny 'long here 'bout two weeks ago that stole 'bout everything they could lay their hands on, so mebbe they're missin'."

No Booster

THE motorist was on unfamiliar ground,

and directly before him was a fork in the road with no signpost to tell him which way to go.

"Which way to Stumpville?" he asked of a dejected-looking man who roosted on a fence near at hand.

The native languidly waved his hand toward the left.

"Thanks," said the motorist. "How far is it?"

""Tain't so very far," was the drawling reply. "When you get there, you'll wish it was a durn sight farther."

A True Economist

HE was an ingenious and ingenuous small

boy. "Mother," he said on one occasion, "will you wash my face?" "Why, Hugh, can't you do that?" "Yes, mother, I can, but I'll have to wet my hands, and they don't need it."

An Amended Alphabet

mother.

an hour for the same deed of mischief, was threatened with a whipping if she repeated

"A," said Johnny.
"B," said his mother.

"B," repeated Johnny, disinterestedly. And so the letters came and went while

chance, but mother was as good as her promise and led the little truant to the nursery. As the slipper was about to descend, Sarah, with a saintly face, looked at her mother and in a very solemn voice said:

"God be merciful to

me a sinner."

Somnambulism

LITTLE Bobby,

aged four, was allowed to attend the christening ceremony of his baby brother. Bobby was entranced by the novelty of the occasion, and followed events with absorbed interest. But when the parson closed his eyes to pray Bobby's feelings became too much for him. Grasping his mother's hand, he exclaimed, loudly enough for all to hear, "Mother, why is that man

talkin' in his sleep!"

An Undisputed Authority

SOME tourists who

were being driven through the Yosemite Valley asked the driver if he knew how old the big trees were.

"Sure I know," he answered.

"How old are they, then?"

"Three thousand and six years, goin' on three thousand and seven."

"How do you know the number so exactly?" "Well, there was a smart young woman out here from Boston, and she said they was three thousand years old, and as that was a little over six years ago, they must be goin' on three thousand and seven now."

A Natural Preference

IT seemed a curious question to little Harry when his uncle asked:

"What part of the chicken do you prefer, my little man?"

"I like the meat," said Harry, as he passed his plate timidly.

Had proved the Brand

A BRIDE recently went into a provision

shop and said to the proprietor:

"I bought three or four hams here a month ago and they were fine. Have you any more of them?"

"Yes, madam," said the owner, "there are ten of those hams hanging up there now." "Well, if you are sure they're off the same pig, I'll take three of them," said the young

woman.

The Voice of Sincerity

CHILDREN are said to be good, although

unconscious, judges of human nature. "Come here, my little darling," said the book agent to a little girl in Philadelphia. She had a face which belied her words, but she was trying to cultivate the little daugh

ter of the lady of the house who had not yet come downstairs. "I do so love children!" she added, in a clear tone, as she heard footsteps on the stairs. "But you seem to like the kitty better than me. Why are you so fond of her?"

"Because she purrs as if she meant it," said the child, calmly.

A Natural Dilemma

MANY poor correspondents would like to

make the excuse given by a lad who was spending his first year at a boarding school.

The first letter, anxiously awaited by his parents, was not received for more than a week, and then it was short and to the point.

DEAR PEOPLE-I don't believe I shall be able to send you many letters while I'm here. You see when things are happening I haven't time to write, and when they aren't happening I haven't anything to write. With love to all.

HARRY.