This paper is a sort of bill of complaint, begun many years since, and drawn up by snatches, as the several occasions offered. I had no thoughts of publishing it, till it pleased some persons1 of rank and fortune [the authors of "Verses to the imitator of Horace," and of an "Epistle to a doctor of divinity from a nobleman at Hampton Court"] to attack, in a very extraordinary manner, not only my writings (of which, being public, the public is judge), but my person, morals, and family; whereof, to those who know me not, a truer information may be requisite. Being divided between the necessity to say something of myself, and my own laziness to undertake so awkward a task, I thought it the shortest way to put the last hand to this epistle. If it have any thing pleasing, it will be that by which I am most desirous to please, the truth and the sentiment; and if any thing offensive, it will be only to those I am least sorry to offend, the vicious or the ungenerous. Many will know their own pictures in it, there being not a circumstance but what is true; but I have, for the most part, spared their names, and they may escape being laughed at if they please. I would have some of them know it was owing to the request of the learned and candid friend to whom it is inscribed 1 See Memoir prefixed to these volumes, p. xcii. VOL. III. 1 that I make not as free use of theirs as they have done of mine. However, I shall have this advantage and honour on my side, that whereas, by their proceeding, any abuse may be directed at any man, no injury can possibly be done by mine, since a nameless character can never be found out but by its truth and likeness. P. "SHUT, shut the door, good John !"2 fatigued, "Tie up the knocker, say I'm sick, I'm dead." Fire in each eye, and papers in each hand, They pierce my thickets, through my grot they glide, By land, by water, they renew the charge, They stop the chariot, and they board the barge. Is there a parson much bemus'd in beer, A clerk foredoom'd his father's soul to cross, 2 John Searl, Pope's faithful servant. All fly to Twit'nam, and in humble strain Friend to my life, (which did not you prolong, With honest anguish and an aching head, "The piece, you think, is incorrect? why, take it, I'm all submission: what you'd have it—make it.”: Three things another's modest wishes bound, "My friendship, and a prologue, and ten pound." 8 Arthur Moore, Esq. grace, Pitholeon sends to me: "You know his I want a patron; ask him for a place." Pitholeon libell'd me-" But here's a letter Informs you, Sir, 'twas when he knew no better. Dare you refuse him? Curll invites to dine, He'll write a journal, or he'll turn divine." Bless me! a packet.-'Tis a stranger sues, A virgin tragedy, an orphan Muse." If I dislike it, "Furies, death, and rage If I approve," Commend it to the stage." There (thank my stars) my whole commission ends, The players and I are, luckily, no friends. Fir'd that the house rejects him, "'Sdeath, I'll print it, And shame the fools-your interest, Sir, with Lintot." Lintot, dull rogue, will think your price too much : "Not, Sir, if you revise it, and retouch." All my demurs but double his attacks; At last he whispers, "Do, and we go snacks." His very minister who spied them first 4 The London Journal. 6 An allusion to Sir Robert Walpole and Queen Caroline. A. Good friend, forbear! you deal in dangerous things; I'd never name queens, ministers, or kings; That secret to each fool, that he's an ass: I. You think this cruel? take it for a rule, No creature smarts so little as a fool. Let peals of laughter, Codrus, round thee break, Thou unconcern'd canst hear the mighty crack: Pit, box, and gallery in convulsions hurl❜d, Thou stand'st unshook amidst a bursting world. Who shames a scribbler? break one cobweb thro', He spins the slight self-pleasing thread anew: Destroy his fib, or sophistry, in vain; The creature's at his dirty work again, Thron'd in the centre of his thin designs, Proud of a vast extent of flimsy lines! Whom have I hurt? has poet yet or peer Lost the arch'd eyebrow or Parnassian sneer? And has not Colley still his lord and whore? His butchers Henley? his freemasons Moore?" 6 Orator Henley declaimed among the butchers in Newport Market and Butcher's Row. 7 He used frequently to head the processions of the Free masons. |