"In the barrel," anfwers Betty, "that you took fo much care on. "The devil fetch you and the bar"rel both," fays John. "I won't be "devil-fetch'd, nor barrelled neither, "by you, nor any mafter in Eng"land," replies Betty; and down fhe came to face him. John who, on any hafty word before, always looked on Betty's anfwer as a signal for an engagement he was no way qualified to cut any figure in, therefore prudently declined a rejoinder, and fo the matter ended; but the fmart of his broken head, which he now began to feel, joined to his uncured fhins, and, above all, the lofs of his ham, made the man rather defperate; (John loved smok'd ham); he, therefore, ventured on what he had never done before, I mean a rejoinder, which brought

brought on a regular engagement, the confequence of which was, that John was routed horfe, foot, and dragoons, and he and his ham-bone obliged to mount up ftairs almost as nimbly as if the rats had been at his heels.

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CHAP. XII.

A fmall interruption.

gen

HE devil fetch this fellow, fays a grave-looking tleman, (who I take to be a prefbyterian parfon) here have I loft my time in perufing three volumes and a half, and, except one ftory, (and that vilely told) of a poor brokenhearted young woman, the duce of

any

any thing is there in his books, but cocks and hens, and f-s, and hobby horses, and clifter-pipes, and broken guitars, with patent corkfcrews, ham-bones, and an army of rats; a pretty collection of subjects truly, to carry a reader through

four volumes! Had the author the fpirit of a Rabelais, or the fire of a Triftram, he might go through four and forty volumes, without a grain of connection, and people would follow him; but, with fuch a head as his, it won't do, unlefs he will let us have a good long story well worked up, of fome pretty innocent virgin, that, at laft, in fpite of all her prayers, tears, and intreaties, gets fairly ravished; there he may eafily keep up the reader's attention, and make the poor thing

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full

full amends, by her ravisher's liking her fo well, as to marry her.

Why, you fanctified, goatified rogue, and fo you would fink all the distress, that the tender young creature must be in, to enjoy, in idea, the vigour and luft that must actuate the ravisher at that critical moment! O black, black, what doft thou cover!

But, doctor, (I call every man in black, doctor, that ftrokes his chin with his fingers and thumb, before he fpeaks) how came you to introduce the devil, the very fecond word you spoke; let me advise you, never to mention him again, but when you are in the pulpit ;-there he gains you great respect, because you can kick him about as you please; you

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can

can either bind him in chains, or fend him roaring up and down the world, to the great terror and dismay of the peaceable half of his majefty's liege fubjects; I fay the peaceable half, for the other half, I fear, neither mind the devil nor you.

But doctor? you feem to think none of my subjects would do for a text for you to fpin a fermon out of. -How can I help that, my dear doctor; though I can find texts, I can't find brains for every reader :-I am no dealer in calves heads; and, if I was, I have not gotten the art of tranfufing the brains from one calf's fcull into another; therefore, doctor, if you can't find brains for yourself, e'en make a shift, as you have done all along, without them.

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