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difcovery, in a front advertisement, in the Morning Chronicle, which paper I always read, I always read, as it is inferior to none in matter, and fo far fuperior in good print, that it faves me the expence of spectacles.

CHAP. VIII.

Prelude to fome light tragical reading.

THIS

HIS inftrument of inftruments, with feveral other pretty inventions the world is obliged to John for; yet, amidst all thefe qualifications, and fundry more that John poffeffes, I am forry to fay it, but he is accufed of having a hard heart towards his fellow creatures, and is more than fufpected of laying a scheme

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of the most horrible piece of barbarity that ever entered into the heart of man, woman, or child.

Now will I, my learned friend, Mr. Circulating Librarian, indulge you with a chapter of true tragical light reading, to please your taste; for John's was a fcheme not only to destroy, but to make his fellow creatures, eat each other: the dreadful thought has affected my nerves fo much already, that I am obliged to lay out a penny for a dram, to prevent me from wafting two pennyworth of ink, by fhaking it out of my pen, and destroying my paper with unmeaning blots.

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I

CHA P. IX,

Tragical

Have been fmacking,

and

fmacking, and fmacking this half hour, and can't get the fmack of this confounded geneva out of my mouth; I never tafted fuch abominable stuff in my life: ftinking malt fpirits with fufty juniper-berries; and yet the rogue will face me out, that he buys it of a worthy magiftrate in the city, and pays the best price for it. But I don't mind what fuch rogues as as he fay; for, if a worthy magiftrate's character could be fullied by what pot-house fellows prate, you would hardly find one honest man on the bench;

bench; but, if there was one, and he happened to fall, he might lay till doomsday, for want of another to take him up.

I wish I had my penny again, with all my heart, and the dram was in the fellow's bottle or belly, or any where, but where it is. Milton talks of darkness vifible, but the very fumes of this geneva have a visible ftink; if an alderman can do fuch things as fell fuch ftuff, farewell allbut I won't believe it; fo the rascal fwear himself blind, if he pleases; he shall have no more of my custom, I'll promise him; I wonder the dog had not the impudence to fay, he bought it of a member of parliament? and then he would have clenched

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Is there no police in this country? are his majefty's subjects to be poifoned without any redrefs? if the house won't take it into confideration, do you, my wife-looking friends at Hickes's-hall look about you, and grant your licences with a fparing hand; examine well the looks of every fellow that applies, and report him to your chairman, if he happens to be blind, or let him hear the rogue fpeak, and he'll fee him better than you all together.

But I had well nigh loft both John and his tragical ftory. You fee, reader, the bad effects of drinking to excefs; had I been content with a halfpenny-worth, inftead of a whole penny-worth, I should have been plagued with only half the ftink and half the heart-burn; but, nemo morta

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