Chloe is prudent-Would you too be wise? THE SAME FOR EVER! and described by all If QUEENSBERRY to strip there's no compelling, "Tis from a handmaid we must take a Helen. From peer or bishop 'tis no easy thing To draw the man who loves his God, or king: In men, we various ruling passions find 3; Men, some to business, some to pleasure take; But every woman is at heart a rake: Men, some to quiet, some to public strife; But every lady would be queen for life. Yet mark the fate of a whole sex of queens"! Power all their end, but beauty all the means: In youth they conquer, with so wild a rage, As leaves them scarce a subject in their age: For foreign glory, foreign joy, they roam; No thought of peace or happiness at home. But wisdom's triumph, is well-timed retreat, As hard a science to the fair as great! Beauties, like tyrants, old and friendless grown, Yet hate repose, and dread to be alone, Worn out in public, weary every eye, Nor leave one sigh behind them when they die. 1 Mah'met, servant to the late king, said to be the son of a Turkish bassa, whom he took at the siege of Buda, and constantly kept about his person. 2 In the former editions, between this and the foregoing lines, a want of connexion might be perceived, occasioned by the omission of certain examples and illustrations to the maxims laid down; and though some of these have since been found, viz. the characters of Philomedé, Atossa, Chloe, and some verses following, others are still wanting, nor can we answer that these are exactly inserted. 3 The former part having shown, that the particular characters of women are more various than those of men, it is nevertheless observed, that the general characteristic of the sex, as to the ruling passion, is more uniform. 4 This is occasioned partly by their nature, partly by their education, and in some degree by necessity. 5 What are the aims and the fate of this sex.-I. As to power. Pleasures the sex, as children birds, pursue, Still out of reach, yet never out of view; Sure, if they catch, to spoil the toy at most, To covet flying, and regret when lost : At last, to follies youth could scarce defend, It grows their age's prudence to pretend; Ashamed to own they gave delight before, Reduced to feign it, when they give no more: As hags hold sabbaths less for joy than spite, So these their merry, miserable night: Still round and round the ghosts of beauty glide, And haunt the places where their honour died. See how the world its veterans rewards! A youth of frolics, an old age of cards; Fair to no purpose, artful to no end, Young without lovers, old without a friend ; A fop their passion, but their prize a sot, Alive, ridiculous; and dead, forgot! Ah! friend! to dazzle let the vain design'; To raise the thought, and touch the heart, be thine! That charm shall grow, while what fatigues the ring, Flaunts and goes down, an unregarded thing: Oh! blest with temper, whose unclouded ray And yet, believe me, good as well as ill, Woman's at best a contradiction still. Heaven, when it strives to polish all it can. Its last best work, but forms a softer man; Picks from each sex, to make the favourite blest, Your love of pleasure, our desire of rest: Blends, in exception to all general rules, Your taste of follies, with our scorn of fools: Reserve with frankness, art with truth allied, Courage with softness, modesty with pride; Fix'd principles, with fancy ever new; Shakes all together, and produces you. Be this a woman's fame: with this unblest, Toasts live a scorn, and queens may die a jest. This Phoebus promised (I forget the year) When those blue eyes first open'd on the sphere; Ascendant Phoebus watch'd that hour with care, Averted half your parents' simple prayer; And gave you beauty, but denied the pelf That buys your sex a tyrant o'er itself. The generous god, who wit and gold refines, And ripens spirits as he ripens mines, Kept dross for duchesses, the world shall know it, To you gave sense, good-humour, and a poet. 6 II. As to pleasure. 7 Advice for their true interest. EPISTLE III'. TO ALLEN LORD BATHURST. ARGUMENT. OF THE USE OF RICHES. That it is known to few, most falling into one of the extremes, avarice or profusion. The point discussed whether the invention of money has been more commodious or pernicions to mankind. That riches, either to the avaricious or the prodigal, cannot afford happiness, scarcely necessaries. That avarice is an absolute frenzy, without an end or purpose. Conjectures about the motives of avaricious men. That the conduct of men, with respect to riches, can only be accounted for by the ORDER OF PROVIDENCE, which works the general good out of extremes, and brings all to its great end by perpetual revolutions. How a miser acts upon principles which appear to him reasonable. How a prodigal does the same. The due medium and true use of riches. The Man of Ross. The fate of the profuse and the covetous, in two examples; both miserable in life and in death. The story of Sir Balaam. P. WHO shall decide, when doctors disagree, Like doctors thus, when much dispute has past, No grace of Heaven, or token of the elect; Given to the fool, the mad, the vain, the evil, To Ward, to Waters, Chartres2, and the Devil. 1 This epistle was written after a violent outcry against our author, on suspicion that he had ridiculed a worthy nobleman merely for his wrong taste. He justified himself upon that article in a letter to the Earl of Burlington; at the end of which are these words: "I have learnt that there are some who would rather be wicked than ridiculous; and therefore it may be safer to attack vices than follies. I will therefore leave my betters in the quiet possession of their idols, their groves, and their high places, and change my subject from their pride to their meanness, from their vanities to their miseries; and as the only certain way to avoid misconstructions, to lessen offence, and not to multiply ill-natured applications, I may probably, in my next, make use of real names instead of fictitious ones" John Ward, of Hackney, Esq., Member of Parliament, being prosecuted by the Duchess of Buckingham, and convicted of forgery, was first expelled the House, and then stood on the pillory on the 17th of March, 1727. He was suspected of joining in a conveyance with Sir John Blunt, to secrete fifty thousand pounds of that Director's estate, forfeited to the South Sea Company by act of parliament. The Company recovered the fifty thousand pounds against Ward; but he set up prior conveyances of his real estate to his brother and son, and conccaled all his personal, which was computed to be one hundred and fifty thousand pounds. These conveyances being also set aside by a bill B. What nature wants, commodious gold bestows, "Tis thus we eat the bread another sows. in Chancery, Ward was imprisoned, and hazarded the forfeiture of his life by not giving in his effects till the last day, which was that of his examination. During his confinement, his amusement was to give poison to dogs and cats, and see them expire by slower or quicker torments. To sum up the worth of this gentleman, at the several eras of his life :-at his standing in the pillory, he was worth above two hundred thousand pounds; at his commitment to prison, he was worth one hundred and fifty thousand; but has been since so far diminished in his reputation, as to be thought a worse man by fifty or sixty thousand. Fr. Chartres, a man infamous for all manner of vices. When he was an ensign in the army, he was drummed out of the regiment for a cheat; he was next banished Brussels, and drummed out of Ghent, on the same account. After a hundred tricks at the gaming-tables, he took to lending of money at exorbitant interest and on great penalties, accumulating premium, interest, and capital, into a new capital, and seizing to a minute when the payments became due; in a word, by a constant attention to the vices, wants, and follies of mankind, he acquired an immense fortune. His house was a perpetual bawdy-house. He was twice condemned for rapes, and pardoned; but the last time not without imprisonment in Newgate, and large confiscations. He died in Scotland in 1731, aged 62. The populace at his funeral raised a great riot, almost tore the body out of the coffin, and cast dead dogs, &c., into the grave along with it. The following epitaph contains his character, very justly drawn by Dr. Arbuthnot: HERE continueth to rot The body of FRANCIS CHARTRES, INIMITABLE UNIFORMITY of life, In spite of AGE and INFIRMITIES, His insatiable AVARICE exempted him from the first, in the undeviating pravity of his manners, in accumulating WEALTH: He was the only person of his time When possessed of TEN THOUSAND a year, Oh, indignant reader! Think not his life useless to mankind! PROVIDENCE Connived at his execrable designs, To give to after ages A conspicuous PROOF and EXAMPLE, Of how small estimation is EXORBITANT WEALTII In the sight of God, By his bestowing it on the most UNWORTHY OF ALL MORTALS. This gentleman was worth seven thousand pounds a year estate in land, and about one hundred thousand in money. Mr. Waters, the third of these worthies, was a man no P. But how unequal it bestows, observe, B. Trade it may help, society extend. P. But lures the pirate, and corrupts the friend. B. It raises armies in a nation's aid. P. But bribes a senate, and the land's betray'd. In vain may heroes fight, and patriots rave; If secret gold sap on from knave to knave. Once, we confess, beneath the patriot's cloak1, From the crack'd bag the dropping guinea spoke, And jingling down the back-stairs, told the crew, "Old Cato is as great a rogue as you." Blest paper-credit! last and best supply! That lends corruption lighter wings to fly! Gold imp'd by thee, can compass hardest things, Can pocket states, can fetch or carry kings 2; A single leaf shall waft an army o'er, Or ship off senates to a distant shore 3; A leaf, like Sibyl's, scatter to and fro Our fates and fortunes, as the winds shall blow: Pregnant with thousands flits the scrap unseen, And silent sells a king, or buys a queen. Oh! that such bulky bribes as all might see, Still, as of old, encumber'd villany! Could France or Rome divert our brave designs, With all their brandies or with all their wines? What could they more than knights and squires confound, Or water all the quorum ten miles round? A statesman's slumbers how this speech would spoil! "Sir, Spain has sent a thousand jars of oil; Huge bales of British cloth blockade the door; A hundred oxen at your levee roar.” Poor avarice one torment more would find; Nor could profusion squander all in kind. Astride his cheese Sir Morgan might we meet; And Worldly crying coals from street to street', Whom with a wig so wild, and mien so mazed, Pity mistakes for some poor tradesman crazed. way resembling the former in his military, but extremely so in his civil capacity; his great fortune having been raised by the like diligent attendance on the necessities of others. But this gentleman's history must be deferred till his death, when his worth may be known more certainly. This is a true story, which happened in the reign of William III. to an unsuspected old patriot, who coming out at the back-door from having been closeted by the king, where he had received a large bag of guineas, the bursting of the bag discovered his business there. In our author's time, many princes had been sent about the world, and great changes of kings projected in Europe. The partition treaty had disposed of Spain; France had set up a king for England, who was sent to Scotland, and back again; King Stanislaus was sent to Poland, and back again; the Duke of Anjou was sent to Spain, and Don Carlos to Italy. 3 Alludes to several ministers, counsellors, and patriots, banished in our times to Siberia, and to that MORE GLORIOUS FATE of the PARLIAMENT of PARIS, banished to Pontoise in the year 1720. 4 Some misers of great wealth, proprietors of the coalmines, had entered at this time into an association to keep up coals to an extravagant price, whereby the poor were reduced almost to starve; till one of them, taking the advantage of underselling the rest, defeated the design. One of these misers was worth ten thousand, another seven thousand a year. Had Colepepper's whole wealth been hops and hogs, Could he himself have sent it to the dogs? Is this too little? would you more than live? 5 Sir William Colepepper, Bart. a person of an ancient family and ample fortune, without one other quality of a gentleman, who, after ruining himself at the gamingtable, passed the rest of his days in sitting there to see the ruin of others; preferring to subsist upon borrowing and begging, rather than to enter into any reputable method of life, and refusing a post in the army, which was offered him. 6 One who, being possessed of three hundred thousand pounds, laid down his coach, because interest was reduced from five to four per cent. and then put seventy thousand into the charitable corporation for better interest; which sum having lost, he took it so much to heart, that he kept his chamber ever after. It is thought he would not have outlived it, but that he was heir to another considerable estate, which he daily expected, and that by this course of life he saved both clothes and all other expenses. 7 A nobleman of great qualities, but as unfortunate in the application of them, as if they had been vices and follies. See his character in the first epistle. 8 A citizen, whose rapacity obtained him the name of Vulture Hopkins. He lived worthless, but died worth three hundred thousand pounds, which he would give to no person living, but left it so as not to be inherited till after the second generation. His counsel representing to him how many years it must be before this could take effect, and that his money could only lie at interest all that time, he expressed great joy thereat, and said, "They would then be as long in spending, as he had been in getting it." But the chancery afterwards set aside the will and gave it to the heir at law. Japhet Crook, alias Sir Peter Stranger, was punished with the loss of those parts, for having forged a conveyance of an estate to himself, upon which he took up several thou sand pounds. He was at the same time sued in chancery for having fraudulently obtained a will, by which he possessed another considerable estate, in wrong of the brother of the deceased. By these means he was worth a great sum, which (in reward for the small loss of his ears) he enjoyed in prison till his death, and quietly left to his executor. But thousands die, without or this or that, To some, indeed, Heaven grants the happier fate, Perhaps you think the poor might have their Bond damns the poor 2, and hates them from his The grave Sir Gilbert holds it for a rule Some revelation hid from you and me. Wise Peters sees the world's respect for gold, A famous Duchess of R. in her last will left contiderable legacies and annuities to her cats. ? This epistle was written in the year 1730, when a corporation was established to lend money to the poor upon pledges, by the name of the Charitable Corporation; but the whole was turned only to an iniquitous method of enriching particular people, to the ruin of such numbers, that it became a parliamentary concern to endeavour the relief of those unhappy sufferers; and three of the managers, who were members of the House, were expelled. By the report of the Committee appointed to inquire into that iniquitous affair, it appears, that when it was objected to the intended removal of the office, that the poor, for whose use it was erected, would be hurt by it, Bond, one of the directors, replied, Damn the poor! That "God hates the poor," and, "that every man in want is either knave or fool," &c, were the genuine apophthegms of some of the persons here mentioned. In the extravagance and luxury of the South-Sea year, the price of a haunch of venison was from three to five pounds. Many people, about the year 1733, had a conceit that such a thing was intended, of which it is not improbable this lady might have some intimation. Peter Walter, a person not only eminent in the wisdom of his profession, as a dexterous attorney, but allowed to be a good, if not a safe, conveyancer; extremely respected by the nobility of this land, though free from all manner of luxury and ostentation: his wealth was never seen, and his bounty never heard of, except to his own son, for whom he procured an employment of considerable profit, of which he gave him as much as was necessary. Therefore the taxing this gentleman with any ambition, is certainly a great wrong to him. * A Roman lawyer, so rich as to purchase the empire when it was set to sale upon the death of Pertinax. But nobler scenes Maria's dreams unfold, Much injured Blunt! why bears he Britain's A wizard told him in these words our fate: 'Twas no court-badge, great scrivener fired thy The ruling passion conquers reason still." And different men directs to different ends. 7 The two persons here mentioned were of quality, each of whom in the Mississippi despised to realise above three hundred thousand pounds; the gentleman with a view to the purchase of the crown of Poland, the lady on a vision of the like royal nature. They since retired into Spain, where they are still in search of gold in the mines of the Asturias. Sir John Blunt, originally a scrivener, was one of the first projectors of the South-Sea company, and afterwards one of the directors and chief managers of the famous scheme in 1720. He was also one of those who suffered most severely by the bill of pains and penalties on the said directors. He was a dissenter of a most religious deportment, and professed to be a great believer. Whether he did really credit the prophecy here mentioned is not certain, but it was constantly in this very style he declaimed against the corruption and luxury of the age, the partiality of parliaments, and the misery of party-spirit. He was particularly eloquent against avarice in great and noble persons, of which he had indeed lived to see many miserable examples. He died in the year 1732, If Cotta lived on pulse, it was no more Not so his son, he mark'd this oversight, The sense to value riches, with the art With splendour, charity; with plenty, health; B. To worth or want well weigh'd be bounty And ease, or emulate, the care of Heaven; P. Who starves by nobles, or with nobles eats? The wretch that trusts them, and the rogue that cheats. Is there a lord, who knows a cheerful noon Who copies yours, or OXFORD's better part, But all our praises why should lords engross! B. Thrice happy man! enabled to pursue What all so wish, but want the power to do! Oh say, what sums that generous hand supply? What mines, to swell that boundless charity? P. Of debts, and taxes, wife and children clear, This man possess'd- -five hundred pounds a-year. Blush, grandeur, blush; proud courts, withdraw your blaze! Ye little stars! hide your diminish'd rays. B. And what? no monument, inscription, stone? His race, his form, his name almost unknown? P. Who builds a church to God, and not to Fame, Will never mark the marble with his name: Go, search it there, where to be born and die, Of rich and poor, makes all the history; Enough, that virtue fill'd the space between; Proved, by the ends of being, to have been. When Hopkins dies, a thousand lights attend The wretch, who living saved a candle's end: Shouldering God's altar a vile image stands, Belies his features, nay extends his hands; That live-long wig which Gorgon's self might own, Eternal buckle takes in Parian stone 3. Behold what blessings wealth to life can lend! And see, what comfort it affords our end. In the worst inn's worst room, with mat half-hung, The floors of plaster, and the walls of dung, 2 The person here celebrated, who with a small estate actually performed all these good works, and whose true name was almost lost (partly by the title of The Man of Ross, given him by way of eminence, and partly by being buried without so much as an inscription) was called Mr. John Kyrle. He died in the year 1724, aged 90, and lies interred in the chancel of the church of Ross in Herefordshire. 3 The poet ridicules the wretched taste of carving large periwigs on bustos, of which there are several vile examples in the tombs at Westminster, and elsewhere. |