so regular an economy, in its hours of de- I HAVE received a letter desiring me to votion and repast, employment and diver-be very satirical upon the little muff that sion, that it looks like a little commonwealth is now in fashion; another informs me of a within itself. They often go into company, pair of silver garters buckled below the that they may return with the greater de- knee, that have been lately seen at the light to one another; and sometimes live in Rainbow coffee-house in Fleet-street; a town, not to enjoy it so properly, as to grow third sends me a heavy complaint against weary of it, that they may renew in them- fringed gloves. To be brief, there is scarce selves the relish of a country life. By this an ‘ornament of either sex which one or means they are happy in each other, be- other of my correspondents has not inloved by their children, adored by their veighed against with some bitterness, and servants, and are become the envy, or recommended to my observation. I must, rather the delight of all that know them. therefore, once for all, inform my readers, that it is not my intention to sink the dignity of this my paper, with reflections upon red heels or top-knots, but rather to enter those depraved sentiments that give birth to all those little extravagancies which appear in their outward dress and behaviour. Foppish and fantastic ornaments are only indications of vice, not criminal in themselves. Extinguish vanity in the mind, and you naturally retrench the little superfluities of garniture and equipage. The blossoms will fall of themselves when the root that nourishes them is destroyed. How different to this is the life of Fulvia! She considers her husband as her steward, and looks upon discretion and good housewifery as little domestic virtues, unbecom-into, the passions of mankind, and to correct ing a woman of quality. She thinks life lost in her own family, and fancies herself out of the world, when she is not in the ring, the playhouse, or the drawing-room. She lives in a perpetual motion of body, and restlessness of thought, and is never easy in any one place, when she thinks there is more company in another. The missing of an opera the first night, would be more afflicting to her than the death of a child. She pities all the valuable part of her own sex, and calls every woman of a prudent, modest, and retired life, a poor-spirited, unpolished creature. What a mortification would it to be to Fulvia, if she knew that her setting herself to view is but exposing herself, and that she grows contemptible by being conspicuous? I shall, therefore, as I have said, apply my remedies to the first seeds and principles of an affected dress, without descending to the dress itself; though at the same time I must own that I have thought of creating an officer under me, to be entitled, The Censor of small Wares,' and of allotting him one day in the week for the I cannot conclude my paper without ob- execution of such his office. An operator serving, that Virgil has very finely touched of this nature might act under me, with the upon this female passion for dress and same regard as a surgeon to a physician; show, in the character of Camilla; who, the one might be employed in healing those though she seems to have shaken off all blotches and tumours which break out in the other weaknesses of her sex, is still de- the body, while the other is sweetening the scribed as a woman in this particular. The blood, and rectifying the constitution. To poet tells us that after having made a great speak truly, the young people of both sexes slaughter of the enemy, she unfortunately are so wonderfully apt to shoot out into long cast her eye on a Trojan who wore an em- swords or sweeping trains, bushy headbroidered tunic, a beautiful coat of mail, dresses or full-bottomed periwigs; with with a mantle of the finest purple. A several other incumbrances of dress, that golden bow,' says he, hung upon his shoul- they stand in need of being pruned very der; his garment was buckled with a golden frequently, lest they should be oppressed clasp, and his head covered with a helmet with ornaments, and over-run with the luxof the same shining metal.' The Amazon uriance of their habits. I am much in immediately singled out this well-dressed doubt whether I should give the preferwarrior, being seized with a woman's long-ence to a quaker that is trimmed close, and ing for the pretty trappings that he was adorned with: almost cut to the quick, or to a beau that is loaden with such a redundance of excrescences. I must therefore desire my correspondents to let me know how they approve my project, and whether they think the erecting of such a petty censorship may not turn to the emolument of the public, for I would not do any thing of this nature rashly and without advice. There is another set of correspondents to whom I must address myself in the second place; I mean such as fill their letters with private scandal, and black accounts of particular persons and families. The world is so full of ill nature, that I have lampoons sent me by people who cannot spell, and has heard of any uncommon virtue which he would desire to publish; in short, if he has any materials that can furnish out an innocent diversion, I shall promise him my best assistance in the working of them up for a public entertainment. This paper my reader will find was intended for an answer to a multitude of correspondents; but I hope he will pardon me if I single out one of them in particular, who has made me so very humble a request, that I cannot forbear complying with it. To the Spectator. 'SIR, satires composed by those who scarce know | prising story which he does not know how how to write. By the last post in particu- to tell, if he has discovered any epidemical lar, I received a packet of scandal which vice which has escaped my observation, or is not legible; and have a whole bundle of letters in women's hands, that are full of blots and calumnies, insomuch, that when I see the name Cælia, Phillis, Pastora, or the like, at the bottom of a scrawl, I conclude of course, that it brings me some account of a fallen virgin, a faithless wife, or an amorous widow. I must therefore inform these my correspondents, that it is not my design to be a publisher of intrigues and cuckoldoms, or to bring little infamous stories out of their present lurking-holes into broad day-light. If I attack the vicious, I shall only set upon them in a body; and will not be provoked by the worst usage I can receive from others, to make an example of any particular criminal. In short I have so much of a drawcansir in me, that I shall pass over a single foe to charge whole armies. It is not Lais nor. Silenus, but the harlot and the drunkard, whom I shall endeavour to expose; and shall consider the crime as it appears in the species, not as it is circumstanced in an individual I think it was Caligula, who wished the whole city of Rome had but one neck, that he might behead them at a blow. I shall do, out of humanity, what that emperor would have done in the cruelty of his temper, and aim every stroke at a collective body of offenders. At the same time I am very sensible that nothing spreads a paper like private calumny and defamation; but as my speculations are not under this necessity, they are not exposed to this temptation. March 15, 1710-11. 'I am at present so unfortunate as to have nothing to do but to mind my own business; and therefore beg of you that you will be pleased to put me into some small post under you. I observe that you have appointed your printer and publisher to receive letters and advertisements for the city of London, and shall think myself very much honoured by you, if you will appoint me to take in letters and advertisements for the city of Westminster and duchy of Lancaster. Though I cannot promise to fill such an employment with sufficient abilities, I will endeavour to make up with industry and fidelity what I want in parts and genius. 'I am, Sir, Your most obedient servant, C. Juv. Sat. x. 191. No. 17.] Tuesday, March 20, 1710-11. Dryden. In the next place I must apply myself to my party correspondents, who are continually teasing me to take notice of one another's proceedings. How often am I asked by both sides, if it is possible for me to be an unconcerned spectator of the rogueries that are committed by the party which is opposite to him that writes the letter. SINCE Our persons are not of our own About two days since, I was reproached making, when they are such as appear dewith an old Grecian law, that forbids any fective or uncomely, it is, methinks, an man to stand as a neuter, or a looker-on in honest and laudable fortitude to dare to be the divisions of his country. However, as ugly; at least to keep ourselves from being I am very sensible my paper would lose abashed with a consciousness of imperfecits whole effect, should it run out into the tions which we cannot help, and in which outrages of a party, I shall take care to there is no guilt. I would not defend a keep clear of every thing which looks that haggard beau, for passing away much time way. If I can any way assuage private in- at a glass, and giving softness and languishflammations, or allay public ferments, I ing graces to deformity: all I intend is, that shall apply myself to it with my utmost we ought to be contented with our counteendeavours: but will never let my heart nance and shape, so far as never to give reproach me with having done any thing ourselves an uneasy reflection on that subtowards increasing those feuds and animosi-ject. It is to the ordinary people, who are ties that extinguish religion, deface government, and make a nation miserable. What I have said under the three foregoing heads will, I am afraid, very much retrench the number of my correspondents. I shall therefore acquaint my reader, that if he has started any hint which he is not able to pursue, if he has met with any sur not accustomed to make very proper remarks on any occasion, matter of great jest, if a man enters with a prominent pair of shoulders into an assembly, or is distinguished by an expansion of mouth, or obliquity of aspect. It is happy for a man that has any of those oddnesses about him, if he can be as merry upon himself, as No. 17.] THE SPECTATOR. others are apt to be upon that occasion. When he can possess himself with such a cheerfulness, women and children, who are at first frighted at him, will afterwards be as much pleased with him. As it is barbarous in others to rally him for natural defects, it is extremely agreeable when he can jest upon himself for them. 41 There have arose in this university (long since you left us without saying any thing) several of these inferior hebdomadal societies, as the Punning club, the Witty club, and, amongst the rest, the Handsome club; as a burlesque upon which, a certain merry species, that seem to have come into the world in masquerade, for some years last past have associated themselves together, and assumed the name of the Ugly club. This ill-favoured fraternity consists of a president and twelve fellows; the choice of which is not confined by patent to any particular foundation, (as St. John's men would have the world believe, and have therefore erected a separate society within themselves,) but liberty is left to elect from any school in Great Britain, provided the candidates be within the rules of the club, as set forth in a table, entitled, "The Act of Deformity;' a clause or two of which I shall transmit to you. Madam Maintenon's first husband was a hero in this kind, and has drawn many pleasantries from the irregularity of his shape, which he describes as very much resembling the letter Z. He diverts himself likewise by representing to his reader the make of an engine and pully, with which he used to take off his hat. When there happens to be any thing ridiculous in a visage, and the owner of it thinks it an aspect of dignity, he must be of very great quality to be exempt from raillery. The best expedient therefore is to be pleasant upon himself. Prince Harry and Falstaff, in Shakspeare, have carried the ridicule upon fat and lean I. That no person whatsoever shall as far as it will go. Falstaff is humour- be admitted without a visible queerity in ously called woolsack, bedpresser and hill his aspect, or peculiar cast of countenance; of flesh; Harry, a starveling, an elves-skin, a of which the president and officers for the sheath, a bow-case, and a tuck. There is, in time being are to determine, and the preseveral incidents of the conversation be-sident to have the casting voice. tween them, the jest still kept up upon the II. That a singular regard be had upon person. Great tenderness and sensibility examination, to the gibbosity of the gentlein this point is one of the greatest weak- men that offer themselves as founders' nesses of self-love. For my own part, I kinsmen; or to the obliquity of their figure, am a little unhappy in the mould of my in what sort soever. face, which is not quite so long as it is III. That if the quantity of any man's broad. Whether this might not partly nose be eminently miscalculated, whether arise from my opening my mouth much as to the length or breadth, he shall have seldomer than other people, and by conse-a just pretence to be elected. quence not so much lengthening the fibres of my visage, I am not at leisure to determine. However it be, I have been often put out of countenance by the shortness of my face, and was formerly at great pains of concealing it by wearing a periwig with a high fore-top, and letting my beard grow. But now I have thoroughly got over this delicacy, and could be contented with a much shorter, provided it might qualify me for a member of the merry club, which the following letter gives me an account of. I have received it from Oxford, and as it abounds with the spirit of mirth and good humour, which is natural to that place, I shall set it down word for word as it came to me. 'MOST PROFOUND SIR, Having been very well entertained, in the last of your speculations that I have yet seen, by your specimen upon clubs, which I therefore hope you will continue, Í shall take the liberty to furnish you with a brief account of such a one as, perhaps, you have not seen in all your travels, unless it was your fortune to touch upon some of the woody parts of the African continent, in your voyage to or from Grand Cairo, *The celebrated Paul Scarron, author of the Roman Comique. Lastly, That if there shall be two or more competitors for the same vacancy, cæteris paribus, he that has the thickest skin to have the preference. Every fresh member, upon the first night, is to entertain the company with a dish of codfish, and a speech in praise of Æsop, whose portraiture they have in full proportion, or rather disproportion, over the chimney; and their design is, as soon as their funds are sufficient, to purchase the heads of Thersites, Duns Scotus, Scarron, Hudibras, and the old gentleman in Oldham, with all the celebrated ill faces of antiquity, as furniture for the club-room. 'As they have always been professed admirers of the other sex, so they unanimously declare that they will give all possible encouragement to such as will take the benefit of the statute, though none yet have appeared to do it. The worthy president who is their most devoted champion, has lately shown me two copies of verses, composed by a gentleman of this society; the first a congratulatory ode, inscribed to Mrs. Touchwood, upon the loss of her two fore-teeth; the other a panegyric upon Mrs. Andiron's left shoulder. Mrs. Vizard, (he says) since the small-pox, is grown tolerably ugly, and a top toast in the club; but I never heard him so lavish of his fine things, 'Barbara si t' intendo, &c. as upon old Nell Trot, who constantly offi- | make words of their own, which were enciates at their table; her he even adores tirely foreign to the meaning of the pasand extols as the very counterpart of mo- sages they pretended to translate; their chief ther Shipton; in short, Nell, (says he) is care being to make the numbers of the one of the extraordinary works of nature; English verse answer to those of the Itabut as for complexion, shape, and features, lian, that both of them might go to the so valued by others, they are all mere out- same tune. Thus the famous song in Ca side and symmetry, which is his aversion. milla: Give me leave to add, that the president is a facetious pleasant gentleman, and never more so, than when he has got (as he calls them) his dear mummers about him; and he often protests it does him good to meet a fellow with a right genuine grimace in his air (which is so agreeable in the generality of the French nation;) and, as an instance of his sincerity in this particular, he gave me a sight of a list in his pocket-book of all this class, who for these five years have fallen under his observation, with himself at the head of them, and in the rear (as one of a promising and improving aspect,) Sir, Your obliged and humble servant, 'ALEXANDER CARBUNCLE. 'Oxford, March 12, 1710.' did not understand. Arsinoe was the first opera that gave us a taste of Italian music. The great success this opera met with produced some attempts of forming pieces upon Italian plans, which should give a more natural and reasonable entertainment than what can be met with in the elaborate trifles of that nation. This alarmed the poetasters and fiddlers of the town, who were used to deal in a more ordinary kind of ware; and therefore laid down an established rule, which is received as such to this day, That nothing is capable of being well set to music, that is not nonsense.' This maxim was no sooner received, but we immediately fell to translating the Italian operas; and as there was no great danger of hurting the sense of these extraordinary pieces, our authors would often * Arsinoe, queen of Cyprus, an opera, after the Italian manner, by Thomas Clayton. It was first performed at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, in 1707. 'Barbarous woman, yes, I know your meaning;" which expresses the resentments of an angry lover, was translated into that English lamentation: 'Frail are a lover's hopes,' &c. And it was pleasant enough to see the most refined persons of the British nation dying away and languishing to notes that were filled with a spirit of rage and indignation. It happened also very frequently where the sense was rightly translated, the necessary transposition of words, which were drawn out of the phrase of one tongue into that of another, made the music appear very absurd in one tongue that was very natural in the other. I remember an Italian verse that ran thus, word for word: 'And turn'd my rage into pity;' which the English for rhyme sake translated, 'And into pity turn'd my rage;' By this means the soft notes that were adapted to pity in the Italian, fell upon the word rage in the English; and the angry ginal, were made to express pity in the sounds that were turned to rage in the oritranslation. It oftentimes happened, likewise, that the finest notes in the air fell upon the most insignificant words in the sentence. I have known the word And pursued through the whole gamut, have The, and have heard the most beautiful been entertained with many a melodious graces, quavers, and divisions, bestowed upon Then, For, and From; to the eternal honour of our English particles. The next step to our refinement was the introducing of Italian actors into our opera; who sung their parts in their own language, at the same time that our countrymen performed theirs in our native tongue. The king or hero of the play generally spoke in Italian, and his slaves answered him in English. The lover frequently made his in a language which she did not understand. court, and gained the heart of his princess, One would have thought it very difficult to have carried on dialogues after this manner without an interpreter between the perthe state of the English stage for about three sons that conversed together; but this was years. At length the audience grew tired of unto ease themselves entirely of the fatigue derstanding half the opera; and therefore of thinking, have so ordered it at present, opinion upon the subject of music; which I shall lay down only in a problematical manner, to be considered by those who are masters in the art. C. Di bene fecerunt, inopis me quodque pusilli that the whole opera is performed in an unknown tongue. We no longer understand the language of our own stage; insomuch that I have often been afraid, when I have seen our Italian performers chattering in the vehemence of action, that they have been calling us names, and abusing No. 19.] Thursday, March 22, 1710-11. us among themselves; but I hope, since we do put such an entire confidence in them, they will not talk against us before our faces, though they may do it with the same safety as if it were behind our backs. In the mean time, I cannot forbear thinking how naturally a historian who writes two or three hundred years hence, and does not know the taste of his wise forefathers, will make the following reflection: In the beginning of the eighteenth century, the Italian tongue was so well understood in England, that operas were acted on the public stage in that language.' One scarce knows how to be serious in the confutation of an absurdity that shows itself at the first sight. It does not want any great measure of sense to see the ridicule of this monstrous practice; but what makes it the more astonishing, it is not the taste of the rabble, but of persons of the greatest politeness, which has esta blished it. Some OBSERVING one person behold another, who was an utter stranger to him, with a cast of his eye which, methought, expressed an emotion of heart very different from what could be raised by an object so agreeable as the gentleman he looked at, I began to consider, not without some secret sorrow, the condition of an envious man. have fancied that envy has a certain magical force in it, and that the eyes of the envious have by their fascination blasted the enjoyments of the happy. Sir Francis Bacon says, some have been so curious as to remark the times and seasons when the stroke of an envious eye is most effectually pernicious, and have observed that it has been when the person envied has been in any circumstance of glory and triumph. At such a time the mind of the prosperous man goes, as it were, abroad, among things without him, and is more exposed to the malignity. But I shall not dwell upon speculations so abstracted as this, or repeat the many excellent things which one might collect out of authors upon this miserable affection; but, keeping the common road of life, consider the envious man with relation to these three heads, his pains, his reliefs, and his happiness. If the Italians have a genius for music above the English, the English have a genius for other performances of a much higher nature, and capable of giving the mind a much nobler entertainment. Would one think it was possible (at a time when an author lived that was able to write the Phædra and Hippolitus*) for a people to be so stupidly fond of the Italian opera, as scarce to give a third day's hearing to that admirable tragedy? Music is certainly a very agreeable entertainment: but if it would take the entire possession of our The envious man is in pain upon all ocears, if it would make us incapable of hear-casions which ought to give him pleasure. ing sense, if it would exclude arts that The relish of his life is inverted; and the have a much greater tendency to the re-objects which administer the highest satisfinement of human nature; I must confess I would allow it no better quarter than Plato has done, who banishes it out of his commonwealth. At present our notions of music are so very uncertain, that we do not know what it is we like; only, in general, we are transported with any thing that is not English: so it be of a foreign growth, let it be Italian, French, or High Dutch, it is the same thing. In short, our English music is quite rooted out, and nothing yet planted in its stead. When a royal palace is burnt to the ground, every man is at liberty to present his plan for a new one; and though it be but indifferently put together, it may furnish several hints that may be of use to a good architect. I shall take the same liBerty in a following paper, of giving my Phædra and Hippolitus, a tragedy, by Edmund Smith, first acted in 1707. faction to those who are exempt from this passion, give the quickest pangs to persons who are subject to it. All the perfections of their fellow-creatures are odious. Youth, beauty, valour, and wisdom are provocations of their displeasure. What a wretched and apostate state is this! to be offended with excellence, and to hate a man because we approve him! The condition of the envious man is the most emphatically miserable; he is not only incapable of rejoicing in another's merit or success, but lives in a world wherein all mankind are in a plot against his quiet, by studying their own happiness and advantage. Will Prosper is an honest tale-bearer, he makes it his business to join in conversation with envious men. He points to such a handsome young fellow, and whispers that he is secretly doubt, he adds circumstances to prove it; married to a great fortune. When they and never fails to aggravate their distress, by assuring them, that to his knowledge, |