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"March 6.-My time flies like a vapor, and nothing is done. When shall I begin to live for God!
"March 7.—I am a useless being in the world. I do nothing for God, nothing for man, nothing for myself. I find such a propensity to seek popular applause, that I am ready to give up all thoughts of preaching.
"March 8.-I cannot accuse myself of indulging in any known sin, or neglecting any known duty; but I am so lifeless, so little engaged in religious things, that I seem to believe as though I believed not.
"March 10.-Found considerable freedom in prayer. Was too passionate in a dispute about a theatre. Had little freedom in speaking to the scholars. Was enabled to be diligent in filling up my time. Was assisted in my studies.
"March 12.-I act as if eternal things were a dream. When shall I be wise?
"March 13.-Favored with great liberty in prayer. Was enabled to pray for others more than usual.
"March 17.—Thanks to divine goodness, this has been a good day to me. Was favored with considerable freedom in the morning, and rejoiced in the Lord, through the day. But in the evening felt an unusual degree of assistance, both in prayer and study. SINCE I BEGAN TO BEG GOD'S BLESSING ON MY STUDIES, I HAVE DOne more in ONE WEEK, THAN IN THE WHOLE YEAR BEFORE. Surely, it is good to draw near to God at all times.
"March 19.-Less freedom in prayer than usual. In the evening was betrayed into folly, if not into sin. Could neither write nor read with any profit. What a miserable creature am I, when Jesus withdraws his assistance !— Was very positive in a trifle, and was justly punished by finding myself in the wrong. Hope it will prove a profitable lesson to me.
"March 23.—Am much exercised respecting applying for license to preach, and afraid I am under the influence of improper motives; but I trust my Guide will direct me.
"March 28.-Read Pike's Saving Faith'; and though at first I was somewhat alarmed with fears that I had it not; yet, blessed be God, my fears and doubts were soon
removed. I was enabled to appeal to God for a witness of what he has done for me. I know that I love my Saviour; and though my love is infinitely short of his merits, I trust He who gave it me can and will increase it. I am sinful, but He died for sinners. Felt unusual fervency and sweetness in prayer, and reading the Scriptures, and was encouraged to go on, striving for more holiness.
"March 29.-Renewed my covenant with God. Asked assistance to do it with sincerity. My prayer was answered in an unusual degree. I had a clearer view of my own vileness and depravity, and a more distinct and satisfying perception of Christ's all-sufficiency and goodness, by far, than I ever enjoyed before; so that I was ready to think I had never known any thing of the matWas enabled to say, Abba Father! in the true spirit of adoption, and to exercise strong faith in Christ and love to him.
"March 30.-Had more comfort in ordinances than ever before. I was almost ready to think this the period of my conversion. The transport I felt was more rational and penetrating, than I ever before experienced. It arose from an apprehension of the perfect sufficiency of Christ in all his offices, and from a clear discovery of God as my Father, so that I was enabled to trust, rejoice, and exult in him.
'April 2.—Was enabled in some measure to guard against a peevish, impatient disposition. In the evening, unusually lively and fervent in prayer.
April 5.-Was very much harassed with wandering thoughts, this morning. Sought to Christ for deliverance, and found it. .....Have fresh reason to think visiting is detrimental. In the evening was exceedingly depressed with a sense of my vileness. I wished to shrink from society and observation. Could hardly think of attempting to preach. Threw myself at the feet of my blessed Saviour, and poured forth my sorrows and complaints before him. Yet I suspect there was more of self than any other principle in my tears.
April 8.-Was much exercised to day on the subject of election, and other truths connected with it.-Have
been much in doubt respecting offering myself for exami
nation next month.
of proper motives.
Fear I am not under the influence
April 13.-Sabbath. shed abroad in my heart. morning.
Felt the love of God sweetly Continued in this frame all the Derived much more advantage from ordinances than usual, especially from the sacrament. A profitable day.
April 13.-Was in a comfortable frame this morning. Had some assistance in speaking to my scholars. But alas! my heart before noon betrayed me into sin. I fell into a passion with an inanimate substance; and thought, if I did not utter curses. Was soon aroused to
a sense of my folly and guilt.
April 19.-I know not why, but this has been the worst week I have had these six months. Believe I expected too much from the sacrament.
April 20.-Had some sense of my miserable state, but little fervency in seeking relief. Suspect the weather and my health have some influence on me. In the evening had more fervency, but not more sensible assistance. Was, however, resigned to my Master's will, and enabled to trust in him.
"April 26.-Was much favored in my approaches to the throne of grace to-day.
May 1.-Rose early and had some life and comfort. Have been so much engaged in preparing my sermon for examination, that my mind has been much taken off from religion. I find writing sermons is not praying.
May 4.-It is now long since I have enjoyed any of those sweet seasons of communion with God, which used to be my chief happiness. I fear I have neglected the Scriptures too much. Am determined to pay more attention to them.
May 13.-This was the day in which I intended to be examined before the Association, but it pleased Providence to prevent. In the evening reflected on my late coldness and backwardness in religion, and resolved by the help of divine grace to run with more alacrity, the race set before me.
May 18.-I think I never was so favored in prayer for so long a period in my life. At meeting tolerably lively. In the intermission, and after meeting, was enabled to spend the time profitably, so that I never was favored with a more profitable Sabbath.
May 19.-Enjoyed considerable fervor in the morning, and some life in speaking to my scholars. Engaged in a dispute at breakfast; and foolishly became angry. Retired and prayed for him with whom I was angry, and for myself. Was enabled, in a considerable degree, to conquer my anger in this matter.
May 20.-Find some remains of anger, notwithstanding all endeavors to suppress it. my
"May 22.-Since I began, in pursuance of my design, to read the Scriptures, I have enjoyed more of the divine presence than before.
May 23.-Was favored in prayer.-Was applied to by the selectmen to deliver an oration on the 4th of July. Refused, at first; but being persuaded to consider of it, pride and vanity prevailed, and I foolishly complied.Mem. Never to consider, when I have a presentiment, at first, what I ought to do.
May 26.—Found much of the divine presence in duties, this morning. I spoke with some freedom to the boys. Determined to set this apart as a day of fasting and prayer, to humble myself for that sin for which I now suffer, [complying with the request to deliver an oration.] Was very dull and lifeless during the first part of the time. Afterwards was enabled to trust the affair wholly in the hands of God without any care or anxiety respecting it. Was favored with a sense of pardon and love.
Sabbath, June 1.-Sacrament. Enjoyed much of the divine presence and assistance in prayer and meditation. Have never had a more profitable morning. Found my Saviour in his ordinances. Hope I have found this a good day. Seemed to feel more property in Christ and his benefits, than I had ever done before. After meeting was filled with the blessed consolations of the Spirit. O, how refreshing are those foretastes of heaven! How ravishing the presence of Jesus! Felt a full assurance
of my interest in the blessings purchased by Christ. No doubts obscured the sunshine of my mind. God be praised.
“June 9.—Resolved to spend all the time before six in religious exercises. Enjoyed some comfort in prayer.
"June 15. Sabbath. Never felt such strong and lively faith in prayer, as this morniug. It seemed as if I had nothing to do, but to take whatever I pleased.
"June 17.-Was much harassed with wandering thoughts in morning prayer. Was much assisted in my studies.
June 28.-Felt myself exceedingly vile. Found no comfort in the exercises of public worship. My oration is a snare to me. O, what an astonishing, bewitching power a thirst for applause has over my mind. I know it is of no consequence what mankind think of me, and yet I am continually seeking their approbation.
"June 29. Sabbath.-Rose early, and was favored with the presence and assistance of the blessed Spirit in prayer. O, how sweet and refreshing it is to pour out our souls before God !-O, the wonderful and unmerited goodness of God in keeping me from openly disgracing my profession. If he had left me one moment to myself, I had been ruined. Next Sabbath is the sacrament. God grant that it may be a refreshing season to me, and many others.
"July 2.-Still harassed and perplexed about my ora tion. Could not have believed, that the desire of applause had gained such power over me.
July 4.-Was enabled to ask for assistance to perform the services of the day.-In the evening felt in a most sweet, humble, thankful frame. How shall I praise the Lord for all his goodness.
"July 5.-Felt much of the same temper I experienced yesterday. In the evening, was favored with much of the divine presence and blessing in prayer. Mem. Applause cannot confer happiness!
"July 6.-Sabbath. My infinitely gracious God is still present, to make his goodness pass before me. He