him. Relying on the assistance of his Holy Spirit, I engaged to take the holy Scriptures as the rule of my conduct, the Lord Jesus Christ to be my Saviour, and the Spirit of all grace and consolation, as my guide and sanctifier. The vows of God are upon me.'

Subsequent entrances in his diary show an ever active desire to pay the vows which his lips had uttered.' He made strenuous efforts to redeem the morning hours from sleep, that he might enjoy an uninterrupted season for reading the scriptures, and other devotional exercises; and when he failed of this, he suffered much in consequence, and lamented it with deep feeling. His diligence in business, as well as fervor of spirit, are abundantly apparent from the account which he has given of the employment of every hour, from four in the morning to ten at night. In a letter to his parents written on this anniversary, he speaks of having already paid considerable attention to divinity,' and of expecting, in another year, to commence preaching, if he should feel competent to such an undertaking.'

"MY DEAR PARents,

"Portland, July 25, 1805.

"This day, which completes my twenty-second year, renews the remembrance of the numerous claims your continued care and kindness have on my gratitude and affection. To you, next to my heavenly Father, I owe that I exist; that I am in a situation to support myself, and, what is a still greater obligation, to your admonitions and instructions I am indebted for all the moral and religious impressions which are imprinted in my mind; and which I hope, under God, will give me reason to love and bless you through eternity. How can I feel sufficient gratitude to the Giver of all good for blessing me with such parents; and how can I thank you sufficiently for all the kindness you have lavished upon me, as yet without return? But it shall be the study of my life to show, that I am not utterly devoid of every sentiment of gratitude and duty. Pardon me, my dearest Parents, for all the pain, the trouble, and anxiety I have given you; and believe me while I promise, never knowingly to be guilty of any thing, to increase the uneasiness I have already

occasioned you. I consider it as one of my greatest blessings, that I am now in a situation which prevents my being a charge to you, and which besides might enable me, in casc of misfortune, to repay some small part of the kindness I have received. I, with all I do or may possess, am your property-for you alone put me in a situation to obtain it. And if there be any thing, (as I doubt not there is,) which would contribute to your happiness, in my power to procure for you, I most earnestly entreat you to let me know it, and if I do not, with the utmost pleasure, comply, cast me off as an ungrateful wretch, utterly unworthy of your kindness and affection."

Mr. Payson made a public profession of religion, September 1, 1805. He connected himself originally with the church in Rindge, under the pastoral care of his father, while on a visit to his parents during one of his quarterly vacations. Of his exercises in the near prospect of this solemn act, not a memorial remains. The record of them was probably destroyed by himself, as there is a hiatus in his diary from about a month previous to this event till the 19th of January following. It is not an omission, but an obvious mutilation. The only direct allusion to this public dedication of himself to God is in a letter to his mother, written a short time afterwards, in which he says "As yet I have no reason to repent of the step I took while at home. On the contrary, I esteem it a great blessing, that no obstacles prevented it." He adds, "I have felt wondrous brave and resolute since my return; but I rejoice with trembling. If I know any thing of myself, I shall need pretty severe discipline through life, and I often shrink at the thought of the conflicts that await me, but am encouraged by the promise, that my strength shall be equal to my day." Never were apprehensions and hopes more signally realized He who tempers the wind to the shorn lamb," however, reserved the bitterest trials for a confirmed state of religious experience, mercifully indulging his servant with the light of his countenance, and a peaceful and happy progress in his pilgrimage, in its earliest stages. Oct. 6th, he writes

"I know it will add to your happiness, my dear mother, to hear that I possess a large quantity of that desira

ble commodity. Since my return from Rindge, bating a few disagreeable days after parting with my friends, I have hardly known one unhappy moment. The doubts, which formerly obscured my mind, are dissipated; and I have enjoyed, and do still enjoy mental peace, and at times, happiness inexpressible. When I am thus happy, it renders me so benevolent, that I want to make every one partake of it, and can hardly forbear preaching to every man I see. At the same time, the thought of what I deserve, compared with what I enjoy, humbles me to the dust; and the lower I get, the more happy do I feel. And then I am so full of gratitude and love, I can hardly support it. My only source of unhappiness, at such times, is, the moral certainty, that I shall again offend that God, who is so infinitely, so condescendingly kind. This, indeed, seems impossible at the time; it then seems that worldly objects cannot possibly again acquire an undue influence over my mind. **** To think, that I shall again become cold and inanimate, that I shall again offend and grieve the Holy Spirit, and, perhaps, be left openly to dishonor the holy name by which I am calledmy dear mother, how distressing!"

"Oct. 29.

"These wordly comforts are nothing to the serenity and peace of mind with which I am favored, and the happiness arising from love, gratitude, and confidence. Even contrition and remorse for having slighted so long such infinite and condescending mercy, is not without a pleasing kind of pain. But I know this state of things is too good to continue long; and I hope I shall be enabled to take up with a much smaller number of the comforts of life without murmuring."

In a letter, dated November 11th, he says, "The happiness I mentioned in my last, and in which you so kindly participate, I still enjoy, though diminished in some degree by an examination I have been making respecting some important, but perplexing truths."

Some weeks after this he wrote " I did not intend to say another word about my feelings; but I must, or else cease writing. I am so happy, that I cannot possibly

think nor write of any thing else. Such a glorious, beautiful, consistent scheme for the redemption of such miserable wretches; such infinite love and goodness, joined with such wisdom! I would, if possible, I would, if possible, raise my voice, so that the whole universe to its remotest bounds might hear me, if any language could be found worthy of such a subject. How transporting, and yet how humiliating, are the displays of divine goodness, which at some favored moments we feel! What happiness in humbling ourselves in the dust, and confessing our sins and unworthiness !"

A solicitude for the spiritual welfare of others, which is among the early fruits of experimental religion, and one of the most pleasing evidences of its existence, was in Mr. Payson coeval with his profession of the faith and hope of the gospel. Of this his pupils, as was to be expected, were always the most interesting objects.-September 20th he writes, "Last Saturday I gave my scholars six questions in the catechism, and a hymn to commit to memory, on the Sabbath; and on Monday morning, after hearing them recite, I lectured them on the subjects about three quarters of an hour. They paid strict attention. It is, however, discouraging to attempt any thing of this kind, and a most lively faith alone can make it otherwise. Is it not astonishing, that those who have a just sense of the importance of religion, are not more earnest in recommending it to others? One would suppose they could hardly refrain from preaching to them in the streets. The reason we do not is, we have not a just sense of it."

October 29.

"I hope your narrative-for which I thank you—will have a tendency to stir me up. I feel a strong and abiding impression on my mind, that all the good I enjoy my friends were stirred up to pray for; and I hope I and my scholars shall reap the advantage of them in this case. When I look at them and reflect how many dangers they are exposed to, what bad examples even the parents of many set them, and how few hear any thing like religious instruction, I cannot express my feelings. Lately I feel

a great flow of words when addressing them; however, it is just like speaking to dry bones, unless a divine blessing assist. If I could be the means of doing good only to one, what transport! Thank God, it does not depend on the means, but on himself; otherwise I should give up in despair."

'January 15, 1806.

"This morning I was highly favored in speaking to my scholars. I spoke nearly three quarters of an hour, with some earnestness, though not so much as I could have wished. Except once, I have felt a very considerable share of freedom on these occasions. Your mentioning that you were enabled to pray for a blessing on these poor endeavors, has been a great encouragement to me. They are attentive, and a very perceptible difference has taken place in their attention to their studies. I hope, that, sooner or later, they will become attentive to more important pursuits. I am almost afraid to write even to you, my dear mother, on these subjects, lest I should make some gross blunder, through my ignorance and inexperience. I have often observed that persons, who begin to read late in life, are apt to think every thing they meet with in books as new to others as it is to them, and so make themselves ridiculous by retailing, as novelty, what every one knew before. In like manner, I am somewhat apprehensive of appearing to you, in mentioning my own feelings, as one who is detailing last year's news; for your ideas and feelings must be so far beyond mine, that it will require some patience to read my relations. However I trust to your goodness, and hope you will remember that many things which are now plain and common were once dark and unusual to you. I am pursuing my studies pretty much at random, having no person to advise with."

This anxiety for the souls of his fellow creatures, marked his intercourse with associates of the same standing with himself. One of his valued companions in literary pursuits has furnished the following extracts: