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were given me, and I was taken, with greater kindness than ever to the bosom of that Saviour whom I had so insulted. Nor was this all; the trial was beneficial to me. It shewed me the selfishness of my prayers for a revival, and my self-deception in thinking I was willing to be disappointed, if God pleased. It convinced me that I was not yet prepared for such a blessing, and that much more wisdom and grace were necessary, to enable me to conduct a revival properly, than I had ever imagined before. On the whole, though the past year has been one of peculiar trial and suffering, I have reason to hope it has not been unprofitable and that I have not suffered so many things altogether in vain. I have seen more of myself and of Christ, than I ever saw before; and can, at times, feel more of the frame described Ezekiel XVI. 63, than I ever expected to feel a year since. The gospel way of salvation appears much more glorious and precious, and sin more hateful. I can see, supposing a revival is to come, that it was a great mercy to have it so long delayed. My hopes, that it will yet cone, are perhaps as strong as ever, but my mind is on the rack of suspense, and I can scarcely support the conflict of mingled anxieties, desires and expectations. Meanwhile, appearances are, every week, more favorable, the heavens are covered with clouds, and some drops have already fallen. Such are the circumstances in which I commence the ninth year of my ministry, and surely never did my situation call more loudly for fasting and prayer than now.

"In the preceding sketch of the past year. I have said little of my own wickedness, or of God's goodness; for indeed I know not what to say. The simple statements which I have made of facts speak more loudly in favor of Christ, and against myself, than any thing else can do. I used to think that repentance and confession bore some small proportion to my sins; but now there seems to be no more proportion between them, than between finite and infinite. I can see that I once trusted much to my repentance; but now my repentance seems one of my worst sins, on account of its exceeding in perfection.

"For an hour or two, I have enjoyed as much assistance as I usually do on such occasions; but I see more

and more how exceedingly little there is of spirituality in my best affections. Imagination, natural affections, and self-love, compose by much the largest part of my experiences. Indeed, I can scarcely discover any thing else. It is like a fire just kindled; much smoke, some blaze, but little heat. I have been praying, more than I ever did before, for more spiritual affection and clearer views; but as yet my gracious God does not answer my request. But he knows best, and with him I can leave it.

"Was favoured, while reading Owen on the Hebrews, with new and unusually clear views of many things respecting our Saviour's sufferings, which filled me with wonder and delight. O, how little have I known, how little do I still know, of the great mystery of Godliness! In the evening hoped I felt something of what the apostle calls travailing in birth for souls. I was in such a state of mind, as I cannot well describe, but it seemed to be almost insupportable.

"Dec. 17.-Had a most sweet refreshing season in prayer, last night. The unsearchable riches seemed opened to me, to take as much as I pleased. Had great liberty in praying for a revival; and could scarcely give over the blessed work, though much exhausted. This morning was in the same frame. Was especially affected and delighted with the proof of love which he required from Peter, "Feed my sheep." Prayed that I might be enabled to feed them this day. Went to the house of God with more of such a frame, as I wished, than usual. I have hitherto had no liberty in praying for a revival in public. However much I might feel at home, it was taken from me as soon as I entered the meeting-house. But to-day, my fetters were taken off. I could pray for nothing but a revival.

"Dec. 18.-Felt unusually oppressed with a sense of the wisdom and grace necessary to conduct a revival; but was enabled to trust in God to supply my wants. Spent the evening with Christian friends. Prayed for a blessing on the visit, and found it a sweet season. After my return, had a most refreshing and delightful season in prayer. Had no longer the least doubt of a revival, and my joy was unspeakable. Continued sweetly meditating and praying, till I fell asleep.

"Dec. 19.-New joys, new praises. Had a most ravishing view of Christ, this morning, as coming at a distance in the chariot of his salvation. In an instant he was with me, and around me, and I could only cry, Welcome! welcome! a thousand times welcome, to my disconsolate heart, and to thy widowed church! O, joy unspeakable and full of glory-while seeing him not, I feel and believe his presence. Spent the evening with the church after much prayer, both alone and with others, that Christ would meet and bless us. Went to meeting trembling, and my fears were realized. I was entirely deserted, had nothing to say, and was obliged to leave them abruptly. They sat stupid awhile, after I left them, and then separated. This was a sore trial. Impatience and self-will struggled hard for leave to say something against Christ; but I was enabled to flee to the throne of grace, and found relief. One thing is certain. I have no direct promise that there shall be a revival; but I have a thousand direct, positive assurances that Christ is faithful, and wise, and kind. This, therefore, faith will believe, whatever becomes of my hopes and wishes; and it is evidently absurd to profess to trust in God for what he has not expressly promised, while I do not believe his positive assurances.

"Dec. 24. Enjoyed great nearness to Christ in family prayer. Seemed to feel a perfect union with him, and to love, with a most intense love, every thing that is dear to him. Christians seemed inexpressibly dear to me, and I loved to pray for them, as for myself. But, O, where have I been? and what have I been doing all my days? How terribly blind and ignorant of religion have I been; and now I know nothing, feel nothing, as I ought. Saw that there is incomparably more to be known and felt in religion, than I ever thought of before. What a pity, that I have lost so many of the best years of my life, in contented ignorance; and what would I not give for the years I have lost. I never can be humbled sufficiently for my indolence. As it respects a revival, I feel easy. My anxiety has subsided into a settled calm, arising from a full persuasion that Christ will come and save us.

"Dec. 30.-Was greatly assisted in praying for a revival, and felt almost a full assurance that it would be granted. Felt sweetly melted and almost overpowered with a sense of God's sovereign unmerited love. Could not forbear saying to him, that he ought not save such a guilty creature; or, at least, ought not to employ me, and bless my labors; but he seemed to reply, with great power and majesty, "I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy." Could not but submit, that it should be so. Never did the sovereignty of God appear so sweet as then. Spent part of the evening in religious conversation with my domestics.

"Jan. 4, 1816.-Preached the evening lecture without much sensible assistance. After meeting, one of the church informed me that in the afternoon a man, (who had formerly been one of the first merchants in town,) once a professor, but who has been for many years an apostate, and bitter enemy to religion, came to him apparently much distressed respecting his salvation; and that the same man was at lecture. This good news filled us with joy and triumph, so that all doubts of a revival seemed removed. O, I wanted even then to begin my eternal song, and excess of happiness became almost painful. Could scarcely sleep for joy, though much fatigued.

"Jan. 5.-Had similar views and feelings, this morning, but less vivid. Tok a review of God's dealings with me, and of my own exercises respecting the revival. Saw infinite wisdom and goodness in every thing that God has done, and could not but admire and praise. As to my feelings, though they seemed little better than a mass of pride, and selfishness, and impatience, yet I could not but see that there was some real faith under all, which God had accepted. Afterwards, however, reflecting on the feelings of Papists towards their saints, and Pagans. towards their idols, I was led to doubt whether I had exercised any real faith at all. Attended a fast. Endeav ored to convince the church how polluted the conferenceroom must be in the sight of God, in consequence of the sins which had been committed there. Then made a confession of them, and prayed that it might be cleansed. Then did the same with respect to our closets, and houses, and afterwards the house of God, and the commu

nion-table. Then read and expounded the new covenant, and shewed what was meant by taking hold of it. Finished by imploring all the blessings of this covenant on the church, and praying for a revival.

Jan. 7.-Sabbath. Had no freedom either in prayer or preaching, and the congregation appeared uncommonly stupid. Concluded that there was to be no revival under me. Was exceedingly distressed, but felt no disposition to murmur, or be impatient. Withdrew to my chamber, to weep and pray. It seemed clear, that I was the great obstacle to a revival. I have not "rendered again according to the benefit done unto me, but my heart has been lifted up; therefore is there wrath upon my people." Threw myself in the dust at God's feet. Derived some comfort from often repeating those words, I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious. It seemed sweet, as well as reasonable, that God should be a sovereign, and do what he will with his own."

"March 1, 1816.

-"Could I, my dear Mother, tell you all the good news I have so long been waiting for, it would be some comfort; but I can say but little compared with what I hoped to be able to say, before this time; nor can I yet determine how it will go with us. We have about eighty inquirers, and several, I hope, are converted; but this is nothing to what we expected. However, we would be thankful for a drop, if we cannot have a shower. It has been a trying season with me, this winter. While pursuing the revival, it seemed as if I must die in the pursuit, and never overtake it.

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-"I am so worn down with constant cares and labors, that my affections seem to be all dried up, "and I am withered like grass." However, I hope you have received, ere this, a few lines, as a proof that I have not quite forgotten, or ceased to love my mother.

"Our revival still lingers: it, however, increases slowly. I have conversed with about forty, who entertain hopes, and with about sixty more who are inquiring.

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