WELL, Sidrophel, though 'tis in vain To tamper with your crazy brain, Without trepanning of your fcull, As often as the moon's at full, "Tis not amifs, e'er ye're giv'n o'er, To try one defp'rate med'cine more; For where your cafe can be no worse, The defp'rat'ft is the wifeft course. Is 't poffible that you, whose ears Are of the tribe of Iffachar's, And might (with equal reafon) either For merit, or extent of leather, With William Pryn's, before they were Retrench'd and crucify'd, compare, Shou'd yet be deaf against a noise So roaring as the public voice? That speaks your virtues free and loud, And openly in ev'ry crowd, As loud as one that fings his part T'a wheelbarrow, or turnip-cart, Or your new nick-nam'd old invention To cry green Haftings with an engine; (As if the vehemence had stunn'd, And torn your drumheads with the found) And 'caufe your folly's now no news, But overgrown, and out of ufe, Perfuade yourself there's no fuch matter, But that 'tis vanish'd out of Nature; When Folly, as it it grows in years, The more extravagant appears; For who but you could be poffeft With fo much ignorance and beaft,

That neither all men's fcorn and hate,
Nor being laugh'd and pointed at,
Nor bray'd fo often in a mortar,

Can teach you wholfome fenfe and nurture
But (like a reprobate) what courfe
Soever us'd, grow worfe and worse ?
Can no transfufion of the blood
That makes fools cattle, do you good?
Nor putting pigs t' a bitch to nurse,
To turn em into mongrel curs,
Put you into a way, at least,
To make yourself a better beast ?
Can all your critical intrigues,
Of trying found from rotten eggs;
Your fev'ral new-found remedies,
Of curing wounds and scabs in trees;
Your arts of fluxing them for claps,
And purging their infected faps;
Recovering fhankers, cryftallines,
And nodes and blotches in their rinds,
Have no effect to operate

Upon that duller block, your pate?
But ftill it must be lewdly bent
To tempt your own due punishment;
And, like your whimfy'd chariots, draw
The boys to courfe you without law;
As if the art you have fo long
Profefs'd, of making old dogs young,
In you had virtue to renew
Not only youth, but childhand too.
Can you that understood all books,
By judging only with your looks,

'Tis true no lover has that pow'r
T'enforce a defperate amour,

As he that has two ftrings t' his bow,
And burns for love and money too;
For then he's brave and refolute,
Difdains to render in his fuit;
Has all his flames and raptures double,

And hangs or drowns, with half the trouble;
While those who fillily pursue
The fimple, downright way and true,
Make as unlucky applications,

And steer against the ftream their paflions.
Some forge their mistreffes of ftars,
And when the ladies prove averse,
And more untoward to be won
Than by Caligula the moon,
Cry out upon the stars for doing
Ill offices, to cross their wooing,

When only by themfelves they're hind'red,
For trufting those they made her kindred,
And ftill the harfher and hide-bounder
The damfels prove, become the fonder;
For what mad lover ever dy'd
To gain a foft and gentle bride?

Or for a lady tender-hearted,
In purling ftrcams or hemp departed?
Leap'd headlong int' Elyfium,
Through the windows of a dazzling room
But for fome cross ill-natur'd dame,
The am'rous fly burnt in his flame.
This to the Knight would be no news,
With all mankind fo much in use,
Who therefore took the wifer course,
To make the most of his amours,
Refolv'd to try all forts of ways,
As follows in due time and place.

No fooner was the bloody fight
Between the Wizard and the Knight,
With all th' appurtenances, over,
But he relaps'd again t' a lover,
As he was always wont to do,
When he 'ad difcomfited a foe,
And us'd the only antique philters,
Deriv'd from old heroic tilters.
But now triumphant and victorious,
He held th' achievement was too glorious
For fuch a conqueror to meddle
With petty constable or beadle,

Or fly for refuge to the hoftefs

Of th' inns of Court and Chancery, Juftice;
Who might, perhaps, reduce his caufe

To the ordeal trial of the laws,
Where none escape, but fuch as branded
With redhot irons have paft bare-handed;
And if they cannot read one verse

I' th' Pfalms, must fing it, and that's worse.
He, therefore, judging it below him

'To tempt a fhame the devil might owe him,
Refolv d to leave the Squire for bail
And mainprize for him to the jail,
To answer, with his veffel, all
That might difaftrously befal,
And thought it now the fittest juncture
To give the lady a rencounter,
T'acquaint her with his expedition,
And conqueft o'er the fierce magician;
Defcribe the manner of the fray,
And fhew the fpoils he brought away;
His bloody fcourging aggravate,
The number of the blows, and weight;
All which might probably fucceed,
And gain belief he 'ad done the deed:
Which he refolv'd t' enforce, and spare
No pawning of his foul to fwear;
But rather than produce his back,
To fet his confcience on the rack;
And in pursuance of his urging
Of articles perform'd and scourging,
And all things elfe, upon his part,
Demand deliv'ry of her heart,
Her goods, and chattles, and good graces,
And perfon, up to his embraces.
Thought, he the ancient errant knights
Won all their ladies' hearts in fights,
And cut whole giants into fritters,
To put them into am'rous twitters;
Whofe ftubborn bowels fcorn'd to yield,
Until their gallants were half-kill'd;

But when their bones were drubb'd fo fore,
They durft not woo one combat more,
The ladies' hearts began to melt,
Subdu'd by blows their lovers felt.
So Spanish heroes, with their lances,
At once wound bulls' and ladies' fancies;
And he acquires the nobleft spouse
That widows greatefl herds of cows;
Then what must I expect to do,
Who've quell'd fo valt a buffalo?
Meanwhile the Squire was on his way,
The Knight's late orders to obcy;
Who fent him for a strong detachment
Of beadles, conftables, and watchmen,
'T' attack the cunning man, for plunder
Committed falfely on his lumber;
When he, who had fo lately fack d
The enemy, had done the fact,
Had rided all his pokes and fobs
Of gimcracks, whins, and juggun.bobs,
Which he by hook or crook had gather`d,
And for his own inventions father'd;
And when they fhould, at gaol delivery,
Unriddle one another's thiev'ry,

Both might have evidence enough
To render neither halter-proof:
He thought it defperate to tarry,
And venture to be acceffary;
But rather wifely flip his fetters,

And leave them for the Knight, his betters.
He call'd to mind th' unjust foul play
He would have offer'd him that day,
To make him curry his own hide,
Which no beaft ever did befide,
Without all poffible evasion,
But of the riding difpenfation:
And therefore niuch about the hour
ihe Knight (for reasons told before)
Refolv'd to leave him to the fury
Of Juftice, and an unpack'd jury,
The Squire concurr'd t' abanden him,
And ferve him in the felf-fame trim;
T'acquaint the Lady what he 'ad done,
And what he meant to carry on;
What project 'twas he went about,
When Sidrophel and he fell out;"
His firm and ftedfaft refolution,
lo fwear her to an execution;

To pawn his inward ears to marry her,
And bribe the devil himself to carry her;
In which both dealt, as if they meant
Their party-faints to reprefent,
Who never fail'd, upon their fharing
In any profperous arms-1
s-bearing,
To lay themfelves out to fupplant
Each other coufin-german faint.
But e'er the Knight could do his part,
The Squire had got so much the Яtart,
He 'ad to the Lady done his errand,
And told her all his tricks afcrehand.

Just as he finish'd his report,
The Knight alighted in the court,
And having ty'd his beaft t' a pale,
And taking time for both to ftale,
He put his band and beard in order,
The Sprucer to accoft and board her :
And now began t' approach the door,
When fhe, wh' had fpy'd him out before,
Convey'd th' informer out of fight,

nd went to entertain the Knight;
With whom encount'ring, after longees
Of humble and fubmiffive congees,
And all due ceremonies paid,

He ftroak'd his beard, and thus he said:
Madam, I do, as is my duty,
Honour the fhadow of your fhoe-tie;
And now am come, to bring your ear
A prefent you'll be glad to hear;
At least I hope fo: the thing's done,
Or may I never fee the fun;
For which I humbly now demand
Performance at your gentle hand;
And that you'd pleafe to do your part,
As I have done mine, to my fmart.

With that he fhrugg'd his fturdy back,
As if he felt his fhoulders ake:
But the, who well enough knew what
(Before he fpoke) he would be at

Pretended not to apprehend
The mystery of what he mean'd,
And therefore wifh'd him to expound
His dark expreffions lefs profound.

Madam, quoth he, I come to prove
How much I've fuffer'd for your love,
Which (like your votary) to win,
I have not spar'd my tatter'd skin;
And, for those meritorious lashes,
To claim your favour and good graces.

Quoth the, I do remember once

I freed you from th' enchanted sconce,
And that you promis'd, for that favour,
To bind your back to th' good behaviour,
And, for my fake and fervice, vow'd,
To lay upon't a heavy load,

And what 't would bear t' a fcruple prove,
As other knights do oft make love;
Which whether you have done or no
Concerns yourself, not me, to know;
But if you have, I fhall confefs
Y' are honester than I could guess.
Quoth he, if you fufpect my troth,
I cannot prove it but by oath:
And if you make a queftion on't,
I'll pawn my foul that I have don't:
And he that makes his foul his furety,
I think, docs give the best fecur'ty.

Quoth the, Some fay the foul's fecure
Againft diftrefs and forfeiture;
Is free from action, and 'exempt
From execution and contempt;
And to be fummon'd to appear
In th' other world's illegal here,
And therefore few make any account
Int' what incumbrances they run 't :
For most men carry things fo even
Between this world, and hell, and heaven,
Without the leaft offence to either,
They freely deal in all together,
And equally abhor to quit

This world for both, or both for it;

And when they pawn and damn their fouls,
They are but pris'ners on paroles.

For that, quoth he, 'tis rational,
They may b' accountable in all :
For when there is that intercourse
Between divine and human pow'rs,
That all that we determine here
Commands obedience every where;
When penalties may be commuted
For fines, or ears, and executed,
It follows nothing binds so fast
As fouls in pawn and mortgage past:
For oaths are th' only tefts and feals
Of right and wrong, and true and false;
And there's no other way to try
The doubts of law and juftice by.

Quoth the, What is it you would swear?
There's no believing till I hear :
For, 'till they're understood, all tales
(Like nonfenfe) are not true nor falle.
Quoth he, When I refolv'd t' obey
What you commanded th' other day,

And to perform my exercife,
(As fchools are wont) for your fair eyes,
'F' avoid all fcruples in the cafe,

I went to do 't upon the place;
But as the cafle is enchanted

By Sidrophel the witch, and haunted
With evil spirits, as you know,
Who took my Squire and me for two
Before I'd hardly time to lay
My weapons by, and difarray,
I heard a formidable noife,
Loud as the Stentrophonic voice,
That roar'd far off, Difpatch, and strip
I'm ready with th' infernal whip,
That fhall diveft thy ribs of fkin,
To expiate thy ling'ring fin;

Thou 'aft broke perfidiously thy oath,
And not perform'd thy plighted troth,
But spared thy renegado back,
Where thou 'adft fo great a prize at stake,
Which now the Fates have order'd me,
For penance and revenge, to flea,
Unless thou prefently make hafte;
Time is, time was; and there it ceaft.
With which, though startled, I confefs
Yet th' horror of the thing was lefs
Than the other diímal apprehension
Of interruption or prevention;
And therefore fnatching up the rod,
I laid upon my back a load,
Refolv'd to fpare no flesh and blood,
To make my word and honour good;
Till tir'd, and taking truce at length,
For new recruits of breath and ftrength,
I felt the blows ftill ply'd as faft,
As if they 'ad been by lovers plac'd,
In raptures of Platonic lafhing,
And chafle contemplative bardashing;
When facing hastily about,

To ftand upon my guard and scout,
I found th' infernal cunning man,
And th' under-witch, his Caliban,
With fcourges (like the Furies) arm'd,
That on my outward quarters storm'd.
In hafte I fnatch'd my weapon up,
And gave their hellish rage a ftop;
Call'd thrice upon your name, and fell,
Courageously on Sidrophel,

Who now, transform'd himself t' a bear,
Began to rear aloud and tear;
When I as furioufly prefs'd on,
My weapon down his throat to run,
Laid hold on him, but he broke loose,
And turn'd himself into a goose,
Div'd under water, in a pond,
To hide himfelf from being found.
In vain I fought him; but as foon
As I perceiv'd him fied and gone,
Prepar'd, with equal hafte and rage,
His under-forc'rer to engage;
But bravely fcorning to defile
My fword with feeble blood, and vile,
I judg'd it better from a quick-
Set hedge to cut a knotted flick,