་ N 376. Monday, May 12. Pavone ex Pythagoreo. Mr. SPECTATOR, Perfius, Have obferved that the Officer you fome time ago I appointed as Infpector Signs, has not Duty fo well as to give you an account of very many ftrange Occurrences in the publick Streets, which are worthy of, but have escaped your notice. Among all the Oddnesses which I have ever met with, that which I am now telling you gave me moft delight. You must ⚫ have obferved that all the Criers in the Street attract the Attention of the Paffengers, and of the Inhabitants in the feveral Parts, by fomething very particular in their ⚫ Tone it felf, in the dwelling upon a Note, or elfe making themselves wholly unintelligible by a Scream. The Perfon I am fo delighted with has nothing to fell, but very gravely receives the Bounty of the People, for no other Merit but the Homage they pay to his Manner of fignifying to them that he wants a Subfidy. You must, fure, have heard speak of an old Man, who walks about the City, and that part of the Suburbs which lies beyond the Tower, performing the Office of a Day Watchman, follow'd by a Goofe, which bears the bob of his Ditty, and confirms what he fays with a Quack, Quack. I gave little heed to the mention of this known • Circumftance, till, being the other day in those Quarters, I paffed by a decrepid old Fellow with a Polè in his Hand, who juft then was bawling out, half an hour after one a-clock, and immediately a dirty Goofe behind • him made her Refponfe, Quack, Quack. I could not forbear attending this grave Proceffion for the length of half a Street, with no fmall amazement to find the whofe Place fo familiarly acquainted with a melancholy ⚫ Mid-night • Mid-night Voice at Noon-day, giving them the Hour, and exhorting them of the Departure of Time, with <a Bounce at their Door. While I was full of this Novelty, I went into a Friend's House, and told him how I was diverted with their whimsical Monitor and his Equipage. My Friend gave me the Hiflory; and interrupted my Commendation of the Man, by telling me the Livelihood of thefe two Animals is purchafed ra ther by the good Parts of the Goofe, than of the Leader: For it seems the Peripatetick who walked before her was a Watchman in that neighbourhood; and the • Goofe of her felf by frequent hearing the Tone, out of her natural Vigilance, not only observed, but anfwer'd it very regularly from time to time. The Watchman was fo affected with it, that he bought her, and has taken her in Partner, only altering their Hours of Duty from Night to Day. The Town has come into it, and they live very comfortably. This is the Matter of Fact: Now I defire you, who are a profound Philofopher, to confider this Alliance of Inftinct and Reafon; your Speculation may turn very naturally upon the Force the fuperiour Part of Mankind may have upon the Spirits of fuch as, like this Watchman, may be very near the • Standard of Geese. And you may add to this practical • Obfervation, how in all Ages and Times the World has • been carry'd away by odd unaccountable things, which · one would think would pafs upon no Creature which had Reafon; and, under the Symbol of this Goofe, you may enter into the Manner and Method of leading Creatures, with their Eyes open, thro' thick and thin, for they know not what, they know not why. ALL which is humbly fubmited to your Spectatorial • Wisdom, by, SIR, Your most humble Servant, Michael Gander. Mr. Mr. SPECTATOR, Have for feveral years had under my care the Government and Education of young Ladies, which Truft I have endeavour'd to discharge with due regard to their feveral Capacities and Fortunes: I have left nothing undone to imprint in every one of them an hum⚫ble courteous Mind, accompanied with a graceful becoming Mien, and have made them pretty much acquainted 'with the Houfhold Part of Family-Affairs; but ftill I ⚫ find there is fomething very much wanting in the Air of my Ladies, different from what I obferve in those that C are efteem'd your fine-bred Women. Now, Sir, I muft own to you, I never fuffered my Girls to learn to dance; but fince I have read your Difcourfe of Dancing, ⚫ where you have defcribed the Beauty and Spirit there is in regular Motion, I own my felf your Convert, and refolve for the future to give my young Ladies that Accomplishment, But upon imparting my Defign to their Parents, I have been made very uneafy for fome time, becaufe feveral of them have declared, that if [ did not make use of the Mafter they recommended, they would take away their Children. There was Colonel Jumper's Lady, a Colonel of the Train-Bands, that has a great Intereft in her Parish; the recommends Mr. Trott for the prettieft Mafter in Town, that no Man teaches a Jigg like him, that she has feen him rife fix or feven Capers together with the greateft cafe imaginable, and that his Scholars twift themfelves more ways than "the Scholars of any Mafter in Town: befides there is Madam Prim, an Alderman's Lady, recommends a Mafter of her own Name, but the declares he is not of their Family, yet a very extraordinary Man in his way; for befides a very foft Air he has in dancing, he gives them a particular Behaviour at a Tea-Table, and in • prefenting their Snuff-Box, to twirl, flip, or flirt a Fan, and how to place Patches to the beft advantage, either ⚫ for fat or lean, long or oval Faces: for my Lady fays there is more in thefe things than the World imagines. But I must confefs the major Part of thofe I am con cern'd ، 6 cern'd with leave it to me. I defire therefore, according to the inclosed Direction, you would fend your Correfpondent who has writ to you on that Subject to my House. If proper Application this way can give Innocence new Charms, and make Virtue legible in the "Countenance, I fhall fpare no Charge to make my Scholars in their very Features and Limbs bear witness how • careful I have been in the other Parts of their Education. I am, SIR, T Your most humble Servant, N 377. Tuesday, May 13. Quid quifque vitet, nunquam homini fatis L Hor. OVE was the Mother of Poetry, and ftill produces, among the moft ignorant and barbarous, a thousand imaginary Diftreffes and Poerical Complaints. It makes a Footman talk like Oroondates, and converts a brutal Ruftick into a gentle Swain. The moft ordinary, Plebeian or Mechanick in Love, bleeds and pines away with a certain Elegance and Tendernefs of Sentiments which this Paffion naturally infpires. THESE inward Languithings of a Mind infected with this Softnefs, have given birth to a Phrafe which is made ufe of by all the melting Tribe, from the higheft to the loweft, I mean that of dying for Love. ROMANCES, which owe their very Being to this Paffion, are full of thefe metaphorical Deaths. Heroes and Heroines, Knights, Squires, and Damfels, are all of them in a dying Condition. There is the fame kind of Mortality in our Modern Tragedies, where every one gafps, faints, bleeds and dies. Many of the Poets, to defcribe the Execution which is done by this Paffion, reprefent the Fair Sex as Bafilisks that destroy with their Eyes; but I think Mr. Cowley has with greater Juftnefs of Thought compared a beautiful Woman to a Porcupine, that fends an Arrow from every Part. I have often thought, that there is no way fo effectual® for the Cure of this general Infirmity, as a Mau's reflecting upon the Motives that produce it. When the Paffion proceeds from the Senfe of any Virtue or Perfection in the Perfon beloved, I would by no means difcourage it; but if a Man confiders that all his heavy Com plaints of Wounds and Deaths rife from fome little Affecta. tions of Coquetry, which are improved into Charms by his own fond Imagination, the very laying before himself the Cause of his Diftemper, may be sufficient to effect the Cure of it. IT is in this view that I have looked over the several Bundles of Letters which I have received from dying People, and compofed out of them the following Bill of Mortality, which I fhall lay before my Reader without any further Preface, as hoping that it may be useful to him in difcovering thofe feveral Places where there it most Danger, and thofe fatal Arts which are made use of to destroy the Heedlefs and Unwary. LYS ANDER, flain at a Puppet-show on the third of September. Thyrfis, fhot from a Cafement in Pickadilly. T.S. wounded by Zelinda's Scarlet Stocking, as the was ftepping out of a Coach. Will. Simple, fmitten at the Opera by the Glance of an Eye that was aimed at one who stood by him. Tho. Vainlove, loft his Life at a Ball. Tim. Tattle, kill'd by the Tap of a Fan on his left Shoulder by Coquetilla, as he was talking carelefly with her in a Bow-window. Sir Simon Softly, murder'd at the Play-house in Drury. lane by a Frown. Philander, mortally wounded by Cleora, as fhe was adjufting her Tucker. Ralph Gapely, Efq; hit by a random Shot at the Ring. F. R. |