Gluggity Glug. A JOLLY fat friar loved liquor good store, "Some rogue," quoth the friar, "quite dead to remorse, Some thief, whom a halter will throttle, Some scoundrel has cut off the head of my horse, While I was engaged at the bottle, Which went gluggity, gluggity-glug-glug-glug.' The tail of the steed pointed south on the dale, 'T was the friar's road home, straight and level; But, when spurred, a horse follows his nose, not his tail, So he scampered due north like a devil. "This new mode of docking," the friar then said, "I perceive does n't make a horse trot ill; "And 't is cheap, for he never can eat off his head While I am engaged at the bottle, Which goes gluggity, gluggity-glug-glug-glug." The steed made a stop-in a pond he had got, He was rather for drinking than grazing; Quoth the friar, ""T is strange headless horses should trot, But to drink with their tails is amazing!' Turning round to see whence this phenomenon rose, Quoth he, "The head 's found, for I 'm under his nose,― Which goes gluggity, gluggity-glug-glug--glug." GEORGE COLMAN. Here she Goes-and There she Goes. Two Yankee wags, one summer day, Supped, frolicked, late retired to rest, The breakfast over, Tom and Will Sent for the landlord and the bill; "What wonder? where?" "The clock! the clock! Tom and the landlord in amaze Stared at the clock with stupid gaze, And for a moment neither spoke; At last the landlord silence broke: "You mean the clock that 's ticking there? Though may be, if the truth were told, "Tom, do n't you recollect," said Will, "The clock in Jersey near the mill, The very image of this present, With which I won the wager pleasant?" Will ended with a knowing wink Tom scratched his head, and tried to think. "Sir, begging pardon for inquiring," The landlord said, with grin admiring, "What wager was it?" "You remember, It happened, Tom, in last December. In sport I bet a Jersey Blue To make his finger go and come In keeping with the pendulum, "Well, if I would, the deuce is in it!" Exclaimed the landlord; "try me yet, And fifty dollars be the bet." "Agreed, but we will play some trick To make you of the bargain sick!" "I'm up to that!" "Do n't make us wait; Begin, the clock is striking eight." "Hold," said the Yankee, "plank the ready!" The landlord wagged his fingers steady While his left hand, as well as able, Conveyed a purse upon the table. “Tom, with the money let's be off!" This made the landlord only scoff. He heard them running down the stair, His mother happened in, to see "Here she goes-and there she goes!" "Here! where ?"—the lady in surprise His finger followed with her eyes; "Son, why that steady gaze and sad? Those words that motion-are you mad? But here's your wife-perhaps she knows, And-" "Here she goes-and there she goes!" His wife surveyed him with alarm, While curled his very nose with ire, The "Here she goes—and there she goes!' "Lawks!" screamed the wife, "I'm in a whirl! Run down and bring the little girl; She is his darling, and who knows "Here she goes-and there she goes!" "Lawks! he is mad! What made him thus? For Doctor Brown, and Doctor Dun, The doctors came, and looked and wondered, "No-leeched, you mean," the other said— "Clap on a blister," roared another, "No-cup him "-"No-trepan him, brother!" A sixth would recommend a purge, The eighth, just come from a dissection, A certain cure for earthly ills; "I had a patient yesternight," Quoth he, "and wretched was her plight, "Here she goes-and there she goes!" "You all are fools," the lady said, "" Thanks, mother," thought her clever son, “You help the knaves that would have bit me, But all creation sha' n't outwit me!" Thus to himself, while to and fro His finger perseveres to go, And from his lips no accent flows But "Here she goes-and there she goes!" But we must do our best to save him So hold him, gemmen, while I shave him!" "A woman never-' “There she goes!" "A woman is no judge of physic, Not even when her baby is sick. He must be bled"-"No-no-a blister "A purge you mean "—“I say a clyster "No-cup him". -"leech him "—"pills! pills! pills! And all the house the uproar fills. |