Pour'd in Soliloquy the doleful note, Soft o'er the pit the drowsy murmur's float But O how alter'd was the wondering stare, A fool's-cap jingling on his crown, One stocking red, the other blue, Cried "dam'me, that's your sort," and knock'd old Squaretoes down ; Then strew'd the earth with broken crockery ware. The heroes of the upper gallery go And Bedlam shook his chains through every cell. Last came Pun, as Janus sturdy, He in zig-zag motion prancing; To the jews-harp his teeth address'd; Whose buzz ambiguous pleas'd his ear the best. They saw in village pool a goose, To her own hisses madly dancing. Scorning to be outdone by Folly, Shook nameless nothings from his quivʼring tongue. Vol. 1. O Comedy, thou fallen fair! Friend to pleasure, foe to care, Now common grown to half the town Where is thy former fair renown? Whene'er stage history records D Dost thou no fond remembrance feel: INTRODUCTORY. It is the avowed intention of the Editors of the ORDEAL to expose all systems which they think repugnant to true religion; the interests of which it is their determination to maintain. To effect which great national object they are ready to fight it to the last. Satire is now-adays, and to certain people, no longer a mirrour from which they may see the reflexion of their own faces; but a pane of window-glass, in which they can discover any other image than their own. It may be necessary to observe, that the communication which follows has a local application; let those who are concerned have wit enough to find it Our correspondent too, is one who is no flincher, he'll not budge an inch from the encounter." out. If any person offended with his remarks is inclined to oppose them, the pages of the ORDEAL, are open to his communications, whether they are keen or blunt, whether the arguments knock down like a sledge-hammer, or cut like a razor : Lay on Macduff, And sham'd be he that first cries hold, enough. MESSRS. EDITORS, I HAVE lately met with the following Proclamation, and as I wish to communicate some information on the subject to which it refers, I have subjoined a few observations, which I hope will meet the attention, which I think they deserve. COUNTER PROCLAMATION. "RATIONAL RELIGION, having been reposing at ease for many years on the bosom of her children, now informs her offspring, that she has been of late continually beset with her old enemies Superstition and Intolerance; that they have not only begun to undermine the foundation of her house, but are erecting a "Battery" for "christian warfare," the weapons of which are to be directed against her peace and happiness. This battery is already far advanced and Superstition and Intolerance, have not only gathered together all their children as soldiers for the garrison; but have issued proclamations tempting the children of Rational Religion to mutiny and desertion. She therefore feels herself necessitated to build up a fortification to protect her house, the guns of which are to be levelled by her eldest child Reason; she therefore notifies all her kindred to repair to her standard of liberal opinions, without delay, and she entertains no doubt of effectually neutralizing the efforts of her enemies, and checking their rapid progress in alienating the affections of her friends. (Signed) "RATIONAL RELIGION." This Counter Proclamation by Rational Religion, was promulgated a few weeks ago, and all her combatants are consulting upon measures of defence. The arrangements of the enemy are indeed formidable; they have already drilled into their service the host of Ganter, which formerly were wild and ungovernable, by adopting their manners and behaviour; so that the regular soldier of the Calvinistick corps is hardly to be distinguished either by his exercise or tacticks from the numerous hordes who have heretofore wandered about under the bewildered command of Inward Light. The various troops of heavy artillery commanded by Zeal of the Spirit, perform their evolutions, of groanings, violent eye-straining, sudden exclamation, and extravagant contortion, with uncommon rapidity and efficacy. The Hopkinsian phalanx, the determination, power, and hostility of which are almost irresistible, is linked closer and closer, their weapons are more firmly fixed in the rest, and more evidently projected. Though they go blindfolded into the combat, they act with great unanimity; sensible that the issue, whether victory or defeat, is fore-ordained by their general, they are happy to die for the glory of his service. They are confident that a few only of the soldiers can live after the battle, and are therefore ready to oppose their front to every danger. The light cavalry, under the conduct of Inspiration and Special Grace, who by the way are mounted on jack-asses, which indicates the obstinacy of their courage, have come into the field in excellent discipline and spirits. They have lately adopted the old fashioned armour of Hypocrisy, although they pretend their system is conformable to that of the reformed troops established many years ago. When they enter into an engagement, as they are decided enemies to instrumental musick, they set up a braying and snuffling in conjunction with the asses on which they are mounted; they then divide into concerns, calls, and experiences, which are evolutions preparatory to what they esteem. complete victory, or hopeful conversion; then they rush into combat, shutting their eyes like their fellow soldiers in the Hopkinsian phalanx, as they consider their sight will bewilder them in morasses, and that all their manœuvres are predestined. They are direful opponents, for they imagine their enemies are monsters by nature, and incapable of good deeds, and themselves, after practising the evolutions above mentioned, are necessarily victors. They are intolerant disciplinarians have cashiered Charity and Good works, two most excellent officers, and promoted Fanatacism and Spiritual Influence to their stations. The garrison in the battery are well supplied with ordnance and stores; Faith deals out provisions to them, and Eternal Damnation is prepared with his slow and ever burning match to apply to the great guns. They have collected a number of recruits, who are to be exercised every week in the peculiar evolutions, marches and countermarches of the garrison; and once, every five years, (for the war is to be perpetual though they always talk of peace,) they undergo a regular review, immediately commanded by Intolerance. If the recruits should be found deficient in the handling of any weapon or the performing of any evolution, he is either to be dismissed from the garrison, or to undergo the punishment which they have prepared for their enemies. This is no other than a sort of cauldron of burning bitumen, Greek fire and brimstone, of which they have found out the secret manufacture, and on which their prisoners will burn and be tormented without being killed as long as the war lasts. The care of this cauldron is confided to Satan, under whose command they imagine their enemies to be secretly enlisted; but whose person they have overcome and confined in their own service. After holding forth to their defective recruits and trying to lead them along by means of Incomprehensibility, who has a wonderful influence, as the chaplain of the camp; and endeavouring to show them the necessity of their abstracting themselves from matter and renouncing all concerns which have not immediate relation to the garrison; should they prove refractory they turn them over to Satan and the servants who wait upon him. For their good soldiers, they have fountains of dirty water constantly flowing, in which they are allowed to bathe, after they are pronounced by the doctor to be clean purged from all influence, which their enemies might be supposed to have over them; to be freed from all relationship or affinity to them, and, as it were, to be born again through the instrumentality of Grace and Special Interposition, who are the parents of the re-organized corps. After they have passed their review, they go into these fountains; from which, though they in fact come out dirtier than they went in, their eyes being out, they are in } sensible to the circumstance; and perhaps their other senses grow imperfect in consequence of their eyes being blinded; since they imagine the dirt which adheres to them to be so much sweetness both to the. taste and smell." Thus appointed and equipped are the armies of Intolerance and Superstition; and their array so formidable as almost to daunt the stoutest soldiers in the squadrons of Rational Religion. But they love their Queen, and are not governed by the influence of fear, like the soldiers of Intolerance; they are naturally brave and fearless, they fight with their eyes open. They have unanimously chosen Charity and Good Works,the excluded officers of the enemy, to important commands; they do not shrink from the encounter. "Thin though their ranks though scanty be their bands, Bold are their hearts and nervous are their hands." Their chaplains, Investigation and Controversy, promise to give information from time to time of the extent of the enemy's forces, the nature of his preparations and the probabilities of the encounter. When I hear from them again, you shall again hear from A LOOKER-on. ABSURDITIES. THE poetry of Darwin, Southey, Della Crusca, and their whole train of copyists, has been most successfully ridiculed by Mr. Gifford, Mr. Canning and other criticks, who undertook, about ten years ago, to wield the weapons of satire, against all those notions of affected sensibility in morals and visionary systems in the laws of nature, which the above mentioned writers aimed to inculcate. Since their literary dissolution, Mr. Wordsworth has attracted a crowd of admirers for some metrical peculiarities and childish conceits. Yet he has such an evidence of better understanding amidst all his silliness, as induces the belief of his willingness to establish a ridiculous taste, not because he supposed it accurate, but to gratify some favourite propensity or whim. The writings of Dr. Darwin and Mr. Southey contained such plausible and fascinating diction, that their absurdities could be best exposed by Parody; but in order to show the defects of Mr. Wordsworth, it is only necessary to separate them from the beauties with which they are frequently accompanied, and the reader will be astonished, that his admiration for the author had ever been excited. As Mr.'s Wordsworth's poetry has been the theme of panegyrick in the politer circles in America, and as the taste of the boarding-school miss may ⠀ easily be perverted by the perusal of the whole of the gentleman's com‐ « positons, we think we render some service to the publick, when we produce some of his peculiarities as subjects of reprobation. The fol-: lowing extracts are from his POEMS.' His Lyrical Ballads we may take another occasion to examine. 1 |