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SHIPWRECK BY DRINK.

From Heywood's English Traveller.

THIS gentleman and I

Pass'd but just now by your next neighbour's house,
Where, as they say, dwells one young Lionel,
An unthrift youth; his father now at sea:—
And there this night was held a sumptuous feast.
In the height of their carousing, all their brains
Warm'd with the heat of wine, discourse was of-
fer'd

Of ships and storms at sea; when suddenly,
Out of his giddy wildness, one conceives
The room wherein they quaff'd to be a pinnace
Moving and floating, and the confus'd noise
To be the murmuring winds, gusts, mariners;
That their unsteadfast footing did proceed
From rocking of the vessel. This conceiv'd,
Each one begins to apprehend the danger,
And to look out for safety. Fly, saith one,
Up to the main-top, and discover. He
Climbs by the bed-post to the tester, there
Reports a turbulent sea and tempest towards;
And wills them, if they'll save their ship and lives,
To cast their lading over-board. At this
All fall to work, and hoist into the street,
As to the sea, what next came to their hand,
Stools, tables, tressels, trenches, bedsteads, cups,
Pots, plate, and glasses. Here a fellow whistles;
They take him for the boatswain: one lies strug-
gling

Upon the floor, as if he swam for life:
A third takes the bass-viol for the cock-boat,
Sits in the belly on't, labours, and rows;

382

His oar the stick with which the fiddler play'd: A fourth bestrides his fellow, thinking to 'scape (As did Arion) on the dolphin's back,

Still fumbling on a gittern.-The rude multitude, Watching without, and gaping for the spoil

Cast from the windows, went by th' ears about it; The constable is call'd t' atone the broil;

Which done, and hearing such a noise within Of imminent shipwreck, enters the house, and finds them

In this confusion: they adore his staff,

And think it Neptune's trident; and that he Comes with his Tritons (so they call'd his watch) To calm the tempest, and appease the waves; And at this point we left them.

CROSS READINGS IN VERSE.

N.B.-Every line in this piece is taken from standard poetical writers, and each read separately makes good sense; the humour lies in the combination.

THE flow'ry May now from her green lap throws-
Cato's long wig, flower'd gown, and lacquer'd
chair-

With Scythians expert in darts and bows→→
A satire next, and then a bill of fare.

Starting and shiv'ring in th' inconstant wind-
The weary world lies sunk in soft repose-
And shuts the gates of mercy on mankind-
And sometimes gallops o'er a Courtier's nose.

The sun himself, with gloomy clouds opprest-
Renounces four legs, and starts up on two-

'Twas then his threshold first receiv'd a guestWho stays on shore, and toys with Sall and Sue.

Each feather'd warbler tunes his various layTransform'd to combs the speckled and the white

Long as the night to her whose love's away-
On spacious wings with sundry colours dight.

Like some fair flow'r the early spring supplies-
Satan himself will toll the parish bell-
Where in a box the whole creation lies-
By much too wise to walk into a well.

So have I seen on some bright summer's dayThe vulgar boil, the learned roast an eggWhere rougher climes a nobler race display— A dedication is a wooden leg.

On some fond breast the parting soul reliesBrushing with hasty steps the dews awayWith waddling gait, and voice like London criesNor stops for one bad cork his butler's pay.

Full many a flower is born to blush unseen-
For thunder mars small beer, and weak dis-

course

And hurls the vengeance of the laws on gin-
To prove, like Hudibras, a man's no horse.

But now the clouds in airy tumult fly

Their teeth will be no whiter than beforeWhile England lives, their fame can never die— For still new Harlequins remain in store.

Forthwith the huge portcullis high updrew—
In shape no bigger than an agate stone-

384

THE COMMON-PLACE BOOK.

Whose feet came wand'ring o'er the nightly dew And boldly fought to save the British throne.

Th' applause of list'ning senates to command-
Let me extol a cat on oysters fed-
His wig all powder, and all snuff his band-
O'er the dark trees a yellower verdure shed.

Now Night in vestments robed of deepest dyeWith new-born Day had gladden'd mortal sightTo whom Ulysses with a pleasing eye

With head advanc'd, and pinions stretch'd for flight:

Ah! think, thou favour'd of the powers divine
On the forefinger of an alderman-

To grace thy manes, and adorn thy shrine-
And pierce aloft in air the soaring swan.

Friendship! mysterious cement of the soul !-
Arm'd with a pudding that might please a
Dean-

Scours wild along, disdaining all controul-
And murders fops by whom she ne'er was seen.

So when a lion shakes his dreadful maue-
From low St James's up to high St Paul-
Those stars that grace the wide celestial plain-
For very want can never build a wall.

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THE END.

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