We grant, altho' he had much wit,
He was very shy of using it,
As being loth to wear it out,
And therefore bore it not about,
Unless on holidays or so,
As men their best apparel do.
Besides, 'tis known he could speak Greek
As naturally as pigs squeak,
That Latin was no more difficile
Than to a blackbird 'tis to whistle:
Being rich in both, he never scanted
His bounty unto such as wanted,
But much of either would afford
To many that had not one word.
He was in logic a great critic,
Profoundly skilled in analytic.
He could distinguish and divide
A hair 'twixt south and south-west side:
On either which he could dispute,
Confute, change hands, and still confute.
He'd undertake to prove, by force
Of argument, a man's no horse;
He'd prove a buzzard-is no fowl,
And that a lord may be-an owl;
A calf-an alderman; a goose-a justice;
And rooks-committee-men and trustees.1
He'd run in debt by disputation,
And pay with ratiocination.
All this by syllogism, true
In mood and figure, he would do.
For rhetoric-he could not ope
His mouth but out there flew a trope.
And when he happen'd to break off
I' the middle of his speech, or cough,
He had hard words ready to show why,
And tell what rules he did it by;
Else, when with greatest art he spoke,
You'd think he talked like other folk;
For all a rhetorician's rules
Teach nothing but to name his tools.
1 Members of the committees for conducting the sequestrations or receiving the compositions of the vanquished royalists. Trustees appointed to the trust-charge of crown, church, or other lands, seized by the republican government.-See Scott's Woodstock.
But, when he pleased to show't, his speech,
In loftiness of sound was rich;
A Babylonish1 dialect,
Which learned pedants much affect.
It was a parti-colour'd dress
Of patched and piebald languages.
"Twas English cut on Greek and Latin,
As fustian heretofore on satin.
It had an odd promiscuous tone,
As if he had talked three parts in one.
Which made some think when he did gabble
They had heard three labourers of Babel,
Or Cerberus himself pronounce
A leash of languages at once.
HIS SWORD AND DAGGER.
His puissant sword unto his side
Near his undaunted heart was tied,
With basket hilt that would hold broth,
And serve for fight and dinner both.
In it he melted lead for bullets
To shoot at foes, and sometimes pullets,
To whom he bore so fell a grutch,
He ne'er gave quarter to any such.
The trenchant blade, Toledo trusty,
For want of fighting was grown rusty,
And ate into itself, for lack
Of somebody to hew and hack.
The peaceful scabbard, where it dwelt,
The rancour of its edge had felt;
For of the lower end two handful
It had devour'd, it was so manful;
And so much scorned to lurk in case,
As if it durst not show its face.
This sword a dagger had, his page,
That was but little for his age,
And therefore waited on him so
As dwarfs upon knight-errants do.
It was a serviceable dudgeon,
Either for fighting or for drudging.
When it had stabbed or broke a head,
It would scrape trenchers or chip bread,
Toast cheese or bacon, tho' it were
To bait a mouse-trap 'twould not care;
"Twould make clean shoes, and in the earth
Set leeks and onions, and so forth:
Babylonish dresses were distinguished by variety and glitter of ornament.-See Sil, Ital. xiv. 657.
It had been 'prentice to a brewer,1
Where this and more it did endure;
But left the trade, as many more
Have lately done on the same score.
MODERN WARFARE SATIRIZED.
"Tis true, our modern way of war
Is grown more politic by far,
But not so resolute and bold,
Nor tied to honour as the old.
For now they laugh at giving battle,
Unless it be to herds of cattle,
Or fighting convoys of provision,
The whole design o' th' expedition;
And not with downright blows to rout
The enemy, but eat them out.
As fighting, in all beasts of prey,
And eating, are performed one way;
To give defiance to their teeth,
And fight their stubborn guts to death.
And those achieve the highest renown
That bring the others' stomach down.
There's now no fear of wounds nor maiming;
All dangers are reduced to famine:
And feats of arms, to plot, design,
Surprise, and stratagem, and mine;
But have no need nor use for courage,
Unless it be for glory, or forage:
For if they fight, 'tis but by chance,
When one side venturing to advance,
And come uncivilly too near,
Are charg'd unmercifully i' th' rear;
And forced with terrible resistance
To keep hereafter at a distance,
To pick out ground t'encamp upon,
Where store of largest rivers run,
That serve instead of peaceful barriers
To part th' engagements of their warriors;
Where both from side to side may skip,
And only encounter at bo-peep.
For men are found the stouter hearted
The certainer they're to be parted;
And therefore post themselves in bogs,
1 Alluding to Cromwell, who was a member of the corporation of brewers in his native town, Huntingdon. This circumstance formed a favourite subject of merriment with the cavaliers. Sir Samuel Luke (if Hudibras be intended for his portrait) was an officer in Cromwell's army; hence the dagger "had been 'prentice to a brewer."
2 The synalpha, an ornament in Milton and Chaucer, is often harsh and rugged in Butler, Cowley, and the metaphysical poets from Donne downwards.
As th' ancient mice attacked the frogs;1
And made their mortal enemy,
The water-rat, their strict ally.
For 'tis not now, who's stout and bold?
But who bears hunger best and cold?
And he's approved the most deserving
Who longest can hold out at starving:
And he that routs most pigs and cows, is
The formidablest man of prowess.
So the Emperor Caligula,
That triumphed o'er the British Sea,
Took crabs and oysters prisoners,
And lobsters, 'stead of cuirassiers;
Engaged his legions in fierce bustles
With periwinkles, prawns, and muscles;
And led his troops with furious gallops
To charge whole regiments of scallops,
Not like their ancient way of war,
To wait on his triumphal car;
But when he went to dine or sup,
More bravely ate his captives up;
And left all war, by his example,
Reduced to victualling a camp well.
EXTRACT FROM THE SATIRE ON THE WEAKNESS AND MISERY OF
Who would believe that wicked earth,
Where nature only brings us forth
To be found guilty and forgiven,
Should be a nursery for heaven,
When all we can expect to do
Will not pay half the debt we owe,
And yet more desperately dare,
As if that wretched trifle were
Too much for the eternal powers,
Our great and mighty creditors,
Not only slight what they enjoin,
But pay it in adulterate coin?
We only in their mercy trust,
To be more wicked and unjust:
All our devotions, vows, and prayers,
1 Homer's Frog and Mouse War. " Water-rat," the Dutch. See Suetonius, Calig. 46. "In this composition the reader will have the pleasure of viewing Butler in a light in which he has not hitherto appeared. Everything almost that he has wrote is
an arch and droll humour. In this he is serious and severe." The "Remains," among many subjects of a more general nature, range over a wide sphere of satire of the follies, opinions, literature, &c. of Butler's age.
Are our own interest, not theirs :
Our offerings when we come t'adore,
But begging presents, nothing more:
The purest business of our zeal
Is but to err by meaning well,
And make that meaning do more harm,
Than our worst deeds that are less warm:
For the most wretched and perverse
Does not believe himself he errs.
Our pains are real things, and all
Our pleasures but fantastical;
Diseases of their own accord,
But cures come difficult and hard.
Our noblest piles and stateliest rooms
Are but out-houses to our tombs:
Cities, though e'er so great and brave,
But mere warehouses to the grave.
Our bravery's but a vain disguise
To hide us from the world's dull eyes,
The remedy of a defect,
With which our nakedness is deck'd;
Yet makes us swell with pride, and boast
As if we had gained by being lost.
That wealth, that bounteous Fortune sends,
As presents to her dearest friends,
Is oft laid out upon the purchase
Of two yards long in parish churches;
And those too happy men that bought it,
Had lived, and happier too, without it.
For what does vast wealth bring, but cheat,
Law, luxury, disease, and debt,
Pain, pleasure, discontent, and sport,
An easy-troubled life, and short?
Who doth not know with what fierce rage
Opinions true or false engage?
And, 'cause they govern all mankind,
Like the blind's leading of the blind,
All claim an equal interest,
And free dominion o'er the rest.
And, as one shield1 that fell from heaven
Was counterfeited by eleven,
The Ancile of Numa. To prevent the theft of this Palladium, the king ordered eleven others to be made exactly similar to it, and deposited with it in the temple of Mars under the charge of the Salii. Ovid, Fast. iii. 376-398.-Adam's Rom. Antiq. (Boyd), pp. 226,
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