DIALOGUES.

CHAPTER CI.

ON GAMING.

MR. AND MRS. KEPPEL.

SCENE I.

Mr. Keppel. WHAT a wretched man am I! I

I had harkened to my wife. I have not only loft my money, but every thing else. I defpised the counsel of the most amiable of women. What a fool !

?

Mrs. Keppel. My dear friend, who has offended you Mr. Kep No one, but myself. I am the most impru dent man on earth. I wish I had followed your advice. Mrs. Kep. Have you then loft the reft of the money? Mr. Kep. Yes, every farthing. I never had fuch ill luck.

Mrs. Kep. Chance governs the game. pected. I am not difappointed in the least, Mr. Kep. I am utterly undone.

It was to be ex

Mrs. Kep. No, my friend, utterly undone, no; my af fection to you is the fame as ever.

Mr. Kep. That is no comfort to me, fince I must have made you wretched.

Mrs Kep. Made me wretched! I value not the lofs of your money. It was no great fum. You may raife twice as much on the mortgage of the house, and regain wḥat you have loft.

Mr. Kep. The houfe, my dear friend, is already mortgaged and loft.

Mrs Kep. There is the fhop and all the goods in it. Mr. Kep. They are mortgaged alfo, and all the money

railed on them is loft.

Mrs. Kep The moveables, the furniture of the house, you might raife fomething on them.

Mr. Kep. My amiable friend, I may as well let you know the worst as not. I have mortgaged all the furni

ture, carriages, horfes, and indeed every thing; and the money raised on them is lost.

Mrs. Kep. Well, what if it be fo? I can work for my living. I care not for it. But you must be miferable. What, cannot I think of fome way to redeem what is loft? are you fure it was owing to ill luck?

Mr. Kep. We may as well refign ourselves to our fate But I know I can play a good game.

and die.

Mrs. Kep Then fee, I have a little box of jewels, giv en me by my aunt Van Ruffel; it is worth a large fum. This you could not mortgage, for it was not your property.

Mr. Kep. But I fhall not touch that. It is enough that I am a fool. I will not alfo be a villain, and spend the Jaft part of my wife's property.

Mrs. Kep. But you need have no fcruple when I give it to you. (She goes out to bring the box)

MR. KEPPEL AND MISS ABERKINS.

Mifs Leer. It is no matter of my particular concern, I cannot bear your conduct to my fifter.

ance.

Mr. Kep. If the be contented, what is it to you? Mifs Leer. You treat my fifter il beyond all fufferYou leave her alone thefe long winter evenings, that you may spend your time in taverns, and gaming houfes. The whole care of the family refts on my filter; and you are even a stranger in your own house.

Mr. Kep. If my wife be fatisfied, what business of yours is it, that you should lecture me on the occafion › Mifs Leer. My fifter is indeed a fool. She has not the spirit of a women of fenfe in her, or fhe would manage otherwife than fhe does.

Mr. Kep. What would you do were you in her cafe? Mifs Leer. Inftead of cooking you up with all manner of good things, when you come home from your midnight cabals, I would lay your whole conduct before you. I would fing you fuch a fong of your crimes, that you fhould go to fleep, if you flept at all, with a fling in your

heart.

Mr. Kep. I advife you if you do ever marry, (and I doubt much if you ever will) to marry fome person who

never wishes to fleep, for I am perfuaded your tongue must be a mortal enemy to repofe.

Mijs Leer. 1 would not bear with you as my fifter does. I would not difcover the leaft degree of good nature towards you; and I would let you know that I never would, till fuch time as you would reform.

Mr. Kep. Suppofe you wanted cuftomers in your fhop, would you fet a dog on the first perfon who entered the fhop door?

Mifs Leer. No, for that would drive them all away. Mr. Kep You would gain as little by fcolding at a huf band for staying out late.

Mifs Leer. Then you might go and shift for yourself, if you pleased. I would not concern myself for you in the leaft, and account myself happy that I was rid of you.

Mr. Kep. If you were fond of me you could not do that. Mifs Leer. Do you think that I should care for fuch a wretch as you? who could not do that?

Mr. Kep. It would make you heart ache, my dear, and you could not bear it.

Mifs Leer. Make my heart ache! a fiddlestick. My heart would never ache for fuch a wretch as you. I al. most wish you were my husband, that you might fee how I would manage you.

Mr. Kep. I have no thought of wifhing you to be my wife at any rate; and mind this, that fingle women always know how to rule their husbands well; but they fail a little in two points; either they never get husbands, or elfe lofe the faculty of ruling them the moment they are married. (Mifs Leerkins goes away.)

(Mrs. Keppel enters with the box.) Mrs. Kep. Here, my dear, take thefe, and may you be more fortunate than before.

Mr. Kep. No, my dear wife; no, it is yours; do not let me ruin you; no. I cannot accept it.

Mrs. Kep. I value it not, take it and do your best; I give it to you, it is now yours.

Mr. Kep. The kindest and most amiable woman in the world.

SCENE-III.

MISS LEERKINS AND MRS. KEPPEL.

Mifs Leer. Sifter, I am afhamed of you. out of all fenfe and reafon.

You behave

Mrs Kep. Why fo?

Mifs Leer. You know that your husband has spent all his own eftate, and yours, and he treats you with the most fhameful negle&. And yet you place confidence in him, and have given him the laft remains of your fortune. Are you not very foolith?

Mrs. Kep. Perhaps not; but if I be, how can I help it?

Mifs Leer How can you help it? You are a difgrace to your fex! There is no fpirit in you; and let him treat you as he will, you are all patience, and dare not refent it. I would give him a good lecture upon the subject, such as be never would wish to hear again.

Mrs. Kep. What? then you would never fee him again.

Mifs Leer. I should esteem it a happy riddance So much the better. I would have the whole houfe to myfelf, and do what I pleased in it. That would not frighten

me at all.

Mrs. Kep. You know nothing about it.

Mijs Leer. I know nothing about it! I know that a bad husband is worfe than none. I will have a good one, or none. What makes you think that I know nothing about it?

Mrs. Kep. I will not tell you.

Mifs Leer. What? that is kind to be fure. Not tell your fifter? But you fhall tell me what is the reafon I do not know.

Mrs. Kep. Pofitively I will not tell you; wait till you have a husband of whom you are fond, who yet has fome vices, as I suppose they all have, and then you will know.

Mifs Leer.

you.

You treat me fo ill, I will not talk with (Exeuent.)

SCENE-IV.

MR. AND MRS. KEPPEL.

Mr. Kep. Oh my stars! what a wretch! I am ruined, there is no help for me.

Mrs. Kep. My friend, what is the matter?

Mr. Kep. Let me alone, I am ruined.

Mrs Kep. Not unless you are unkind to your wife.

Mr. Kep. O my dear, my wife, I will not be unkind: but I am diftracted; I am certainly undone, I have loft all the money I had railed from your box of jewels. O. that I could die with innocence! then I fhould be glad to

die.

Mrs. Kep What, die because you have loft your mon. ey! fie, my husband, fie upon it!

Mr. Kep. I have now loft every thing, and have completely ruined you, as well as myfelf; we are as poor as the pooreft beggars: My dear, were it not that I would live as a mere fervant to you I should wish to die.

Mrs. Kep Do you not recollect that when my mother oppofed our marriage, you told me, in one of your ardent raptures, nay, you folemnly declared, that you could be happy even in the meaneft cottage, and to live by the hardest labor, if you could only live with me-I laid that up in my heart.

my

Mr. Kep. That was not the effect of rapture. It was ferious fentiments; and I think so now.

Mrs. Kep. Then we have loft nothing; only leave gaming, and we shall be happy.

Mr. Kep. Leave gaming! I deteft it. I perfectly ab, hor it. I will bind myself by the most folemn engage ment, never to touch a card again. Mrs. Kep. Can you keep your refolution? Mr. Kep. I am fure that I can.

Mrs. Kep. 1 hen only quit gaming houfes and live reputable with me, I will maintain you and myfelf. I un derstand many little handy matters. If my work fells cheap, I will work the more, and I am fure I can maintain. us both.

Mr. Kep. Excellent woman! your excellence exceeds all the power of language to exprefs it; I am confound. ed. But the icea of your virtues gives me the keeneft pain, while I think I have made you wretched.

(Mr. Leerkin enters with a box ; to him Mrs. Keppel fpeaks.)

Mrs. Kep. Brother you promifed me for the forty pounds I lent you yesterday to let me have all your winnings at cards for three days. This, Sir, (introducing her brother to Mr. Keppel) is my brother, yesterday from the Eaft Indies.

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