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But fill their purse, our poets' work is done,
Alike to them, by pathos or by pun.

O you! whom Vanity's light bark conveys
On Fame's mad voyage by the wind of praise,
With what a shifting gale your course you ply,
For ever sunk too low, or borne too high!
Who pants for glory finds but short repose,
A breath revives him, or a breath o'erthrows.
Farewell the stage! if just as thrives the play,
The silly bard grows fat, or falls away.

There still remains, to mortify a wit,

The many-headed monster of the pit;




A senseless, worthless, and unhonour'd crowd;
Who, to disturb their betters mighty proud,
Clattering their sticks before ten lines are spoke,
Call for the farce, the bear, or the black-joke.
What dear delight to Britons farce affords !
Ever the taste of mobs, but now of lords;
(Taste, that eternal wanderer, which flies


From heads to ears, and now from ears to eyes).
The play stands still; damn action and discourse,
Back fly the scenes, and enter foot and horse;
Pageants on pageants, in long order drawn,
Peers, heralds, bishops, ermine, gold and lawn;
The champion, too! and to complete the jest,


Old Edward's armour beams on Cibber's breast.21
With laughter sure Democritus had died,
Had he beheld an audience gape so wide.
Let bear or elephant be e'er so white,


The people, sure, the people are the sight!

Ah, luckless poet! stretch thy lungs and roar,
That bear or elephant shall heed thee more;
While all its throats the gallery extends,
And all the thunder of the pit ascends!
Loud as the wolves, on Orcas' stormy steep,22
Howl to the roarings of the Northern deep.


21 The coronation of Henry VIII. and Queen Anne Boleyn, in which the playhouses vied with each other to represent all the pomp of a coronation. In this noble contention, the armour of one of the kings of England was borrowed from the Tower to dress the champion.

22 The furthest northern promontory of Scotland, opposite the Orcades.

Such is the shout, the long-applauding note,
At Quin's high plume, or Oldfield's petticoat;
Or when from court a birthday suit bestow'd,
Sinks the lost actor in the tawdry load.

Booth enters-hark! the universal peal!

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But has he spoken?" Not a syllable.


What shook the stage, and made the people stare?

Cato's long wig, flower'd gown, and lacquer'd chair.
Yet lest you think I rally more than teach,
Or praise malignly arts I cannot reach,
Let me for once presume to instruct the times,
To know the poet from the man of rhymes:
'Tis he who gives my breast a thousand pains,
Can make me feel each passion that he feigns;
Enrage, compose, with more than magic art,
With pity, and with terror, tear my heart;
And snatch me, o'er the earth, or through the air,



To Thebes, to Athens, when he will, and where.
But not this part of the poetic state

Alone, deserves the favour of the great:
Think of those authors, sir, who would rely


More on a reader's sense, than gazer's eye.

Or who shall wander where the Muses sing?

Who climb their mountain, or who taste their spring?
How shall we fill a library with wit,23


My liege! why writers little claim your thought, guess; and, with their leave, will tell the fault:

When Merlin's cave is half unfurnish'd yet?24


We poets are (upon a poet's word)

Of all mankind, the creatures most absurd:

28 Munus Apolline dignum. The Palatine library then building by Augustus.

24 A building in the royal gardens of Richmond, where is a small but choice collection of books.

[The collection was made by Queen Caroline, who appointed Stephen Duck, the thresher poet, librarian, besides advancing the sale of his works. and otherwise benefiting the poor rhymester. Hence Swift's Epigram, beginning,

"The thresher Duck could o'er the queen prevail,

The proverb says, no fence against a flail.

From threshing corn he turns to threshing brains,
For which her Majesty allows him grains."

For Stephen Duck, see next Epistle, verse 140.]

The season, when to come, and when to go,
To sing, or cease to sing, we never know;


And if we will recite nine hours in ten,
You lose your patience just like other men.
Then, too, we hurt ourselves, when to defend
A single verse, we quarrel with a friend;
Repeat unask'd; lament, the wit's too fine
For vulgar eyes, and point out every line.




But most, when straining with too weak a wing,

We needs will write epistles to the king;


And from the moment we oblige the town,
Expect a place, or pension from the crown;
Or dubb'd historians by express command,
To enrol your triumphs o'er the seas and land,
Be call'd to Court to plan some work divine,
As once for Louis, Boileau and Racine.


Yet think, great sir! (so many virtues shown) Ah think, what poet best may make them known?

Or choose, at least, some minister of grace,
Fit to bestow the laureate's weighty place.

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Charles, to late times to be transmitted fair,


Assign'd his figure to Bernini's care;

And great Nassau to Kneller's hand decreed

To fix him graceful on the bounding steed;

So well in paint and stone they judged of merit ;

But kings in wit may want discerning spirit.
The hero William, and the martyr Charles,

One knighted Blackmore, and one pension'd Quarles; 25


25 [Quarles held a small sinecure place in the court of James I., but there s no record of his being pensioned by Charles, in support of whose cause he lost his property, books, &c., by which his death (1644) was supposed to be hastened. There may have been some instance of royal favour shown to Quarles which made "Old Ben" swear over his cups; and Dennis was an habitual gambler.]

Which made old Ben, and surly Dennis swear, "No Lord's anointed, but a Russian bear."

Not with such majesty, such bold relief,
The forms august of king, or conqu'ring chief,
E'er swell'd on marble, as in verse have shined
(In polish'd verse) the manners and the mind.
Oh! could I mount on the Mæonian wing,
Your arms, your actions, your repose to sing!
What seas you traversed, and what fields you fought!
Your country's peace, how oft, how dearly bought!
How barb'rous rage subsided at your word,



And nations wonder'd, while they dropp'd the sword!
How, when you nodded, o'er the land and deep,


Peace stole her wing, and wrapp'd the world in sleep;

Till earth's extremes your mediation own,

And Asia's tyrants tremble at your throne.
But verse, alas! your Majesty disdains ;
And I'm not used to panegyric strains:
The zeal of fools offends at any time,

But most of all the zeal of fools in rhyme.
Besides, a fate attends on all I write,
That when I aim at praise, they say I bite.
A vile encomium doubly ridicules:
There's nothing blackens like the ink of fools.
If true, a woeful likeness; and if lies,
"Praise undeserved is scandal in disguise:"
Well may he blush, who gives it, or receives;
And when I flatter, let my dirty leaves
(Like journals, odes, and such forgotten things
As Eusden, Philips, Settle, writ of kings)
Clothe spice, line trunks, or flutt'ring in a row,
Befringe the rails of Bedlam and Soho.




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