10 SHIP AHOY!-SHALL WE BOARD HER? rate wallop we baith gaed tapsalteerie-frae ae sliddery ledge to anither-till, wi' accelerated velocity, like twa stanes, increasin accordin to the squares o' the distances, we played plunge like porpusses into the sea, a thousan' fadom deep— and hoo I gat rid o' the briny Beastliness nae man kens till this day; for there was I sittin in the cave, chitterin like a drookit cock, and nae Mermaid to be seen or heard; although, wad ᎩᎾ believe me, the cave had the smell o' crabs, and labsters, and oysters, and skate, and fish in general, aneuch to turn the stamach o' a whale or a sea-lion. Tickler. Ship ahoy!-Let us change our position, James. Shall we board the Steamer? Shepherd. Only look at the waves, hoo they gang welterin frae her prow and sides, and widen in her wake for miles aff! Gin we venture ony nearer, we'll never wear breeks mair. Mercy on us! she's bearin doun upon us. Let us soom fast, and passing across her bows, we shall bear up to windward out o' a' the commotion.-Captain Bain! Captain Bain! it's me and Mr Tickler, takin a soom for an appeteet-stop the ingine till we get past the bowsprit. Tickler. Heavens! James, what a bevy of ladies on deck. Let us dive. Shepherd. You may dive-for you swim improperly high; but as for me, I seem in the water to be a mere Head, like a cherub on a church. A boat, captain-a boat! Tickler. James, you aren't mad, sure? Who ever boarded a steamer in our plight? There will be fainting from stem to stern, in cabin and steerage. Shepherd. I ken that leddy in the straw-bannet and green veil, and ruby sarsnet, wi' the glass at her ee. Ye hoMiss Tickler. James-remember how exceedingly delicate a thing is a young lady's reputation. See, she turns away in confusion. Shepherd. Captain, I say, what news frae London? Captain Bain (through a speaking-trumpet). Lord Wellington's amendment on the bonding clause in the corn bill again carried against Ministers by 133 to 122.1 Sixty-six shillings! 1 The Duke of Wellington's amendment on the Ministerial measure was, that "no foreign grain in bond shall be taken out of bond until the average price of corn shall have reached 66s."-See Alison's History of Europe from 1815 to 1852, vol. iv. p. 110; also Annual Register, 1827, p. 147. Tickler. What says your friend M'Culloch to that, Captain ? Shepherd. Wha cares a bodle about corn bills in our situation? What's the Captain routin about noo, out o' his speakintrumpet? But he may just as weel haud his tongue, for I never understand ae word out o' the mouth o' a trumpet. Tickler. He says, the general opinion in London is, that the Administration will stand-that Canning and Brougham Shepherd. Canning and Brougham, indeed! Do you think, sir, if Canning and Brougham had been soomin in the sea, and that Canning had taen the cramp in the cauf o' his richt leg, as you either did, or said you did, a short while sin' syne, that Brougham wad hae safed him as I safed you? Faith, no he indeed! Hairy wad hae thocht naething o' watchin till George showed the croon o' his head aboon water, and then hittin him on the temples. Tickler. No, no, James. They would mutually risk lives for each other's sake. But no politics at present, we're getting into the swell, and will have our work to do to beat back into smooth water. James, that was a facer. Shepherd. Dog on it, ane wad need to be a sea-maw, or kittywake, or stormy petrel, or some ither ane o' Bewick's birdsTickler. Keep your mouth shut, James, till we're out of the swell. Shepherd. Em-hem―umph-humph-whoo-whoo whurr-whurr-herrachvacherach. Tickler. Whsy-whsy-whsy-whugh-whugh-shugh— shugh-prugh-ptsugh-prgugh. Shepherd. It's lang sin' I've drank sae muckle saut water at ae sittin—at ae soomin, I mean-as I hae dune, sir, sin' that Steamboat gaed by. She does indeed kick up a deevil o' a rumpus. Tickler. Whoo-whoo-whoof-whroo-whroo-whroof— proof-ptroof-sprtf! Shepherd. Ae thing I maun tell you, sir, and that's, gin you tak the cramp the noo, you maunna expeck ony assistance frae me-no, gin you were my ain faither. This bates a' the swalls! Confoun' the James Watt, quoth I. Tickler. Nay, nay, James. She is worthy of her name—and a better seaman than Captain Bain never boxed the compass. He never comes below, except at meal-times, and a pleasanter person cannot be at the foot of the table. All night long he is on deck, looking out for squalls. Shepherd. I declare to you, sir, that just noo, in the trough o' the sea, I didna see the top o' the Steamer's chimley. See, Mr Tickler-see, Mr Tickler-only look here-only look here -HERE'S BRONTE! MR NORTH'S GREAT NEWFUNLAN' BRONTE ! Tickler. Capital-capital. He has been paying his father a visit at the gallant Admiral's,' and come across our steps on the sands. Shepherd. Puir fallow-gran' fallow-did ye think we was droonin? Bronte. Bow-bow-bow-bow, wow, wow-bow, wow, WOW. Tickler. His oratory is like that of Bristol Hunt versus Sir Thomas Lethbridge.2 Shepherd. Sir, you're tired, sir. You had better tak haud o' his tail. Tickler. No bad idea, James. round his neck. There we go. strong as a rhinoceros ! But let me just put one arm Bronte, my boy, you swim Bronte. Bow, wow, wow-bow, wow, wow. Tickler. Why, I think, James, he speaks uncommonly well. Few of our Scotch members speak better. He might lead the Opposition. Shepherd. What for will ye aye be introducin politics, sir? But, really, I hae fund his tail very useful in that swall; and let's leave him to himsel noo, for twa men on ae dowg's a sair doundraucht.3 Tickler. With what a bold kind eye the noble animal keeps swimming between us, like a Christian! Shepherd. I hae never been able to perswade my heart and my understandin that dowgs haena immortal sowls. See how he steers himsel, first a wee towarts me, and then a wee towarts you, wi' his tail like a rudder. His sowl maun be immortal. Tickler. I am sure, James, that if it be, I shall be extremely happy to meet Bronte in any future society. Shepherd. The minister wad ca' that no orthodox. But the 1 Admiral Otway. See ante, vol. i. p. 378. 2 Henry Hunt, a mob orator and Radical reformer, M.P. for Preston, 1830-31; died in 1835. Sir T. Lethbridge, a Tory M.P., and large landed proprietor. 3 Doundraucht-down-drag. A BOATFUL OF LADIES. 13 mystery o' life canna gang out like the pluff o' a cawnle. Perhaps the verra bit bonny glitterin insecks that we ca' ephemeral, because they dance out but ae single day, never dee, but keep for ever and aye openin and shuttin their wings in mony million atmospheres, and may do sae through a' eternity. The universe is aiblins wide aneuch. Tickler. Eyes right! James, a boatful of ladies — with umbrellas and parasols extended to catch the breeze. Let us lie on our oars, and they will never observe us. Bronte. Bow, wow, wow,-bow, wow, wow. [Female alarms heard from the pleasure-boat. A gen tleman in the stern rises with an oar, and stands in a threatening attitude. Tickler. Ease off to the east, James-Bronte, hush! Shepherd. I howp they've nae fooling-pieces-for they may tak us for gulls, and pepper us wi' swan-shot or slugs. I'll dive at the flash. Yon's no a gun that chiel has in his haun? Tickler. He lets fall his oar into the water, and the "boatie rows-the boatie rows"-Hark, a song! [Song from the retiring boat. Shepherd. A very gude sang, and very well sung-jolly companions every one. Tickler. The fair authors of the Odd Volume!1 Shepherd. What's their names? Tickler. They choose to be anonymous, James; and that being the case, no gentleman is entitled to withdraw the veil. Shepherd. They're sweet singers, howsomever, and the words o' their sang are capital. Baith Odd Volumes are maist ingenious, well written, and amusing. Tickler. The public thinks so—and they sell like wildfire. Shepherd. I'm beginning to get maist desperat thrusty, and hungry baith. What a denner wull we make! How mony miles do think we hae swom? you Tickler. Three-in or over. Let me sound.—Why, James, my toe scrapes the sand. "By the Nail six!" Shepherd. I'm glad o't. It 'ill be a bonny bizziness, gif ony neerdoweels hae ran aff wi' our claes out o' the machines. But gif they hae, Bronte 'ill sune grup them—Wunna ye, Bronte ? Bronte. Bow, wow, wow-bow, wow, wow. 1 The Misses Corbett. See ante, vol. i. p. 252. 14 THE PORTOBELLO FLY. Shepherd. Now, Tickler, that our feet touch the grun', rin you a race to the machines for anither jug. I'll Tickler. Done-But let us have a fair start.-Once, twice, thrice! [TICKLER and the SHEPHERD start, with BRONTE in the van, amid loud acclamations from the shore.-Scene closes. Scene II.-Inside of Portobello Fly. MRS GENTLE, MISS GENTLE.1 Mrs Gentle. I suspect, Mary, that we are to have the whole coach to ourselves. It has struck four. Miss Gentle. Mr Forsyth's coach seldom starts, I think, till about seven minutes after the hour, and I hope we may have company. It is always pleasant to me to see a new face, and hear a new voice, if it should be but for a passing half-hour of cheerfulness and good-will among strangers. Mrs Gentle. There is an advantage, child—I had almost called it a blessing, in being not too genteel. People who at all times keep fastidiously aloof from all society but that in which it is their fortune to move, unconsciously.come to regard a large portion of their fellow-creatures with a kind of pride not unallied to contempt, and their sympathies are confined within too narrow a range. Miss Gentle. Yes, maınma, I often observe that those persons who, by the kindness of Providence, are enabled to lead a life of luxury-innocent and blameless in itself, fear even such an accidental and transient association with their inferiors in rank or wealth, as may befall them in such a vehicle as this, as if the contact were contamination. Why, too, should shame ever be felt but for meanness or evil-doing? Mrs Gentle. Why, my dear Mary, we are both beginning absolutely to sermonise on other people's little weaknesses or failings. Who knows, if we had a carriage of our own to loll in, many servants, and troops of splendid friends, that we might not be among the vainest of the vain, the proudest of the proud? Miss Gentle. You never could, mamma, for you have been tried; as for myself, I verily believe that my hauteur would 1 It should be mentioned that the widow and her daughter who occasionally take part in these dialogues are entirely fabulous characters. |