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hensions, I listened to noises of every description, from the faint, sneeze-like effusion of some little girl's throat, to the deep-toned and far-sounding bellow of the portly alderman. Beside this, I had the pleasure to observe some of my most devoted enemies scattered, as if intentionally, through the critical pit, scowling in tenfold blackness upon the scene, and apparently waiting, in composed hatred, an opportunity to give me 'the goose.' Meditation raged high, as I observed these significant and threatening appearances, and I could scarcely have been in greater trepidation if I had been attacked with the hydrophobia itself.

"The curtain rose soon, and my first characters appeared; but, fire and fury! I did not recognise them myself.

"The play proceeded, and a scene ensued which gentlest moderation might denominate murder most foul.' My dear sir, you can have no idea of it. They had cut out my most beautiful sentiments. The very identical remarks which I had intended should bring the house down, were gone and left not a trace behind.' One recited a speech which was intended to have been spoken by another, and he spouted one that should not have been spoken at all. My finest specimens of rhetoric failed from their clumsy manner of delivery, and all my wit missed fire. Oh! if you could have seen them, like a pack of wild bulls in a garden of flowers, breaking rudely over all those delicate bushes of poetry, and trampling down the sweetest roses in the field of literature. The prettily turned expressions, which should have been carefully breathed upon the audience, with a softened voice and pensive eye, were bawled out in an unvaried, monotonous tone of voice, and a face as passionless as a barber's block. The whole play was destroyed.

"There was nip, and snip, and cut, and slish, and slash,' till the first act ended, and then was a slight hiss. Cold drops of sweat stood on my trembling flesh;' but I pulled my hat fiercely over my beating brow, and, angry and desperate, prepared for the brooding storm. On my mountain scene I laid my principal dependence, and if that failed me, 'then welcome despair." At last it came: there was the dungeon, and a man in it, with

a wig, which covered the greatest part of his real hair, and a face sublimely cut and slashed over with a piece of coal. Instead of the beautiful countenance which had gleamed upon me in my poetic vision, there was a thin, hump-backed, little fellow, with a tremendous pair of red whiskers, and a pug nose !-my fac-simile of Sir William Wallace with red whiskers and a pug nose! Sir, it threw me into one of the most violent fevers 1 ever had. Beside all these, 'his face was dirty and his hands unwashed;' and he proceeded to give such a bombastic flourish of his arm, and his voice rose to such a high pitch, that he was hailed with loud laughter, and shouts of make a bow, Johnny-make a bow,' till my head reeled in delirious despair.

"But the language and stage effect might redeem the errors of the actor, and I remained in a delightful agony for the result. Lazy time at length brought it upon the stage; but oh, ye gods! what a fall was there! As the thunder cloud and genius were floating gracefully down, one of the ropes cracked, and the enchanter of the cavern hurt his nose against the floor, notwithstanding a huge pair of pasteboard wings, which spread themselves at his shoulders. He got up, however, and went on till the explosion was to have taken place: then he waved his wand, with an air which was not intended to have been resisted; but, dreadful to relate! the crack would not open, and Bamaloosa trotted off by one of the side scenes, amid hoots of derision from every part of the house.

"The green curtain fell. A universal hiss, from the many headed monster of the pit,' rung heavily in my ears. I had seen my poor play murdered and damned in one night, and it was enough to quench all future hopes of literary eminence. I rushed, desperate, from the spot, not choosing to stay for the farce; and, in the confusion of unsuccessful genius, I kicked two little red headed fellows into the gutter for asking of me a check.

"In the anguish of my disappointment, I dreamed a combination of every thing horrible, to tantalize and terrify my poor, tired brain; and I arose with a head ache and a heart ache, and no very great opinion of any one in the world, but myself.

"You have convinced me that generosity has not

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taken French leave of every bosom, and I shall always look back upon the moments I have spent with you as bright exceptions to those of my past life. And now,' continued he, pocketing the remaining bone, putting a couple of potatoes in his bosom, and taking a long draught of wine-" and now, I trust, we are square; you have provided me a dinner, and I have treated you to a feast of reason and a flow of soul.' If I see you again, 'I shall remember you were bountiful;' if not, God bless you and yours.' He gave me a hearty shake by the hand, and dashed from the room. I caught a glimpse of his figure as he passed the window-and saw the poor author no more.

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AFFECTATION.

I AM inclined to attribute to the female sex a vast deal of affectation, which it would scarcely be just to ascribe to individuals. The decrees of fashion must be obeyed, and no individual therefore can be censured for not rendering herself an object of notice by dressing with any marked difference from the prevailing mode. It is a strange state of affairs, but it is the true one, that a young lady who would now presume to dress with simplicity and natural grace, would become an object of absolute ridicule. They laugh sometimes at the style of apparel among their grandmothers; but I am very certain the time will come when the dress which is now considered a model of elegant fashion, would set the world in a roar. Perhaps the effect upon persons unaccustomed to it might be in a measure estimated by the degree of notice which a gentleman would now attract by indulging in the same species of eccentricity. Fancy a company seated gravely together, and a youth entering with a pair of sleeves to his coat resembling two inflated balloons, and magnifying his arms into several times the dimensions of his body. Suppose the same taste which led him to extend the size of his arms, should induce him to diminish that of his waist, as

if resolved to metamorphose himself into a shape as unlike as possible that bestowed upon him by nature. Then let him decorate his ears with jewels, hang a diamond upon the centre of his forehead, and build up his hair a foot or two above his real stature. I am half afraid to be set down as a dull, silly proser, but however erroneous my ideas may be, I must candidly confess that I could never persuade myself to think any thing in the world sweeter than woman's face and form, as nature created them, to look upon every fashion which tends to distort them as something impertinent and offensive; and when I have caught myself admiring a female the most, it has invariably been when she had made the least apparent effort to excite my admiration by any affectation of charms not her own. There is to me something exceedingly repulsive in any glare and gaudiness in dress. I cannot admire a woman for that which she only put on perhaps a few hours ago, and will take off again presently. Beside, I think a woman of delicate feeling and real good sense always betrays them by a kind of chasteness in apparel, even when she is in the fashion. There are always prevailing pieces of display which you will not find in her. There is visible to a nice eye a kind of restraint upon herself, so that the eccentricity of fashion is subdued by her own modesty and taste. I love to detect that elegant gentility in a female. It is better than beauty. It tells favorably of the mind, and wins upon me more than an accomplishment. If one of ordinary person is so much benefitted by this, how fine is its effect in one whom nature has created lovely? There is something noble in seing a girl put aside, as unworthy of her, the silly decorations which can only attract the superficial, and depend merely upon the force of her native qualities. I noticed this once when a young belle, who had turned the hearts of whole crowds of dandies, and caused the wasting of more sad sighs, moonlight walks, and real Havana cigars than I am sure ever her innocent bosom dreamed of, was caught, at last, by a noble fellow, and a number of select friends were invited to attend the ceremony. Such a host of brilliant head dresses might have graced the court of the gayest of emperors-such a flashing, and rustling, and nodding-feathers, diamonds, and all

sorts of nameless magnificence. There was a great deal of surmise respecting what would be the appearance of the bride, and expectation was on tiptoe to discover how she would be able to overtop all the lofty splendors of the blooming young beauties who awaited her coming in the brilliantly lighted apartments of her wealthy father's mansion. For my part I was almost afraid to see her enter when the reverend gentleman arrived and every thing was ready for her appearance. I am afraid of women when they are fixed up so. They always look to me as if they had too much to do in superintending their own concerns to think of others. How I wronged thy good sense and exquisite taste, beautiful Fanny! The opened door presented to the eye of the admiring company a head that some sculptor seemed to have formed to make a statue of. The Venus is not more simple. A single beautiful rose, just taken from the dews of heaven, blushed above her forehead, made her appear the most bewitching of women, and confirmed my hatred of those ugly fashions for ever.

I should be taking a very contracted view of my subject, however, were I to confine the influence of affectation only to dress and manner. There is much of it in the mind. We affect a thousand virtues that we have not. I know an honest gentleman who always affects charity and humility. It is curious also to see that he himself is deceived as well as several of his friends, and really believes himself to be meek and philanthropic. In a debate he will say the most bitter things, but in a soft, gentle way, and show you that he thinks you a liar or a fool," as far as he is able to understand," and " cording to his humble opinion." I fear some day he will knock his antagonist down, telling him at the same time "he should be very sorry to offend him."

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