Our Pupil's Hopes, though twice defeated, Are with a Scholarship compleated:
A Scholarship but half maintains,
And College Rules are heavy Chains:
In Garret dark he smokes and puns,
A Prey to Difcipline and Duns;
And now intent on new Designs,
Sighs for a Fellowship-and Fines.
When nine full tedious Winters past,
That utmoft with is crown'd at last :
But the rich Prize no fooner got,
Again he quarrels with his Lot:
Thefe Fellowships are pretty Things,
"We live indeed like petty Kings :
"But who can bear to wafte his whole Age
Amid the Dulness of a College,
"Debarr'd the common Joys of Life,
"And that prime Bliss a loving Wife!
"O! what's a Table richly spread
"Without a Woman at its Head!
"Would fome fnug benefice but fall,
"Ye Feafts, ye Dinners! farewell all!
"To Offices I'd bid adieu,
"Of Dean, Vice-præs-of Bursar too;
"Come Joys, that rural quiet yields,
"Come Tythes, and House, and fruitful Fields !”
Too fond of Liberty and Eafe
A Patrons vanity to please,
Long time he watches, and by Stealth,
Each frail incumbent's doubtful Health;
and in his fortieth Year,
two hundred clear !
With Breaft elate beyond Expreffion,
He hurries down to take Poffeffion,
With Rapture views the sweet Retreat-
"What a convenient House! how neat!
"For Fuel here's fufficient Wood:
"Pray God the Cellars may be good!
"The Garden-that must be new plann'd-
"Shall thefe old-fashion'd Yew-trees ftand ?
"O'er yonder vacant Plot shall rife
"The flow'ry Shrub of thousand Dies:
"Yon Wall that feels the southern Ray,
"Shall blush with ruddy Fruitage gay :
"While thick beneath its Aspect warm
"O'er well-rang'd Hives the Bees fhall fwarm,
"From which, e'er long, of golden Gleam
"Metheglin's luscious Juice fhall ftream:
"This awkward Hut o'er-grown with Ivy,
"We'll alter to a modern Privy:
Up yon green flope, of Hazels trim,
"An Avenue fo cool and dim,
"Shall to an Arbour at the End,
"In spite of Gout, intice a Friend.
My Predeceffor lov'd Devotion—
"But of a Garden had no Notion."
Continuing this fantastick Farce on,
He now commences country Parson.
To make his Character entire,
He weds-a Coufin of the 'Squire;
Not over weighty in the Purse,
Doctors have done worfe :
And though the boafts no Charms divine,
Yet she can carve, and make Birch Wine.
Thus fixt, content he taps his Barrel,
Exhorts his Neighbours not to quarrel,
Finds his Church-wardens have Difcerning
Both in good Liquor and good Learning
With Tythes his Barns replete he fees,
And chuckles o'er his Surplice-fees
Studies to find out latent Dues,
And regulates the State of Pews
Rides a fleek Mare with purple Houfing,
To fhare the monthly Club's carousing;
Of Oxford Pranks facetious tells,
And-but on Sundays- hears no Bells:
Sends Prefents of his choiceft Fruit,
And prunes himself each fapless Shoot
Plants Colliflow'rs and boasts to rear
The earliest Melon of the Year;
Thinks Alteration charming Work is,
Keeps Bantam Cocks, and feeds his Turkies
Builds in his Copfe a favourite Bench,
And ftores the Pond with Carp and Tench.-
But ah! too foon his thoughtless Breast
By Cares domefticis oppreft;
And a third Butcher's Bill, and Brewing,
Threaten inevitable Ruin.
For Children fresh Expences yet,
And Dicky now for School is fit.
"Why did I fell my College Life
66 (He cries) for Benefice and Wife?
"Return, ye Days! when endless Pleasure
I found in Reading, or in Leifure !
"When calm around the common Room
"I puff'd my daily Pipe's Perfume!
Rode for a Stomach, and infpected, "At annual Bottlings, Corks felected: And din'd untax'd, untroubled under The Portrait of our pious Founder ! C
"When Impofitions were supply'd
"To light my Pipe-or footh my Pride!
"No Cares were then for forward Peas
"A yearly-longing Wife to please ;
"My Thoughts no Chrift'ning Dinners croft,
"No Children cry'd for butter'd Toast;
"And ev'ry Night I went to Bed'
"Without a Modus in my Head !',
Oh! trifling Head, and fickle Heart!
Chagrin'd at whatsoe'er thou art;
A Dupe to Follies yet untry'd,
And fick of Pleafures fcarce enjoy'd!
Each Prize poffefs'd, thy Tranfport ceafes,
And in Pursuit alone it pleases.
MOUSE and OYSTER.
7HEN Midnight's fable Veil o'erfpread the Plain
When Bats and Fairies, Mice and Morpheus
reign,
A bold undaunted Mouse that long defy'd
The various Stratagems that Kate had try'd,
His destin❜d Doom receiv'd, for soon or late,
Both Mice and Monarch's must submit to Fate.
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