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SATIRES OF DONNE.
265 In love's, in nature's spite, the siege they hold, Language, which Boreas might to Auster hold And scorn the flesh, the devil, and all but gold. More rough than forty Germans when they scold.
These write to lords, some mean reward to get, Curs'd be the wretch, so venal and so vain :
Paltry and proud, as drabs in Drury-lane.
If Peter deigns to help you to your own:
And what a solemn face, if he denjes
'Twas only suretyship that brought them there. Sense, past through him, no longer is the same; His office keeps your parchment fates entire, For food digested takes another name.
He starres with cold to save them from the fire;
Takes God to witness he affects your cause,
And lies to every lord in every thing,
These are the talents that adorn them all,
In shillings and in pence at first they deal;
From Scots to Wight, from Mount to Dover strand :
And when rank widows purchase luscious nights,
Or when a duke to Jansen punts at White's,
Or city heir in mortgage melts away;
Piecemeal they win this acre first, then that,
Glean on, and gather up the whole estate.
Then strongly fencing ill-got wealth by law,
Large as the fields themselves, and larger far
Than civil codes, with all their glosses, are;
More, more than ten Sclavonians scolding, more
Than when winds in our ruin'd abbeys roar.
But he is worst, who beggarly doth chaw Worse than imbrothel'd strumpets prostitute.
Now like an owl-like watchman he must walk,
His hand still at a bill; now he must talk
to out-usure Jews, Like a wedge in a block, wring to the barre,
Than carted whores, lye to the grave judge; for
Bastardy abounds not in king's titles, nor
Bat these punish themselves. The insolence From Scots to Wight, from Mount to Dover strand.
And spying heirs inelting with luxury,
Of wasting candles, which in thirty year,
Words, words which would tear In parchment thea, large as the fields he draws The tender labyrinth of a maid's soft ear:
Assurances, big as gloss'd civil laws,
So vast, our new divines, we must confess, I die in charity with fool and knave,
Secure of peace at least beyond the grave.
The poet's Hell, its tortures, fiends, and flames, Over a learn'd, unintelligible place :
To this were trifles, toys, and empty names. Or, in quotation, shrewd divines leave out
With foolish pride my heart was never fir’d, Those words that would against them clear the doubt. Nor the rain itch ť admire, or be admir'd;
So Luther thought the pater-noster long, I hop'd for no commission from his grace; When doom'd to say his beads and even-song; I bought no bencfice, I begg'd no place : But having cast his cowl, and left those laws, Had no new verses, nor new suit to show; Adds to Christ's prayer, the power and glory clause. Yet went to court !--the Devil would have it so,
The lands are bought; but where are to be found But, as the fool that in reforming days Those ancient woods, that shaded all the ground? Would go to mass in jest (as story says) We see no new-built palaces aspire,
Could not but think, to pay his fine was odd, No kitchens emulate the vestal fire.
Since 'twas no formd design of serving God;
As prone to ill, as negligent of good,
Who live at court, for going once that way! That both extremes were banish'd from their walls, Scarce was I enter'd, when, behold! there came Carthusian fasts, and fulsome bacchanals;
A thing which Adam had been pos’d to name; And all mankind might that just mean observe,
Noah had refus'd it lodging in his ark, In which none e'er could surfeit, none could starve. Where all the race of reptiles might embark: These as good works, 'tis true, we all allow, A verier monster, than on Afric's shore But oh! these works are not in fashion now : The Sun e'er got, or slimy Nilus bore, Like rich old wardrobes, things extremely rare, Or Sloane or Woodward's wondrous shelves contain, Extremely fine, but what no man will wear. Nay, all that lying travellers can feign.
Thus much I've said, I trust, without ofience; The watch would hardly let him pass at noon, Let no court sycophant pervert my sense,
At night would swear him dropp'd out of the Moon, Nor sly informer watch these words to draw One, whom the mob, when next we find or make Within the reach of treason, or the law.
A popish plot, shall for a Jesuit take,
By your priesthood tell me what you are!"
Such was the wight: th' apparel on his back, Well, if it be my time to quit the stage,
Though coarse, was reverend, and though bare, was Adieu to all the follies of the age !
black: So huge that men (in our times forwardness)
A purgatory, such as fear'd Hell is Are fathers of the church for writing less
A recreation, and scant map of this, These he writes not ; nor for these written payes, My mind, neither with pride's itch, nor hath been Therefore spares no length (as in those first dayes | Poyson'd with love to see or to be seen, When Luther was profest, he did desire
I had no suit there, nor new suit to show, Short pater-nòsters, saying as a fryer
Yet went to court ; but as Glare which did go Each day his beads : but havi left those laws,
To mass in jest, catch'd, was fain to disburse Adds to Christ's prayer, the power and glory clause) | Two hundred markes which is the statutes curse, But when he sells or changes land, h’impaires Before he scap'd; so it pleas'd my destiny The writings, and (unwatch’d) leaves out ses heires, (Guilty of my sin of going) to think me As slily as any commentator goes by
As prone to all ill, and of good as forgetHard words, or sense; or, in divinity
ful, as proud, lustfull, and as much in deht, As controverters in vouch'd texts, leave out [doubt As vajn, as witless, and as false, as they Shrewd words, which might against them clear the Which dwell in court, for once going that way. Where are these spread woods which cloth'd Therefore I suffer'd this; towards me did run heretofore
A thing more strange, than ou Nile's slime the Sun Those bought lands? not built, nor burnt within door
E’er bred, or all which into Noah's ark came : Where the old landlorrls troops and almes? In halls A thing which would have pos'd Adam to name : Carthusian fasts, and fulsome bachanals
Stranger than seven antiquaries studies, Equally I hate. Means blest. In rich men's homes Than Africk monsters, Guianaes rarities, I bid kill some beasts, but no hecatombs ;
Stranger than strangers : one who, for a Dane, None starve, none surfeit so. But (oh) we allow
In the Danes massacre had sare been slain, Good works as good, but out of fashion now, If he had liv'd then ; and without help dies, Like old rich wardrobes. But my words none draws When next the prentices 'gainst strangers rise ; Within the vast reach of th' huge statutes jawes. One, whom the watch at noon lets scarce go by ;
One, to whom th’examining justice sure would SATIRE IV.
“ Sir, by your priesthood, tell me what you are ?" WELL; I may now receive, and die. My sin His clothes were strange, though coarse, and Indeed is great; but yet I have been in
black, though bare,
The suit, jf by the fashion one might guess, Nay troth th' apostles (though perhaps too rough)
Yet these were all poor gentlemen! I dare
Thus, others' talents having nicely shown, First turn plain rash, then vanish quite away. He came by sure transition to his own :
This thing has travell’d, and speaks language too, Pill I cry'd out, “You prove yourself so able, And knows what's fit for every state to do; Pity! you was not Druggerman at Babel; Of whose best phrase and courtly accent join'd, For had they found a linguist half so good, He forms one tongue, exotic and refin'd.
I make no question but the tower had stood." Talkers I've learn'd to bear; Morteux I knew, “ Obliging sir! for courts you sure were made : Henley himself I've heard, and Budgel too. Why then for ever bury'd in the shade ? The doctor's wormwood style, the hash of tongues Spirits like you, should sce and should be seen, A pedant makes, the storm of Gonson's lungs, The king would smile on you-at least the queen." The whole artillery of the terins of war,
“ Ah, gentle sir! you courtiers so cajole usAnd (all those plagues in one) the bawling bar; But 'Tully las it, Nunquam minus solus : These I could bear; but not a rogue so civil, And as for courts, forgive me if I say Whose tongue will compliment you to the Devil, No lessons now are taught the Spartan way: A tongue, that can cheat widows, cancel scores, Though in bis pictures last, be full display'd, Make Scots speak treason, cozen subtlest whores, Few are the converts Aretine has made; With royal favourites in fattory vie,
And though the court show vice exceeding clear And Oldmixon and Burnet both outlie.
None should, by my advice, learn virtue there." He spies me out; I whisper, gracious God! At this entranc'd, he lifts his hands and eyes, What sin of mine could merit such a rod ?
Squeaks like a bigh-stretch'd lutestring, and replies; That all the shot of dulness now must be
“Oh, 'tis the sweetest of all earthly things From this thy blunderbuss discharg'd on me! To gaze on princes, and to talk of kings !" “ Permit” (he cries)
no stranger to your fame * Then, happy man who shows the tombs!” said I, To crave your sentiment, if 's your name.
“ He dwells amidst the royal family ; What speech esteem you most ?” The king's,” | He every day from king to king can walk, said I.
Of all our Harries, all our Edwards talk; “But the best words?”_"O sir, the dictionary.” And get, by speaking truth of inonarchs dead, * You miss my aim ! I mean the most acute What few can of the living, ease and bread.” And perfect speaker ?"_" Onslow, past dispute.” “ Lord, sir, a mere meenanic! strangely low, "But, sir, of writers?” “ Swift for closer style, And coarse of phrase, -your English all are so. But Hoadly for a period of a mile."
How elegant your Frenchmen !” “ Mine, d'ye "Why yes, 'tis granted, these indeed may pass ; I have but one; I hope the fellow's clean." (mean? Good coinmon linguists, and so Panurge was;
“ Oh! sir, politely so! nay, let me die,
“Not, sir, my only, I have better still,
And this you see is but my dishabille”–
By travail. Then, as if he would have sold
His tongue, he prais'd it, and such wonders told,
“ If you had liv'd, sir, tongues,
Time enough to have been interpreter
To Babel's bricklayers, sure the tower had stood.".
He adds, If of court life you knew the good, He speaks one language. If strange meats displease, You would leave loneless." i said, “ Not alone Art can deceive, or hinger force iny tast;
My loneless is; but Spartanes fashion
To teach by painting drunkards doth not last
Now, Aretine's pictures have made few chaste; Are strong enough preparatives to draw
No more can princes courts (though there be few Me to hear this; yet I must be content
Better pictures of vice) teach me virtue." With bis tongue, in his tongue call'd complement :
He like to a high-strecht lutestring squeaks, “O In which he can win widows, and pay scores,
'Tis sweet to talk of kings." “ At Westminster,” Make men speak treason, couzen subtlest whores, Said I, “the man that keeps the abbey-tombs, Outflatter favourites, or outlie either
And for his price, doth with whoever comes Jovius, or Surius, or both together.
Of all our Harrys and our Edwards talk, He names me, and comes to me; I whisper, God, From king to king, and all their kin can walk : How have I sinn'd, that thy wrath's furious rou, Your ears shall hear nought but kings; your eyes This fellow, chuseth me! he saith, “ Sir,
Kings only: the way to it is King-street.” (meet I love your judgment, whom do you prefer
He smack'd, and cry'd. “He's base, mechanique, For the best linguist?” and I seelily
coarse, Said that I thought Calepines dictionary.
So are all your Englishmen in their discourse. " Nay, but of men, most sweet sir?” Beza then,
Are not your Frenchmen neat?” “Mine, as you see, Some Jesuits, and two reverend men
I have but oue, sir, look, he follows me.” Of our two academies I uam'd. Here
“Certes they are neatly cloath’d. Iof this mind am, He stopt me, and said, “Nay your apostles were
Your only wearing is your grogram.” Good pretty linguists; so Panurgus was.
“Not so, sir, I have more.” Under this pitch Yet a poor gentleman; all these may pass
He would not Ay; I chaff'd him: but as itch
Wild to get loose, his patience I provoke, Like a big wife at sight of loathsome meat
Silence or hurt, he libels every man ;
He names the price for every office paid, At all my peevishness, and turns his style. And says our wars thrive ill, becanse delay'd; He asks, “What news ?” I tell him of new plays, Nay hints, 'tis by contrivance the court, New eunuchs, harlequins, and operas.
That Spain robs on, and Dunkirk's still a port. He hears, and as a still with simples in it,
Not more amazement seis'd on Circe's guests, Between each drop it gives, stays half a minute, To see themselves fall headlong into beasts, Loth to enrich me with too quick replies,
Than mine to find a subject stay'd and wise
Stood just a-tilt, the minister came by.
Then, close as Umbra, joins the dirty train.
When half his nose is in his prince's ear.
Ran out as fast as one that pays his bail,
And dreads more actions, hurries from a jail.
Like a big wife, at sight of loathed meat,
Ready to travail : so I sigh, and sweat But some excising courtier will have toll.
To hear this makaron talk : in vain, for yet,
He names the price of every office paid ;
Do with the Spaniards share, and Dunkirkers. Scratch'd into smart, and as blunt iron ground I more amaz'd than Circe's prisoners, when Into an edge, hurts worse : So, I (fool) found, They felt themselves turn beasts, felt myself then Crossing hurt me. To fit my sullenness,
Becoming traytor, and methought I saw He to another key his style doth dress;
One of our giant statues ope its jay And asks what news; I tell him of new playes, To suck me in for hearing him : I found He takes my hand, and as a still, which stayes That as burnt venemous leachers do grow sound A sembrief 'twixt each drop, be niggardly, By giving others their sores, I might grow As loth to enrich me, so tells many a ly.
Guilty, and be free: Therefore I did show More than ten Hollensheds, or Halls, or Stows, All signs of loathing ; but since I am in, Of trivial houshold trash, he knows : he knows I must pay mine, and my forefathers sin When the queen frown'd or smil'd; and he knows To the last farthing. Therefore to my power A subtle statesman may gather of that: (what Toughly and stubbornly I bear; but th' hower He knows who loves whom; and who by poison Of mercy was now come: he tries to bring Hasts to an officer's reversion;
Me to pay a fine to 'scape a torturing, Who wastes in meat, in clothes, in horse, he notes; And says, “ Sir, can you spare me?” I said, Who loveth whores
Willingly;" He knows, who hath sold his land, and now doth beg Nay, sir, can you spare me a crown?” ThankA licence, old iron, boots, shoes, and egge
fully I Shells to transport;
Gave it, as ransom ; but as fidlers, still, shortly boys shall not play Though they be paid to be gone, yet needs will At span-counter, or blow.point, but shall ray Thrust one more jigg upon you : so did he Toll to some courtier; and wiser than all us. With his long complimental thanks vex me. He knows what lady is not painted. Thus
But he is gone, thanks to his needy want, He with home meats cloys me. I belch, «pue, spit, And the prerogative of my crown ; scant Look pale and sickly, like a patient, yet
His thanks were ended, when I (which did see He thrusts on more, and as he had undertook, All the court fill'd with inore strange things than lie) To say Gallo Belgicus without book,
Ran from thence with such, or more haste than Speaks of all states and deeds that have been since
one The Spaniards came to th’ loss of Amyens. Who fears more actions, doth hast from prison
Bear me, some god! oh quickly bear me hence, And why not players strut in courtiers clothes ? To wholesome Solitude, the nurse of Sense; For these are actors too, as well as those : Where Contemplation prunes her ruffed wings, Wants reach all states : they beg but better drest, And the free soul looks down to pity kings! And all is splendid poverty at best. There sober thought pursued th' amusing theme, Painted for sight, and essenc'd for the smell, Till Fancy colour'd it, and form'd a dream. Like frigates fraught with spice and cochinell, A vision hermits can to Hell transport,
Sail in the ladies : how each pirate eyes And forc'd ev'n me to see the damn'd at court. So weak a vessel, and so rich a prize! Not Dante, dreaming all th' infernal state, Top-gallant he, and she in all her trim, Beheld such scenes of envy, sin, and hate. He boarding her, she striking sail to him: [hit!” Base fear becomes the guilty, not the free ; “Dear countess ! you have charms all hearts to Suits tyrants, plunderers, but suits not me: And "Sweet sir Fopling! you have so much wit !” Shall I, the terror of this sinful town,
Such wits and beauties are not prais'J for nought, Care, if a livery'd lord or smile or frown?
For both the beauty and the wit are bought. Who cannot fatter, and detest who can,
'Twould burst even Heraclitus with the spleen, Tremble before a noble serving-man?
To see those anticks, Fopling and Courtin : O my fair mistress, Truth! shall I quit thee The presence seems, with things so richly odd, For huffing, braggart, puft nobility?
The mosque of Mahound, or some queer pa-god. Thou, who since yesterday hast rollid o'er all See them survey their limbs by Durer's rules, The busy, idle blockheads of the ball,
Of all beau-kind the best proportion'd fools !
Those monkey-tails that wag behind their head! Such waxen noses, stately staring things
Thus finishd, and corrected to a hair, No wonder some folks bow, and think them kings. They march, to prate their hour before the fair.
Sec! where the British youth, engag'd no more, So first to preach a white-glov'd chaplain goes, At Fig's, at White's, with felons, or a whore, With band of lily, and with cheek of rose, Pay their last duty to the court, and come Sweeter than Sharon, in immac'late trim, All fresh and fragrant, to the drawing roon; Neatness itself impertinent in him. In hues as gay, and odours as divine,
Let but the ladies smile, and they are blest : As the fair fields they sold to look so fine.
Prodigious! how the things protest, protest ! “ That's velret for a king !” the flatterer swears; Peace, fools, or Gonson will for papists seize you, 'Tis true, for ten days hence 'twill be king Lear's. If once he catch you at your Jesu! Jesu ! Our court may justly to our stage give rules, That helps it both to fool's-coats and to fools. At stage, as courts: all are players. Whoe'er looks
(For themselves dare not go) o'er Cheapside books, At home in wholesome solitariness
Shall find their wardrobes inventory. Now My piteous soul began the wretchedness
The ladies come. As pirates (which do know Of suitors at court to mourn, and a trance That there came weak ships fraught with cutchanel) Like his, who dreamt he saw Hell, did advance The men board them: and praise (as they think) Itself o'er me ; such men as he saw there
well, I saw at court, and worse and more. Low fear Their beauties; they the mens wits; both are bought. Becomes the guilty, not the accuser : Then Why good wits ne'er wear scarlet gowns, I thought Shall I, none's slave, of highborn or rais'd men This cause, these men, mens wits for speeches buy, Fear frowns : an my mistress Truth, betray thee And women buy all red which scarlets dye. For the huffing, bragart, puft nobility ?
He callid her beauty lime-twigs, her hair net : No, no, thou which since yesterday hast been She tears her drugs ill lay'd, her hair loose seta Almost about the whole world, hast thou seen, Wouldn't Heraclitus laugh to see Macrine O Sun, in all thy journey, vanity,
From hat to shoe, hiinself at door refine, Such as swells the bladder of our court? I As if the presence were a mosque; and lift Think he which made your waxen garden, and His skirts and hose, and call his clothes to shrift, Transported it from Italy, to stand
Making them confess not only mortal With us, at London, Norts our courtiers; for Great stains and holes in them, but venial Just such gay painted things, which no sap, nor Feathers and dust, wherewith they fornicate: Taste have in them, ours are; and natural
And then by Durer's rules survey the state Some of the stocks are; their fruits bastard all. Of his each limb, and with strings the odds tries
'Tis ten a clock and past; all whom the Mues, Of his neck to his ler, and waste to thighs. Baloun, or tennis, diet, or the stews
So in immarulate clothes and symmetry
Perfect as circles, with such nicety
To preach, he enters, and a lady wbich owes
Ten cardinals into the Inquisition ; Wants reach all states : me seems they do as And whispers by Jesu so oft, that a well
Pursuevant would have ravish'd him away