steal time from other things which require my attention. You can have no conception, unless you were present, how my time is taken up. Every moment is mortgaged before it arrives, and, notwithstanding all my exertions, the business seems to grow upon my hands; so that I am ready to sit down in despair, and do nothing. If every day was as long as ten, there would be ample employment for every hour. I find scarcely any time to read or study, and am constrained to go into the pulpit with discourses so undigested, that my pride is continually mortified; and though it lies groaning and bleeding under continual wounds, it will not be persuaded to give up the ghost. How ever, so long as God is pleased to carry on his work with such discourses, I have no right to complain or be discouraged; since, the feebler the means, the more he is glorified. And I hope that, some time or other, I shall learn to be willing to be counted a fool, that all the glory may redound to his wisdom. But this is a hard lesson to learn. To be willing to be nothing, to rejoice to be nothing, that God may be all in all; to glory in infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon us,

this is the temper which I pine and hunger after; but, alas! it appears at a distance so great, that I despair of ever reaching any where near it in this world. If we could put God entirely in the place of self, consider his will as our will, his honor as our honor, his happiness as our happiness, his interest as our interest, and pursue it accordingly, how happy should we be! And how happy shall we be in that world, where this will be the case, and where the very stump of that Dagon, self, will not be permitted to remain in our hearts, as the rival of our blessed Redeemer. O, to be holy as God is holy-this is to be happy, according to our measure, as God is happy. Strive then, my dear, dear sister, strive, wrestle, pray, long and pant after holiness. If I cannot be holy myself, yet I long to see others holy. If I cannot love and praise the everblessed Redeemer, it is almost heaven sufficient to see him loved and praised by others. If we could render to him according to his benefits!-but we cannot, we cannot; we must be content to be, as it were, crushed to all eternity under an insupportable weight of goodness; for even the disposition to praise him for favors already received, is a new favor, which still adds to the mighty debt; and the faster he enables us to render back what we receive, so much the faster do our obligations increase. And yet, instead of praising him, we are constantly sinning. I hope it is not so bad with others, but, with respect to myself, there seems to be constant strife between him and me, whether I shall exceed in provoking, or he in pardon

ing; whether I shall succeed in destroying myself by my own madness and folly against his will, or he succeed in saving me in spite of myself. But in this strife he still conquers, and will conquer. I have done every thing to provoke him to leave me; but he will not be provoked. He will still return to humble me, and shame me; and I am ready to call on the rocks and mountains to fall on me, and hide me from the tender, expostulating, heart-breaking, soul-subduing glances of his eye, which fill me with such shame and confusion, that it seems as if I could more easily endure the lightnings of his indignation. Were all his people like me, and were justice done upon them, surely they would be sentenced to some hell more dreadful than that which is prepared for others.

"We have still considerable attention to religion. The number of inquirers is upwards of forty, and many more are serious. We had hoped for hundreds ere this; but God keeps us waiting, and praying, and still gives a spirit of prayer."

'MY DEAREST MOTHER,

"Portland, Sept. 22, 1809.

"The attention to religion still continues. Last communion, we admitted eleven to the church, and next, Sabbath we shall admit twelve more. The appetite for hearing seems insatiable, and our assemblies are more crowded than ever. Many have lately joined us. However, the gospel proves a savor of death unto death, as well as of life unto life. Many seem to be awfully hardened, and many severe reflections are cast upon religion and its professors.

"After telling you that religion thus flourishes among us, I am ashamed to complain; for what reason of complaint can a minister have, while he sees the cause of Christ triumphant? Nor do I complain of any thing except myself. Every earthly thing is imbittered to me, and the enjoyments of religion are kept far above my reach. I am overwhelmed by one wave of temptation after another. My bodily powers are kept in such a continual state of exhaustion, and my nerves are so weak, that mole-hills appear to be mountains, and I am ready to stumble at a straw; and when imaginary evils disappear, I find real perplexities and difficulties, which weigh me down in the dust. I know, indeed, that all these things are necessary; and when I am left in my own possession, I would not wish to have my burthen lightened. At times too, I am "holpen with a little help," so that, though cast down, I am not utterly destroyed. But how desperate, how inconceivable, must be the wickedness of that heart, which draws down such sufferings

from the hand of the compassionate Saviour, and requires such painful remedies to heal it."

"MY DEAR SISTER,

“Portland, Nov. 1, 1809.

"It is no small disappointment to me, and I flatter myself that it will be some disappointment to you, that I am under the necessity of sending this inanimate scroll, to see and inquire after you, instead of coming myself, as I expected, and partly promised. But my health does not absolutely require a journey this season; and my engagements are such, that I know not how to be absent a single day. In the first place, the situation of the parish requires my presence. The people still have a hearing ear, but there is more opposition, more attempts to mislead young converts, and turn aside inquirers, than formerly; and, therefore, I wish to be with them. Besides, the neighboring ministers are stirred up to more diligence and attention. They have lately adopted the custom of keeping days of fasting and prayer, and inviting in a number of preachers; and I have some engagements of this kind, just now, which I am unwilling to leave. We have already had three days of this kind in three of the neighboring towns, and hope to extend it through the whole association. We are just establishing a Bible Society, also, and this employs considerable time at present; so that, with these and other things which require attention, I am too much engaged to leave home; and I trust you will not suspect my affection diminishes, because I, at this time, prefer duty to pleasure.

increase. He tells his

"My hopes respecting people some solemn truths; and a lawyer from ******, who was formerly acquainted with him, says he is spoilt, and that, though he used to be a good rational preacher, he is in a fair way to become an enthusiast. What a glorious instance of sovereign mercy it would be, should God bless that parish with a faithful minister!

does

"The cause of evangelical religion is certainly gaining ground in this eastern country. Mr. J. of B., on whom the liberal party placed great reliance, has lately come out full on the side of orthodoxy. President A. was thought to be wavering, but he is now quite decided; and if Mr. not disappoint our hopes, I think the ****** ****** will lose all hopes of liberalizing the District of Maine. Violent and systematic attempts, however, are making here in opposition to truth. Pamphlets are circulated to prove that all the hard texts in the Bible refer to primitive times; and the new Socinian translation of the New Testament threatens to produce

mischief; but, while the enemy comes in as a flood, the Spirit of the Lord is lifting up a standard against him. Within two years, five orthodox ministers have been settled, or are about settling, in this association, which includes the county of Cumberland, and many others preach very different doctrine from what they formerly did."

His afflictive melancholy had now become comparatively harmless; for, though it did not cease to distress him, its tyrannical power was broken, and it much less frequently impeded his mental efforts. There is one allusion, however, to this mode of its operation, which is peculiarly characteristic :— "Was employed in vain attempts to prepare for lecture. Did nothing, all day, but learn the old lesson over again, that without Christ I can do nothing. Were I not the dullest of all scholars, I might surely spare my heavenly Father the trouble of teaching me this lesson again."

In his frequent seasons of illness, and his multiplied public engagements, he saw cause of danger that his private devotions would suffer interruption or abatement. To guard against such an evil, appears to have been one object of the following resolutions, which were adopted, or renewed, near the close of this year

"1. I will, on no pretence whatever, omit reading the Scriptures, with prayer, morning and evening.

"2. When practicable, I will spend one day in every week in fasting and prayer.

"3. I will allow but six hours for sleep.

"4. I will endeavor to redeem the time by being diligent and fervent in business.

“5. I will live more to the glory of God than I have done. "6. I will, every evening, review my conduct through the day, and see how far I have fulfilled these resolutions."

To the peculiar trials which distinguished this year, the merciful Redeemer provided an antidote in the spiritual blessings which he bestowed. Under the labors of his servant, sinners were converted, and the church was increased by an addition of forty-four members.

14

CHAPTER XI.

Permanency and strength of maternal influence-Correspond ence-Death-bed anguish, how alleviated-Disgraceful incident-Price of popularity-Reasons of former trials developed-Letters, &c.

THE reader is not to infer that the subject of this narrative ceased to "give himself continually unto prayer," because the daily-recorded testimony of the fact, to which appeal has so often been made, is less frequently introduced. This was an employment of which he seems never to have grown weary, and which there are no indications that he ever relaxed. He 'dwelt in the secret place of the Most High, and abode under the shadow of the Almighty.' His accumulated burden of cares and sorrows he every day brought with him to the throne of grace, and retired thence relieved from its pressure, or strengthened to sustain it.

"Dec. 29. Was enabled to agonize in prayer for myself and people, and to make intercession with unutterable groanings. My heart and flesh cried out for the living God. Felt very strong hope that God was about to work wonders among us.”

How well his mother understood his character-how sagacious she was in her aims at his heart, always successful in touching the chord that would be sure to vibrate-in a word, now assiduous and valuable a comforter she was-is apparent from his answers to her letters :—

"MY DEAR MOTHER,

"Portland, Feb. 3, 1810.

"I do bless Heaven' if I am made' the joy of my parents' heart,' and esteem it one of the greatest mercies for which I have reason to be thankful. Just before I received the letter which contained this consoling assurance, I was wondering what such a poor, miserable, worthless wretch was ever made for, and why I should be preserved in existence. But, if I can afford any joy to my parents, or to any one else, I think I am willing to live, let my trials be ever so great; and