Page images
PDF
EPUB

sale of your ware as your predecessors, but consider that the nation, like a spendthrift heir, has run out: be likewise a little more continent in your tongues than you are at present, else the length of debates will spoil your dinners.

You housewifely good women who now preside over the confectionary (henceforth commissioners of the treasury) be so good as to dispense the sugarplumbs of the government with a more impartial and frugal hand.

Ye prudes and censorious old maids (the hopes of the bench) exert but your usual talent of finding faults, and the laws will be strictly executed; only I would not have you proceed upon such slender evidences as you have done hitherto.

It is from you, eloquent oyster-merchants of Billingsgate, (just ready to be called to the bar, and quoifed like your sister serjeants) that we expect the shortening the time, and lessening the expences of lawsuits; for I think you are observed to bring your debates to a short issue; and even custom will restrain you from taking the oyster, and leaving only the shell to your client.

O ye physicians! who in the figure of old women are to clean the tripe in the markets, scour it as effectually as you have done that of your patients, and the town will fare most deliciously on Saturdays.

I cannot but congratulate human nature upon this happy transformation: the only expedient left to restore the liberties and tranquillity of mankind. This is so evident, that it is almost an affront to common sense to insist upon the proof: if there can be any such stupid creature as to doubt it, I desire he will

make

make but the following obvious reflection. There are in Europe alone, at present, about a million of sturdy fellows, under the denomination of standing forces, with arms in their hands: that those are masters of the lives, liberties, and fortunes of all the rest, I believe no body will deny. It is no less true in fact, that reams of paper, and above a square mile of skins of vellum have been employed to no purpose to settle peace among those sons of violence. Pray who is he that will say unto them, " go and disband

yourselves?" but lo! by this transformation it is done at once, and the halcyon days of publick tranquillity return; for neither the military temper nor discipline can taint the soft sex for a whole age to come: bellaque matribus invisa, wars odious to mothers, will not grow immediately palatable in their paternal state.

Nor will the influence of this transformation be less in family tranquillity than it is in national. Great faults will be amended, and frailties forgiven on both sides. A wife, who has been disturbed with late hours, and choked with the hautgout of a sot, will remember her sufferings, and avoid the temptations; and will for the same reasons indulge her mate, in his female capacity, in some passions, which she is sensible from experience are natural to the sex; such as vanity, fine clothes, being admired, &c. And how tenderly must she use her mate under the breeding qualms and labour-pains which she hath felt herself? In short, all unreasonable demands upon husbands must cease, because they are already satisfied, from natural experience, that they are npossible.

That

That the ladies may govern the affairs of the world, and the gentlemen those of their household, better than either of them have hitherto done, is the hearty desire of

Their most sincere well-wisher,

M. S.

A

SPECIMEN

OF

SCRIBLERUS'S REPORTS.

STRADLING versus STILES.

Le report del case argue en le commen banke devant tout les justices de le mesme banke, en le quart. an. du raygne de roy Jaques, entre Matthew Stradling, plant. & Peter Stiles, def. en un action propter certos equos coloratos, Anglicè, pred horses, post. per le dit Matthew vers le dit Peter.

Le recitel S John Swale, of Swale-Hall in del case. Swale-Dale fast by the River Swale, kt. made his Last Will and Testament: in which, among other Bequests, was this, viz. Out of the kind love and respect that I bear unto my much honoured and good friend Mr. Matthew Stradling, gent. I do bequeath unto the said Matthew Stradling, gent. all my black and white horses. The Testator had six black horses, six white horses, and six pued horses.

The Debate therefore was, Whether Le point. or no the said Matthew Stradling should have the said pued horses by virtue of

the said Bequest.

Atkin

Pour le pl.

Atkins apprentice pour le pl. moy semble que le pl. recovera.

And first of all it seemeth expedient to consider what is the nature of horses, and also what is the nature of colours; and so the argument will consequently divide itself in a twofold way, that is to say, the formal part, and substantial part. Horses are the substantial part, or thing bequeathed: black and white the formal or descriptive part.

Horse, in a physical sense, doth import a certain quadrupede or four-footed animal, which by the apt and regular disposition of certain proper and convenient parts, is adapted, fitted and constituted for the use and need of man. Pea, so necessary and conducive was this animal conceived to be to the behoof of the commonweal, that sundry and divers acts of parliament have from time to time been made in favour of horses.

1st. Edw. VI. akes the transporting of horses out of the kingdom, no less a penalty than the forfeiture of 401.

2d and 3d Edward VI. Takes from horse-stealers the benefit of their clergy.

And the Statutes of the 27th and 32d of Hen. VIII. condescend so far as to take care of their very breed: These our wise ancestors prudently forgering, that they could not better take care of their own posterity, than bp also taking care of that of their horses.

And of so great esteem are horses in the epe of the common law, that when a Knight of the Bath committeth any great and enormous crime, his punishment is to have his spurs chopt off with a

cleaver,

« PreviousContinue »