liking. I assure you, the most becoming thing to me in the world is in a campaign periwig to wear one side before and the other cast upon the collateral shoulder. But there is a friend of mine who never talks to me but he throws that which I wear forward upon my shoulder; so that in restoring it to its place I lose two or three hairs out of the lock upon my buttons; though I never touched him in my whole life, and have been acquainted with him these ten years. I have seen my eager friend in danger sometimes of a quarrel by this ill custom, for there are more young gentlemen who can feel than can understand. It would be therefore a good office to my good friend if you advised him not to collar any man but one who knows what he' means, and give it him as a standing precaution in conversation, that none but a very good friend will give him the liberty of being seen, felt, heard and understood all at once. I am, sir,

Your most humble servant,

JOHANNES MISOCHIROSOPHUS.

P. S. I have a sister who saves herself from being handled by one of these manual rhetoricians, by giving him her fan to play with; but I appeal to you in the behalf of us poor helpless men.

SIA,

SHORT CLUB, PAPER 1. No. 91.

I REMEMBER a saying of yours concerning persons in low circumstances of stature, that their littleness

VOL. III.

S

would

would hardly be taken notice of, if they did not manifest a consciousness of it themselves in all their behaviour. Indeed, the observation that no man is ridicu lous for being what he is, but only in the affectation of being something more, is equally true in regard to the mind and the body.

I question not but it will be pleasing to you to hear, that a set of us have formed a society, who are sworn to dare to be short, and boldly bear out the dignity of hittleness under the noses of those enormous engrossers of manhood, those hyperbolical monsters of the species, the tall fellows that overlook us.

The day of our institution was the tenth of December, being the shortest of the year, on which we are to hold an annual feast over a dish of shrimps.

The place we have chosen for this meeting is in the Little Piazza, not without an eye to the neighbourhood of Mr. Powel's opera, for the performers of which we have, as becomes us, a brotherly affection.

At our first resort hither an old woman brought her son to the club-room, desiring he might be educated in this school, because she saw here were finer boys than ordinary. However, this accident no way discouraged our designs. We began with sending invitations to those of a stature not exceeding five foot, to repair to our assembly; but the greater part returned excuses, or pretended they were not qualified.

One said he was indeed but five foot at present, but represented that he should soon exceed that proportion, his periwig-maker and shoe-maker having lately promised him three inches more betwixt them.

Another alleged he was so unfortunate as to have one leg shorter than the other, and whoever had determined his stature to five foot had taken him at a disadvantage;

disadvantage; for when he was mounted on the other leg he was at least five foot two inches and a half.

There were some who questioned the exactness of our measures; and others, instead of complying, returned us informations of people yet shorter than themselves. In a word, almost every one recommended some neighbour or acquaintance, whom he was willing we should look upon to be less than he. We were not a little ashamed that those who are past the years of growth, and whose beards pronounce them men, should be guilty of as many unfair tricks, in this point, as the most aspiring children when they are measured. We therefore proceeded to fit up the club-room, and provide conveniences for our accommodation. In the first place we caused a total removal of all the chairs, stools, and tables, which had served the gross of mankind for many years. The disadvantages we had undergone while we made use of these were unspeakable. The president's whole body was sunk in the elbow-chair, and when his arms were spread over it he appeared (to the great lessening of his dignity) like a child in a go-cart: it was also so wide in the seat, as to give a wag occasion of saying, that notwithstanding the president sat in it there was a sede vacante. The table was so high, that one who came by chance to the door, seeing our chins just above the pewter dishes, took us for a circle of men that sate ready to be shaved, and sent in half a dozen barbers. Another time one of the club spoke contumeliously of the president, imagining he had been absent, when he was only eclipsed by a flask of Florence which stood on the table in a parallel line before his face. We therefore new furnished the room in all respects proportionably to us, and had the door made lower, so as to admit no

man of above five foot high, without brushing his foretop, which whoever does it utterly unqualified to siz among us.

Some of the Statutes of the Club are as follow:

1. If it be proved upon any member, though never so duly qualified, that he strives as much as possible to get above his size, by stretching, cocking, or the like, or that he hath stood on tiptoe in a crowd, with design to be taken for as tall a man as the rest; or hath privily conveyed any large book, cricket, or other device under him, to exalt him on his scat: every such offender shall be sentenced to walk in pumps for a whole month.

II. If any member shall take advantage from the fulness or length of his wig, or any part of his dress, or the immoderate extent of his hat, or otherwise, to seem larger or higher than he is; it is ordered, he shall wear red heels to his shoes,and a red feather in his hat, which may apparently mark and set bounds to the extremities of his small dimension, that all people may readily find him out between his hat and his shoes.

III. If any member shall purchase a horse for his own riding above fourteen hands and a half in height, that horse shall forthwith be sold, a Scotch galloway bought in its stead for him, and the overplus of the money shall treat the club.

IV. If any member, in direct contradiction to the fundamental laws of the society, shall wear the heels of his shoes exceeding one inch and half, it shall be interpreted as an open renunciation of littleness, and the criminal shall instantly be expelled. Note, the form to be used in expelling a member shall be in

these

these words; Go from among us, and be tall if you can!

It is the unanimous opinion of our whole society,, that since the race of mankind is granted to have decreased in stature from the begining to this present, it is the intent of nature itself that men should be little; and we believe that all human kind shall at last grow down to perfection, that is to say, be reduced to our I am, very literally,

@wn measure.

Your humble servant,

BOB SHORT."

SIR,

SHORT CLUB, PAPER 11. No. 92.

THE club rising early this evening, I have time to finish my account of it. You are already acquainted with the nature and design of our institution; the characters of the members, and the topics of our conversation, are what remain for the subject of this epistle.

The most eminent persons of our assembly are a little poet, a little lover, a little politician, and a little hero. The first of these, Dick Distich by name, we have elected president, not only as he is the shortest of us all, but because he has entertained so just a sense of the stature, as to go generally in black that he may appear yet less. Nay, to that perfection is he arrived that he stoops as he walks. The figure of the man is odd enough; he is a lively little creature, with long arms and legs: a spider is no ill emblem of him. He