Men wha grew wise priggin owre hops an' raisins,
Or gather'd lib'ral views in Bonds and Seisins.
If haply Knowledge, on a random tramp,
Had shor'd them wi' a glimmer o' his lamp,
And would to Common-sense for ance betray'd
them,

Plain, dull Stupidity stept kindly in to aid them.

What farther clishmaclaver might been said, What bloody wars, if Sprites had blood to shed, Nae man can tell; but a' before their sight A fairy-train appear'd in order bright: Adown the glittering stream they featly danc'd; Bright to the moon their various dresses glanc'd: They footed owre the wat'ry glass so neat, The infant ice scarce bent beneath their feet: While arts of Minstrelsy among them rung, And soul-ennobling Bards heroic ditties sung. O had M'Lauchlan, thairm-inspiring Sage, Been there to hear this heavenly band engage, When thro' his dear Strathspeys they bore with Highland rage,

Or when they struck auld Scotia's melting airs,
The lover's raptur'd joys or bleeding cares;
How would his Highland lug been nobler fir'd,
And ev❜n his matchless hand with finer touch
inspir'd!

No guess could tell what instrument appear'd,
But all the soul of Music's self was heard;
Harmonious concert rung in every part,
While simple melody pour'd moving on the heart.
The Genius of the Stream in front appears,
A venerable Chief advanc'd in years;

8 A wellknown performer of Scottish music on the violin.

His hoary head with water-lilies crown'd,
His manly leg with garter tangle bound.
Next came the loveliest pair in all the ring,
Sweet Female Beauty hand in hand with Spring;
Then, crown'd with flow'ry hay, came Rural Joy,
And Summer, with his fervid beaming eye:
All-cheering Plenty, with her flowing horn,
Led yellow Autumn wreath'd with nodding corn;
Then Winter's time-bleach'd locks did hoary show,
By Hospitality with cloudless brow;

Next follow'd Courage with his martial stride,
From where the Feal wild-woody coverts hide;
Benevolence, with mild, benignant air,

A female form, came from the tow'rs of Stair: Learning and Worth in equal measures trode From simple Catrine, their long-lov'd abode : Last, white-rob'd Peace, crown'd with a hazel To rustic Agriculture did bequeath [wreath,

The broken iron instruments of death; At sight of whom our Sprites forgat their kindling wrath.

THE ORDINATION.

For sense they little owe to frugal Heav'n-
To please the Mob they hide the little giv'n.

KILMARNOCK Wabsters fidge an' claw,
An' pour your creeshie nations;

An'
ye
wha leather rax an' draw,
O' a' denominations,

Swith to the Laigh Kirk, ane an' a',
An' there tak up your stations;
Then aff to B-gb-'s in a raw,

An' pour divine libations

For joy this day.

Curst Common-sense, that imp o' hell,
Cam in wi' Maggie Lauder';

But O******* aft made her yell,
An' R***** sair misca'd her;
This day M******* taks the flail,
An' he's the boy will blaud her!
He'll clap a shangan on her tail,
An' set the bairns to daub her

Wi' dirt this day.

Mak haste an' turn king David owre,
An' lilt wi' holy clangor;

O' double verse come gie us four,
An' skirl up the Bangor:

This day the kirk kicks up a stoure,
Nae mair the knaves shall wrang her,

For Heresy is in her pow'r,

An' gloriously shall whang her

Wi' pith this day.

Come, let a proper text be read,

An' touch it aff wi' vigour,

How graceless Ham leugh at his Dad,
Which made Canaan a niger;

1 Alluding to a scoffing ballad which was made on the admission of the late Reverend and worthy Mr. L. to the Laigh Kirk.

2 Genesis, ch. ix. ver. 22.

Or Phineas3 drove the murdering blade,
Wi' whore-abhorring rigour;
Or Zipporah, the scauldin jade,
Was like a bluidy tiger

I' th' inn that day.

There, try his mettle on the creed,
An' bind him down wi' caution,
That Stipend is a carnal weed

He taks but for the fashion;
An' gie him owre the flock, to feed,
An' punish each transgression;
Especial, rams that cross the breed,
Gie them sufficient threshin,-

Spare them nae day.

Now, auld Kilmarnock, cock thy tail,
An' toss thy horns fu' canty;

Nae mair thou'lt rowte out-owre the dale,

Because thy pasture's scanty;

For lapfu's large o' gospel kail

Shall fill thy crib in plenty,

An' runts o' grace the pick and wale,

No gi'en by way o' dainty,

But ilka day.

Nae mair by Babel's streams we'll weep,

To think upon our Zion;

And hing our fiddles up to sleep,

Like baby-clouts a-dryin:

Come, screw the pegs wi' tunefu' cheep,

An' o'er the thairms be tryin;

Oh, rare! to see our elbucks wheep,

An' a' like lamb-tails flyin

Fu' fast this day!

3 Numbers, ch. xxv. ver. 8. 4 Exodus, ch. iv. ver. 25.

Lang Patronage, wi' rod o' airn,
Has shor'd the Kirk's undoin,
As lately F-nw-ck, sair forfairn,
Has proven to its ruin :

Our Patron, honest man! Glencairn,
He saw mischief was brewin,
An' like a godly elect bairn,
He's wal'd us out a true ane,

And sound this day.

Now R******* harangue nae mair,
But steek your gab for ever:
Or try the wicked town of A**,
For there they'll think you clever;
Or, nae reflection on your lear,
Ye may commence a Shaver;
Or to the N-th-rt-n repair,
An' turn a Carpet-weaver

Aff-hand this day.

M***** and you were just a match,
We never had sic twa drones:
Auld Hornie did the Laigh Kirk watch,
Just like a winkin baudrons :

An' aye he catch'd the tither wretch,
To fry them in his caudrons:
But now his honour maun detach,
Wi' a' his brimstane squadrons,
Fast, fast this day.

See, see auld Orthodoxy's faes
She's swingein thro' the city:

Hark, how the nine-tail'd cat she plays!
I vow it's unco pretty :