SEQUELA! The General. "You'VE HAD IT, I SUPPOSE?' BALLAD OF THE UNSURPRISED JUDGE. ["Mr. Justice HAWKINS observed, 'I am surprised at nothing." v. Joseph, "Times' " Report, March 27.] ALL hail to Sir HENRY, whom nothing surprises;} "-Pitts As he sits up aloft on the Bench and applies his When a rogue, for example, a company-monger, So, here's to Sir HENRY, the terror of tricksters, as a rule. However, at times when everyone is looking her best, individuals of the inferior sex shall be admitted to the football ground or cricket field, on the condition that they "promise not to laugh." 8. Players at football, cricket, and other games sanctioned by the Association, shall have full liberty to make their own rules and keep their own appointments. They will be usually expected to wait until a match is finished, unless called away to take a drive in the Park, or do a little shopping. 9 and Lastly. As women are as excellent as men at field sports, the members of the Club shall be entitled to the franchise. THE LATEST FROM SOL. SCENE-The Sun. First Solarist discovered reading local journal to Second Solarist. First Solarist. I say, have you seen what this century's Earth says? Second Solarist. No; it's much too hot for reading newspapers. First S. Why, the idiotic people on that ridiculous little planet have just discovered the existence of Helium ! Second S. Dear me! How long have they taken about that? First S. About six thousand years (according to mundane measure), or thereabouts. Second S. They seem to have plenty of leisure on their hands! And now that they have found out Helium, of what use will it be to them ? First S. Oh, that they will pro- Let them try to deceive him, why, bless you, he's been there, ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Lords, Monday, March 25.-Impossible to avoid noticing depression of the MARKISS when he entered House to-night. At first thought feelings of a father had overcome him. CRANBORNE, immediately after eloquent and energetic attack in other House of Welsh Disestablishment Bill, was struck down by indisposition, reported to be measles. That all very well. Do not wish to suggest anything wrong; but coincidence at least remarkable. Measles, the Member for SARK tells me, can be conveyed in various apparently innoxious guises. In a controversy so acrid that GEORGE OSBORNE MORGAN has been publicly accused of profligacy, men will, it is too obvious, go any lengths. At present there is nothing that can be called evidence to connect CBANBORNE's sudden indisposition with current controversy. But if this mysterious attack is followed by symptoms of croup, rickets, teething, or any other complaint usually associated with happy days in the nursery, the public will know what to think. Happily it turned out that the depression of the MARKISS had nothing to do with the condition of the heir of Hatfield. His sympathetic heart been touched by difficulties that environ a worthy class of men whom LORD CHANCELLOR, conscious that COBB's eye is upon "Excellent persons," him, has recently been making magistrates. says the MARKISS; "self-made men. But unfortunately the process of self-manufacture does not include knowledge of the statutes at large." There is the Parish Councils Act, for example; one of those pieces of legislation with which a reckless Radical majority has embarrassed an ancient State. This law has to be administered by people unlearned in Acts of Parliament. They cannot take a step gested was, that in all future legislation there shall be reprinted sections of Acts of Parliament referred to in text of Bill. House listened with admiration to statesman who, his mind engrossed by imperial cares, could find time to think out schemes for easing the pathway of working-men magistrates, and assisting operation of Parish Councils Act. Only, somehow, there was left on minds of hearers a strong impression that working-men magistrates are a mistake, and the Parish Councils Act a public injury, of which the Government ought to be more than ordinarily ashamed. without having sixteen volumes of the statutes at large tucked under one knew better than TOMMY that BRYCE wasn't aboard. According their arms. What the benevolent and thoughtful MARKISS sug- to regulations, he ought to have been. Search made for him. Presently brought in with hands in pockets, trying to whistle, and otherwise present appearance of indifference. But a poor show. Encouraged by this success, Private HANBURY, observing ROBERTSON was among absentees, addressed question to Civil Lord of Admiralty about Peterhead Harbour. HIBBERT's agony of mind at this innoture would have softened harder hearts. An elderly hen, that has counted its brood seven times, on each occasion finding one or two missing, not more perturbed. Looked up and down Treasury Bench. ROBERTSON, not within sight; might be below the Gangway. Vain hope. For Members opposite interest in Peterhead Harbour growing keener and more urgent. FRANCIS POWELL, usually mild-mannered man, went so far as to move to report progess. MELLOR declined to put question. Business done. - More speechmaking round Welsh Disestablishment Bill in Commons. Direfully dull. House of Commons, Tuesday. "Speakers may come, and Speakers may go," said the Member for SARK, "but as long as the House of Commons produces men like VICARY GIBBS the institution is safe, and the State rocks safely on its everlasting foundations. It was, you will remember, VICARY who directly, though undesignedly, led to the row on that famous night in June when Home-Rule Committee was closured. VICARY shares with Heaven the peculiarity that order is his first law. On that particular night somebody had said something, and VICARY wanted to have his words taken down. Amid growing uproar his observations were inaudible to the Chair, and his presence undistinguishable. Some men would thereupon have resumed their seat. VICARY, his soul athirst to have something taken down,' moved on to the Front Opposition Bench, and shouted his desire in MELLOR's left ear. Then LOGAN suddenly loomed large on the scene. HAYES FISHER 64 "Very well," said the Blameless BARTLEY, with air of martyr. "We must go on talking about Peterhead Harbour till the Minister comes in." So he did, and when he ran dry TOMLINSON (having meanwhile ascertained where Peterhead Harbour is) took up the wondrous tale. Talking when HIBBERT reappeared, his breast now swelling with maternal pride and satisfaction. He had found the lost chick, and clucked low notes of supreme content as he brought him back to the roost. Pretty to see how, Civil Lord in his place, all interest in Peterhead Harbour subsided, Busy B's turning their attention to alleged felonious underrating of Government property. Business done. - Vote on Account through Committee. Sir JOHN LENG calls ASQUITH's attention to dangerous occupation of lion-tamers. "All very well," he says, "for doughty knight Friday Night.-"What's the business at to-night's sitting?" asked SQUIRE OF MALWOOD, looking over Orders of the Day. "Home Rule all round? Very well. Shall give practical proof of adherence to principle by stopping at home." JOHN MORLEY did same, most other Ministers following suit. CAWMFL-BANNERMAN sacrificed himself on altar of country. But insisted that he might at least dine out in interval between morning and evening sitting that made last day of Parliamentary week. His snowy shirt front gave air of almost reckless joviality to desolate Treasury Bench. PRINCE ARTHUR, not to be outdone in chivalry, also looked in after dinner, brightening up Front Bench opposite Minister for War. But two swallows don't make a summer, nor two gentlemen in evening dress a festive party. TREVELYAN only man in earnest, and he terribly 80. Business done.-Home Rule all round decreed by majority of 26 in House of 230. reached forth a red right hand and shook him by the collar. Next an | like me. But these poor fellows with families shouldn't be allowed anonymous Irish Member fell over the bench on to SAUNDERSON's knee, to run risks." and was there incontinently but heartily pummelled. After that chaos; all arising out of VICARY GIBBS's insatiable, uncontrollable desire to have something 'taken down' in the sacred name of order." These musings on the mighty past were occasioned by VICARY once more unexpectedly, but sternly and effectively, interposing as the custodian of order. WEIR broken out in epidemic of questions; puts down eleven on the paper; runs them up to the full score by supplementary questions, invariably prefaced by the formula "Is the right hon. gentleman A. WEIR that- -?" A poor joke, its only flash of humour being in the subtly varied tone with which the SPEAKER eleven times pronounced the words, "Mr. WEIR." Also grotesquely funny to hear the reverberation of the deep chest notes, in which WEIB with tragic sweep of pince-nez on to his nose, said in succession, Ques-ti-on one,' "Ques-ti-on two," and so on. Touch of tragedy came in when VICARY, managing to throw into tone and form of question conviction that SQUIRE OF MALWOOD was secretly at bottom of the whole business, asked him whether this was not abuse of forms of the House, calculated to lead to curtailment of valuable privilege. No use SQUIRE assuming air of innocence. House knew all about it. Refreshed and revived by VICARY's timely vindication of law and order, proceeded to business. Business done.-Fourth night's Debate on Welsh Church Disestablishment Bill. The still prevalent dulness varied by speech from PLUNKET; witched the House by music of stately though simple eloquence. Thursday.-Desperate dulness of week further relieved by discovery of new game. TOMMY BOWLES, Inv. House just got into Committee of Supply; Vote on Account under discussion; this covers multitudinous items; every spending department of State concerned. When Committee of Supply deals with Army Estimates, CAWMELLBANNERMAN and the WINSOME WOODALL in their places. The rest of Ministers may go away, knowing that everything is well. The same when Navy Estimates are on, or when particular votes in the Civil Service Estimates are to the fore. Ministers of particular departments affected in their place; the rest at liberty. To-night, as no one knew who might be called on next, all agreed to stop away-all but the faithful HIBBERT. Cap'en TOMMY, as usual, aloft in the Crow's Nest, perceived this weak point. Hauling on the bowline, and making all taut, he bore down swiftly on the Treasury Bench, and hailed it for the President of the Board of Trade. Wanted to talk to BRYCE, he said, about lighthouses. No THE NEW CHIVALRY. ["In a case heard before Judge FRENCH at Shoreditch, the Judge remarked that the plea of infancy was not a very meritorious one. 'No,' replied the defendant, but it's jolly convenient." "—The Globe.] WHEN, toddling along with a swell, I pretend If you've suffered, in polling, a "moral defeat," Then your house is for sale, and, if gifted with brains, IN PRAISE OF THE TRIANGLE. YE countless stars, both great and small, The poetic sky who spangle, Not one of you, that I recall, Has hymned the sweet triangle! With lyre and lute too long, too much, Ye've thrid love's mazy tangle, Yet unresponsive to your touch Have left the sweet triangle. In Praise of Try Angle. And so the Muse commissions me A lay to newly fangle I play the instrument, you see [angle. In praise of my triNo tambourine, no minstrel bones Give forth what HILDA WANGEL Would call such "frightfully thrilling" tones As those of my triangle. No self-respecting band may try To play 'twould simply mangleGood music, unassisted by The silver-tongued triangle. In vain dres STREPHON with a lute Full brave may bray the loud trombone, VOL. CVIII. The stately cold piano may And 'cello some may wrangle- TO THE GRIFFIN. (By Calverlerius Rusticanus.) GRIFFIN, who benignly beamest (So to speak) upon the Strand, To the rustic eye thou seemest Quite superlatively grand. Griffin, grim and grimy Griffin, Few, JOE tells me, will agree With my artless numbers, if in Undiluted praise of thee. Critics, so he says, by dozens Swear thou couldst not well be worse, Yet from one poor country cousin's Pen accept a tribute verse. Some of London's statues now are Fêted richly once a year; Some-it seems a shame, I vow-are Fated to oblivion there. Once a year a primrose bower Draws the folks around for miles, DIZZY blossoms into flower, Almost into" wreathed smiles." Once a year by all the town o'er -whelmed in bays is GORDON seen, Countless wreaths recording "BROWN (or Thus their substance people waste on' Wreaths are sometimes even placed on But I cannot think what JoEmeantNo one-so he said to me In his most expansive moment E'er has twined a wreath for thee! So I cast-in no derision From my 'bus-top garden-seat These few violets, with precision, For thy quaint heraldic air; HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF; OR, THE MODERN ORACLE OF AMMON. "The people (the Libyans) deeming themselves not Egyptians, and being discontented with the institutions, sent to the Oracle of Ammon, saying that they had no relation to the Egyptians. The god, however, said, 'that all the country which the Nile irrigated was Egypt.'"-Herodotus, II., 15. B. 452. "I stated that, in consequence of these claims of ours and the claims of Egypt in the Nile Valley, the British sphere of influence covered the whole of the Nile waterway."-Sir E. Grey in House of Commons, A.D. 1895. John Bull. "YOU SEE, NILUS, THE FATHER OF HISTORY AND I ARE OF THE SAME WAY OF THINKING. SO YOU'RE ALL RIGHT, MY BOY, WHILE I'M HERE!" Nilus. Ah! by the way, friend JOHN, whose head is yonder Protruding the reeds? Mr. Bull (loudly). Humph! Let him ponder What he, perchance, has overheard. No mystery! [tory. I simply hold with the great Sire of HisThe Times and old HERODOTUS quite agree. And both speak for the Oracle-J. B., Or Jupiter Ammon. The Débats may differ (At the French Press, at best, I am no sniffer), But don't you be alarmed by spleenful splutter, Or what mere bouncing boulevardiers utter. From all intruders you'll be safe, if you But trust to the Old Oracle-and the New! Far cry, old boy, from PHAROAH to the GUELPH. Funny how History does repeat itself! See Cartoon "Britannia Discovering the Source of the Nile," p. 233, Vol. XLIV., June 6, 1863. Quotation from the Right Hon. Arth-r B-lf-r's Speech on this subject last week.—“ A GENERAL FALL IN PRICES WAS SAID TO BE GOOD FOR THE CONSUMER." Does it look like it in this instance? [*.* So far the Court is with Mr. A. B-LF-R.] |