THE STUDIO SEEKER'S VADE MECUM. Question. On what occasions do you particularly seek the studios? Answer. On two Sundays in the year-the consecutive sabbaths devoted to the exhibition of proposed academy pictures by "Outsiders." and "A.'s," and "R.A.'s." Q. Do you haunt the abodes of artists at other times ? Q. Then you are not a lover of paintings for their own sake? A. Certainly not; on the contrary, I am, as a rule, a better 'udge of frames than canvases. Q. Then why do you go to St. John's Wood, Chelsea and West Kensington ? A. To see and be seen. Q. Is it necessary to know the artist whose pictures are "on view"? 4. Certainly not. You can usually single him out by the absence of an overcoat, and can generally spot his wife and daughter by the non-appearance of promenading head-gear. Q What have you to do when you have discovered your involuntary host and hostess? 4. To shake hands with them with condescension, and partake of their refreshments with gusto. Q. Will this invasion of the domestic circle be resented ? A. No; because it is highly probable that you will be mistaken for a newspaper Art critic, and respect for the Press in Art circles is universal. Q. Are not artists, as a body, a community of highly accomplished gentlemen ? 4. Certainly; and, consequently, on ordinary occasions entitled to well-merited respect. Q. Then why should that "well-merited respect" be refused to them a month before the May opening of Burlington House? A. Because it is the fashion. Q. Surely this fashion does not exist amongst the better classes of the community? 4. To some extent; although it certainly is in greatest favour with cads and snobs, to say nothing of their female relations. Q. Has any effort been made to stem this tide of unauthorised and unwelcome invasion? 4. In isolated cases the master of the studio has sought the protection of the police to keep his studio free of the unknown and the unknowable. Q. But could not the scandal be removed with the assistance of the leaders of Society? 4. Assuredly. It would only have to become unfashionable to visit studios on the Show Sundays for the painter to be left at peace. Q. Would that be pleasing to the artists? 4. That is the published opinion, but the matter has not been put absolutely to the test. However, the pleasure of the artists is not to be considered when the recreations of Brixton and Tooting are at stake. APRIL FOOLOSOPHY. (By One of Them.) our valiant disregard of danger, our readiness of initiative, our chamFools rush in where angels fear to tread. Well, this only shows pionship of forlorn hopes. We are the heaven-sent leaders of all New" enterprises, whether literary, theatrical, or artistic. It is we who penetrate the mysteries of Bodleyosophy, Beardsleyotechny, and Yellow Astrology. We are the real and only Mahatmaniacs, Sexomaniacs, Miasmaniacs. Among our ranks you will find the Women who Did, the anticonjuGallias, the shedon Keynotes, and all their attendant and Discordant tribe of Jack-asses. We are the elect and proper bell-wethers of mankind. Come to us, then, for guidance. Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise. Folly is therefore the true wisdom. However, this is an Oscarian paradox, which the Divine WILLIAMS has previously plagiarised, and enlarged on at some length, so we will pass on. Fools build houses, but wise men live in them. Exactly so; we are the architects of this generation. The wise man depends on us for his roof and lodging; and without us he would be homeless. We have built "Snookson's Folly" and "Babel Mansions"-half of London, in fact. The jerry-builders have done the rest. handed and indiscriminate generosity. It is we who swell the subA fool and his money are soon parted. A compliment to our openscription list for the last new gold mine or building society; who subsidise insolvent South American Republics; who support the mendicant tramp and the deserving blackmailer. There is no fool like an old fool. That is, the quality of folly improves with keeping, like that of wine. The seniors of our class are thoroughly reliable old fools, and Past Grand Masters in the art of ineptitude. We, fools as we are, know how to pay the proper respect that is due to senility and second-childishness. A fool at forty is a fool indeed. This is a corollary of the preceding aphorism, for it is only at the age of two-score that we attain to years of full indiscretion. We develop later than the rest of humanity; we undergo a severe probation before our claim to the title of complete nincompoop is recognised. Before forty there is yet a chance that the budding ninny may desert, and degenerate into a be depended on for unwisdom, whereas your ordinary wiseacre cuts prig, a Philistine, or a physician. After that age he is safe, and can his back teeth and graduates in common-sense at twenty-one. down; but this needs no further illustration than that provided years Lastly, Fools stand in slippery places-where wise men tumble ago by C. K., in Mr. Punch's pages. NOT FOR THEIR "BEN."-Judging from some of the evidence at the recent trial of Tillett v. "The Morning" (Limited), it probably occurred to the unemployed dockers that they might have been well employed in "docking" B. T.'s salary. BISMARCK'S EIGHTIETH BIRTHDAY: A TARDY TRIBUTE. [Last week the Emperor of GERMANY presented Prince BISMARCK with a sword sheathed in gold as a birthday present.-Vide Daily Papers.] HISTORICAL PARALLEL.-"The notice you have been pleased to take of my labours, had it been early, had been kind; but it has been delayed till I am indifferent, and cannot enjoy it."-Extract from Dr. Johnson's Letter to Lord Chesterfield, February 1755. Sportsman (who has been training a "Dark 'Un" of his own for the "Grand National"). "THERE, MY BOY, THERE'S A FIFTY TO ONE CHANCE FOR YOU! Now, JUST YOU TAKE MY ADVICE, AND GET ON AT ONCE!" Little Greensmith. "GET ON, EH? THANKY! PREFER TO SEE THE LAD ON HIM, THANKY!" BISMARCK'S BIRTHDAY; Or, a Tardy Tribute. ["In the presence of this band I now come to hand my gift to your Serene Highness. I could find no better present than a sword, the noblest weapon of the Germans, a symbol of that weapon which your Highness, with my blessed grandfather, helped to forge, to sharpen, and also to wield-a symbol of that great building-time during which the mortar was blood and iron, a remedy which never fails."-The German Emperor, in presenting a Sword of Honour to Prince Bismarck, in celebration of his eightieth birthday.] ["The notice which you have been pleased to take of my labours, had it been early, had been kind; but it has been delayed till I am indifferent, and cannot enjoy it; till I am solitary, and cannot impart it; till I am known, and do not want it." -Doctor Johnson to the Earl of Chesterfield.] Nor the Dropped Pilot now! The circling years Bring their revenges, and to-day he stands, Age-bowed but firm, amidst the ringing cheers Of the young Monarch's mailed Germanic bands; And with proud patience takes, from lesser hands, The proffered Symbol-sword! Grim face, with years and labours scarred and scored, What marvel should those lines relax awhile To a Saturnian smile? Splendid old Sword-smith, WIELAND of our day, Best wielder of the matchless steel you made, See Cartoon, "Dropping the Pilot," pp. 51, Vol. 98, March 29, 1890. 50- This "Sword of Honour" is but baby play Compared with that tremendous Balsungblade Forged by the mightiest master of his trade Since the great Norseman wrought, For the fierce battle-field where Titans fought. What may the shouting young AMILIAS know Of its great swashing blow? He prates of Brandenburg, Iron and Blood, In swelling royal rhetoric, but you hear The clash of squadrons in war's sternest mood In that " great building-time"; and the boy-cheer Of him who, eager the State-bark to steer, Snatched from your hands the helm, Impetuous Palinurus of the realm,That cheer seems bitter and belated now, Hollow, all sound and show! You forged the blade he flourishes with pride, That new Excalibur, "Unity"; you gave That mighty weapon to Germania's side, You and the iron comrades, silent, brave, Who fought beneath the flag he loves to wave. The man of scanty speech, Who smote and shouted not, in war's dread breach, The valiant Emperor, and his noble son,- As though his own hands bound it to his side. And now he comes like Mars amidst his ranks, And brings-belated thanks! DOING A CATHEDRAL. (A Sketch from the Provinces.) The spaces between the harches of the shrine were originally enriched by valuable gems and mosaics, all of which 'ave now long since disappeared, 'aving been removed by the more devout parties SCENE-The interior of Dulchester Cathedral. TIME About 12.30. ment with recumbent heffigies of Bishop BUTTRESS and Dean who came ere on pilgrimages. In the chapel to your left a monuThe March sunshine slants in pale shafts through the clerestory GURGOYLE, represented laying side by side with clasped 'ands, in windows, leaving the aisles in shadow. From without, the token of the lifelong affection between them. The late Bishop used cawing of rooks and shouts of children at play are faintly to make a rather facetious remark about this tomb. He was in the audible. By the West Door, a party of Intending Sightseers abit of observing that it was the honly instance in his experience of have collected, and the several groups, feeling that it would be a waste of time to observe anything in the building until officially, for appreciation of this instance of episcopal humour, but is pained a Bishop being on friendly terms with his Dean. (He glances round instructed to do so, are engaged in eyeing one another with all to find that it has produced a general gloom; the Evangelical Sightthe genial antipathy and suspicion of true-born Britons. seer, indeed, conveys by another, and a louder snort, his sense that a Bishop ought to set a better example.) In the harched recess to vour right, a monument in painted halibarster to Sir RALPH RING A Stodgy Sightseer (to his friend). Disgraceful, keeping us standing about like this! If I'd only known, I'd have told the head waiter at the "Mitre" to keep back those chops till [He breaks off abruptly, finding that the chops are reverberating from column to column with disproportionate solemnity; a whitehaired and apple-faced verger rustles down from the choir and beckons the party forward benignantly, whereupon they advance with a secret satisfaction at the prospect of getting the cathedral 'done' and having the rest of the day to themselves;" they are conducted to a desk and requested, as a preliminary, to put sixpence apiece in the Restoration Fund box and inscribe their names in a book. Confused Murmurs. Would you put "Portico Lodge, Camden Road, or only London ?" Here, I'd better sign for the lot of you, eh ?... They might provide a better pen-in a cathedral, I do think!..: He might have given all our names in full instead of just "And party"!... Oh, I've been and made a blot-will it matter, should you think?... I never can write my name with people looking on, can you?... I'm sure you've done it beautifully, dear!. Just hold my umbrella while I take off my glove, MARIA.... Oh, why don't they make haste? &c., &c. [The Stodgy Sightseer fumes, feeling that, while they are fiddling, his chops are burning. The Verger. Now, ladies "What did 'e want to go and git the fair 'ump about?" and gentlemen, if you will please to follow me, the portion of the building where we now are is part of the original hedifice founded by EALFRYTHA, wife of Earl BALDRIC, in the year height 'undred heighty-height, though we'ave reason to believe that an even hearlier church was in existence 'ere so far back as the Roman occupation, as is proved by a hancient stone receptacle recently discovered under the crypt and hevidently used for baptismal purposes. A Spectacled S. (who feels it due to herself to put an intelligent question at intervals). What was the method of baptism among the Early Christians ? The Verger. We believe it to 'ave been by total immersion, The Spect. S. Oh? Baptists! The Verger. At the back of the choir, and immediately in front of you, is the shrine, formerly containing the bones of St. Chasuble, with relics of St. Alb. (An Evangelical Sightseer snorts in disapproval.) The 'ollow depressions in the steps leading up to the shrine, which are still visible, were worn away, as you see, by the pilgrims ascending on the knees. (The party verify the depressions conscientiously, ana lick their tongues to express indulgent contempt.) DOVE and his lady, erected immediately after her decease by the disconsolate widower, with a touching inscription in Latin, stating that their ashes would shortly be commingled in the tomb. (He pauses, to allow the ladies of the party to express a becoming sympathy-which they do, by clicks.) Sir RALPH himself, however, is interred in Ficklebury Parish Church, forty mile from this spot, along with his third wife, who survived him. [The ladies regard the image of Sir RALPH with indignation, and pass on; the Verger chuckles faintly at having produced his effect. The Evangelical S. (snuffing the air suspiciously). I'm sorry to perceive that you are in the habit of burning incense here! [He looks sternly at the Verger, as though to imply that it is useless to impose upon him. The Verger. No, Sir, what you smell ain't incense-on'y the vaults after the damp weather we've bin 'aving. [The Evangelical Sightseer drops behind, divided between relief and disappointment. A Plastic S. (to the Verger). What a perfectly exquisite rose-window that is! For all the world like a kaleidoscope. I suppose it dates from the Norman period, at least? The Verger (coldly). No, ma'am, it was on'y put up about thirty year ago. We consider it the poorest glass we 'ave. The Plast. S. Oh, the glass, yes; that's hideous, certainly. I meant the-the other part. The Verger. The tracery, ma'am? That was restored at the same time by a local man-and a shocking job he made of it, too! The Plast. S. Yes, it quite spoils the cathedral, doesn't it? Couldn't it be taken down? The Verger (in answer to another Inquirer), Crowborough Cathedral finer than this, Sir? On, dear me, no. I went over apurpose to 'ave a look at it the last 'oliday I took, and I was quite surprised to find 'ow very inferior it was. The spire? I don't say that mayn't be 'igher as a mere matter of feet, but our lantern-tower is so 'appily proportioned as to give the effect of being by far the 'ighest in existence. A Travelled S. Ah, you should see the continental cathedrals. Why, our towers would hardly come up to the top of the naves of some of them! The Verger (loftily). I don't take no notice of foreign cathedrals, Ma'am. If foreigners like to build so ostentatious, all I can say is, I'm sorry for them. A Lady (who has provided herself with a "Manual of Architecture" and an unsympathetic Companion), Do notice the excessive use of the tall-flower as a decoration, dear. PARKER says it is especially characteristic of this cathedral. Unsympathetic' Companion. I don't see any flowers myself. And if they like to decorate for festivals and that, where's the harm? [The Lady with the Manual perceives that it is hopeless to explain. The Verger. The dog-tooth mouldings round the triforium harches is considered to belong to the best period of Norman work The Lady with the Manual. Surely not Norman? Dog-tooth is Saxon, I always understood. The Verger (indulgently). You'll excuse me, Ma'am, but I fancy it's 'erringbone as is running in your 'ed. The Lady with the M. (after consulting "Parker" for corroboration, in vain). Well, I'm sure dog-tooth is quite Early English, anyway. (To her companion.) Did you know it was the interlacing of the round arches that gave the first idea of the pointed arch, dear? Her Comp. No. But I shouldn't have thought there was so very much in the idea. The Lady with the M. I do wish you took more interest, dear. Look at those two young men who have just come in. They don't look as if they'd care for carving; but they've been studying every one of the Miserere seats in the choir-stalls. That's what I like to see! The Verger. That concludes my dooties, ladies and gentlemen. You can go out by the South Transep door, and that'll take you through the Cloisters. (The Party go out, with the exception of the two 'Arries, who linger, expectantly, and cough in embarrassment.) Was there anything you wished to know? First'Arry. Well, Mister, it's on'y-er'aven't you got some old carving or other 'ere of a rather-well, funny kind-sorter thing you on'y show to gentlemen, if you know what I mean? The Verger (austerely). There's nothing in this Cathedral for gentlemen o' your sort, and I'm surprised at your expecting of it. [He turns on his heel. First Arry (to Second). I spoke civil enough to 'im, didn't I? What did 'e want to go and git the fair 'ump about? Second Arry. Oh, I dunno. But you don't ketch me comin' over to no more cathedrils, and wastin' time and money all for nuthink-that's all! [They tramp out, feeling that their confidence has been imposed upon. She, whose smile is sweetly dimply, Cut me out. She admires you, and she barely MEETING A VERY OLD FRIEND. 66 66 Where am I?" asked ALICE. In the gallery of the Fine Arts Society, 148, New Bond Street." And, please, who has done all these wonderful things?" proached No. 160 in the Catalogue. "Why here I am myself! I am so glad I am like that. What should I have been had I not had so kind an artist to sketch me?" And the possibility opened out such a vista of disasters that ALICE was almost moved to tears. But she soon regained her gaiety when she had glanced at " Winding 'em up" (No. 161), "A Bicycle built for Two" (No. 148), and "The Mask of Momus" (No. 99). "But shall I meet the Knights?" she! asked, after a while. "I should, because I certainly am living in Wonderland." "The great J. T.," was the reply. Then there was a chorus crying, "This is Ard then she fell to admiring them. She the work of the Black and White Knight, the had some difficulty in getting to the draw-greatest of all the Knights-good Sir JOHN." And ALICE agreed in an opinion held by all ings, for every picture was surrounded by a little crowd of worshippers. And she was not the world. in the least surprised, because the devotion had been justly earned. Before her she found a specimen of the labours of nearly half a GENTLE AND SOOTHING OCCUPATION FOR century. Everything good and beautiful. AN OARSMAN.-" Stroking an eight." 'Dear me!" she murmured, as she ap 66 ANOTHER TESTIMONIAL TO THE G. O. M.In recognition of his most recent contribution to sacred literature. Mr. G. is to be presented with the freedom of the Dry-Psalter's company. |