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obligation of being the more ready to enter into it.

a plate of six guineas' value, three heats, by any horse, mare, or gelding, that hath But those men only are truly great, who not won above the value of 51. the winning place their ambition rather in acquiring to horse to be sold for 10l. to carry 10 stone themselves the conscience of worthy enter-weight, if 14 hands high; if above or under prises, than in the prospect of glory which to carry or be allowed weight for inches, attends them. These exalted spirits would and to be entered Friday the 15th, at the rather be secretly the authors of events Swan in Coleshill, before six in the evenwhich are serviceable to mankind, than, ing. Also a plate of less value to be run for without being such, to have the public fame by asses. The same day a gold ring to be of it. Where, therefore, an eminent merit grinned for by men.' is robbed by artifice or detraction, it does but increase by such endeavours of its enemies. The impotent pains which are taken to sully it, or diffuse it among a crowd to the injury of a single person, will naturally produce the contrary effect; the fire will blaze out, and burn up all that attempt to smother what they cannot extinguish.

The first of these diversions that is to be

exhibited by the 10%. race-horses may probably have its use; but the two last, in which the asses and men are concerned, unaccountable. Why they should keep seem to me altogether extraordinary and running asses at Coleshill, or how making mouths turn to account in Warwickshire, There is but one thing necessary to keep more than in any other parts of England, I the possession of true glory, which is, to cannot comprehend. I have looked over hear the opposers of it with patience, and all the Olympic games, and do not find any preserve the virtue by which it was ac- thing in them like an ass-race, or a match quired. When a man is thoroughly per- at grinning. However it be, I am informed suaded that he ought neither to admire, that several asses are now kept in bodywish for, or pursue any thing but what is clothes, and sweated every morning upon exactly his duty, it is not in the power of the heath; and that all the country-fellows seasons, persons, or accidents, to diminish within ten miles of the Swan, grin an hour his value. He only is a great man who can or two in their glasses every morning, in neglect the applause of the multitude, and order to qualify themselves for the 9th of enjoy himself independent of its favour. October. The prize which is proposed to This is indeed an arduous task: but it should be grinned for, has raised such an ambition comfort a glorious spirit that it is the highest step to which human nature can arrive. Triumph, applause, acclamation, are dear to the mind of man; but it is still a more exquisite delight to say to yourself, you have done well, than to hear the whole human race pronounce you glorious, except you yourself can join with them in your own reflections. A mind thus equal and uniform, may be deserted by little fashionable admirers and followers, but will ever be had in reverence by souls like itself. The branches of the oak endure all the seasons of the year, though its leaves fall off in autumn; and these too will be restored with the returning spring.

T.

among the common people of out-grinning one another, that many very discerning the faces in the county; and that a Warpersons are afraid it should spoil most of wickshire man will be known by his grin, as Roman Catholics imagine a Kentish man is by his tail. The gold ring which is made the prize of deformity, is just the reverse of the golden apple that was formerly made the prize of beauty, and should carry for its poesy the old motto inverted:

'Detur tetriori.'

Or, to accommodate it to the capacity of the combatants,

The frightfull'st grinner
Be the winner.

In the meanwhile I would advise a Dutch

No. 173.] Tuesday, September 18, 1711. painter to be present at this great contro

-Remove fera monstra, tuæque
Saxificos vultus, quæcunque ea, tolle Medus.
Ovid, Met. v. 216.
Hence with those monstrous features, and, O! spare
That Gorgon's look, and petrifying stare.--P.

IN a late paper I mentioned the project of an ingenious author for the erecting of several handicraft prizes to be contended for by our British artisans, and the influence they might have towards the improvement of our several manufactures. I have since that been very much surprised by the following advertisement, which I find in the Post-boy of the 11th instant, and again repeated in the Post-boy of the 15th. On the 9th of October next will be run for upon Coleshill-heath in Warwickshire,

versy of faces, in order to make a collection of the most remarkable grins that shall be there exhibited.

I must not here omit an account which I matches from a gentleman, who, upon lately received of one of these grinningreading the above-mentioned advertisement, entertained a coffee-house with the following narrative: Upon the taking of Namure, amidst other public rejoicings made on that occasion, there was a gold ring given by a whig justice of peace to be grinned for. The first competitor that entered the lists, was a black swarthy Frenchman, who accidentally passed that way, and being a man naturally of a withered look, and hard features, promised himself

I would nevertheless leave to the

good success. He was placed upon a table | sion. in the great point of view, and looking upon consideration of those who are the patrons the company, like Milton's Death,

*Grinn'd horribly a ghastly smile—'

His muscles were so drawn together on each side of his face, that he showed twenty teeth at a grin, and put the country in some pain, lest a foreigner should carry away the honour of the day; but upon a further trial they found he was master only of the merry grin.

of this monstrous trial of skill, whether or no they are not guilty, in some measure, of an affront to their species, in treating after this manner the 'human face divine,' and turning that part of us, which has so great an image impressed upon it, into the image of a monkey; whether the raising such silly competitions among the ignorant, proposing prizes for such useless accomplishwith such senseless ambitions, and inspiring ments, filling the common people's heads them with such absurd ideas of superiority and pre-eminence, has not in it something immoral as well as ridiculous.

L.

The next that mounted the table was a malecontent in those days, and a great master in the whole art of grinning, but particularly excelled in the angry grin. He did his part so well, that he is said to have made half a dozen women miscarry; but the justice being apprized by one who stood No. 174.] Wednesday, September 19, 1711. near him, that the fellow who grinned in his face was a Jacobite, and being unwilling Hæc memini et victum frustra contendere Thyrsin. that a disaffected person should win the gold ring, and be looked upon as the best The whole debate in mem`ry I retain, Virg. Ecl. vii. 69. grinner in the country, he ordered the oaths When Thyrsis argued warmly, but in vain.—P. to be tendered unto him upon his quitting the table, which the grinner refusing he THERE is scarce any thing more comwas set aside as an unqualified person. cannot subsist but by their agreement: this mon than animosities between parties that There were several other grotesque figures was well represented in the sedition of the that presented themselves, which it would members of the human body in the old be too tedious to describe. I must not how-Roman fable. It is often the case of lesser ever omit a ploughman who lived in the confederate states against a superior power, farther part of the country, and being very lucky in a pair of long lantern-jaws, wrung his face into such a hideous grimace, that every feature of it appeared under a differ; ent distortion. The whole company stood astonished at such a complicated grin, and were ready to assign the prize to him, had it not been proved by one of his antagonists, that he had practised with verjuice for some days before, and had a crab found upon him at the very time of grinning; upon which the best judges of grinning declared it as their opinion, that he was not to be looked upon as a fair grinner, and therefore or

dered him to be set aside as a cheat.

The prize it seems at length fell upon a cobbler, Giles Gorgon by name, who produced several new grins of his own invention, having been used to cut faces for many years together over his last. At the very first grin he cast every human feature out of his countenance, at the second he became the face of a spout, at the third a baboon, at the fourth a head of a bass-viol, and at the fifth a pair of nut-crackers. The whole assembly wondered at his accomplishments, and bestowed the ring on him unanimously; but, what he esteemed more than all the rest, a country wench, whom he had wooed in vain for above five years before, was so charmed with his grins, and the applauses which he received on all sides, that she married him the week following, and to this day wears the prize upon her finger, the cobbler having made use of it as his wedding ring.

This paper might perhaps seem very impertinent, if it grew serious in the conclu

which are hardly held together, though their unanimity is necessary for their com mon safety; and this is always the case of the landed and trading interests of Great Britain; the trader is fed by the product of the land, and the landed man cannot be clothed but by the skill of the trader: and yet those interests are ever jarring.

a

at our club, in Sir Roger de Coverley and We had last winter an instance of this Sir Andrew Freeport, between whom there is generally a constant, though friendly opposition of opinions. It happened that one of the company, in an historical discourse, proverbial phrase to intimate breach of was observing, that Carthaginian faith was leagues. Sir Roger said it could hardly be otherwise: that the Carthaginians were the greatest traders in the world; and as gain is the chief end of such a people, they never pursue any other: the means to it are never money honestly; but if not, they will not regarded; they will, if it comes easily, get and indeed, what is the whole business of scruple to attain it by fraud, or cozenage: the trader's account, but to overreach him who trusts to his memory? But were not that so, what can there great and noble be fixed upon balancing his books, and watchexpected from him whose attention is ever ing over his expences? And at best let the merchant, how much is his punctual frugality and parsimony be the virtues of dealing below a gentleman's charity to the poor, or hospitality among his neighbours? Captain Sentry observed Sir Andrew very

Livii Hist. Des. 1. Lib. ii. cap ii.

to answer future demands, or to be impertinently sanguine in putting his credit to too great adventure, are all instances of as much infamy, as with gayer nations to be failing in courage, or common honesty.

'Numbers are so much the measure of every thing that is valuable, that it is not possible to demonstrate the success of any

diligent in hearing Sir Roger, and had a reproach. For a man to be mistaken in mind to turn the discourse, by taking notice the calculation of his expense, in his ability in general, from the highest to the lowest parts of human society, there was a secret, though unjust, way among men, of indulging the seeds of ill-nature and envy, by comparing their own state of life to that of another, and grudging the approach of their neighbour to their own happiness; and on the other side, he, who is the less at his ease, repines at the other, who he thinks has un-action, or the prudence of any undertakjustly the advantage over him. Thus the civil and military lists look upon each other with much ill-nature; the soldier repines at the courtier's power, and the courtier rallies the soldier's honour; or, to come to lower instances, the private men in the horse and foot of an army, the carmen and coachmen in the city streets, mutually look upon each other with ill-will, when they are in competition for quarters, or the way in their respective motions.

ing, without them. I say this in answer to what Sir Roger is pleased to say, "that little that is truly noble can be expected from one who is ever poring on his cashbook, or balancing his accounts." When I have my returns from abroad, I can tell to a shilling, by the help of numbers, the profit or loss by my adventure; but I ought also to be able to show that I had reason for making it, either from my own experience or that of other people, or from a reason"It is very well, good captain,' inter- able presumption that my returns will be rupted Sir Andrew: you may attempt to sufficient to answer my expense and hazard; turn the discourse if you think fit; but I and this is never to be done without the must however have a word or two with Sir skill of numbers. For instance, if I am to Roger, who, I see, thinks he has paid me trade to Turkey, I ought beforehand to off, and been very severe upon the mer- know the demand of our manufactures chant. I shall not,' continued he, 'at this there, as well as of their silks in England, time remind Sir Roger of the great and and the customary prices that are given noble monuments of charity and public for both in each country. I ought to have spirit, which have been erected by mer- a clear knowledge of these matters beforechants since the reformation, but at present hand, that I may presume upon sufficient content myself with what he allows us, par- returns to answer the charge of the cargo simony and frugality. If it were consistent I have fitted out, the freight and assurance with the quality of so ancient a baronet as out and home, the customs to the queen, Sir Roger, to keep an account, or measure and the interest of my own money, and bethings by the most infallible way, that of sides all these expenses a reasonable profit numbers, he would prefer our parsimony to myself. Now what is there of scandal in to his hospitality. If to drink so many this skill? What has the merchant done, hogsheads is to be hospitable, we do not that he should be so little in the good graces contend for the fame of that virtue; but it of Sir Roger? He throws down no man's would be worth while to consider, whether inclosures, and tramples upon no man's so many artificers at work ten days together corn; he takes nothing from the industrious by my appointment, or so many peasants labourer; he pays the poor man for his made merry on Sir Roger's charge, are the work; he communicates his profit with men more obliged? I believe the families mankind; by the preparation of his cargo, of the artificers will thank me more than and the manufacture of his returns, he the household of the peasants shall Sir furnishes employment and subsistence to Roger. Sir Roger gives to his men, but I greater numbers than the richest nobleplace mine above the necessity or obliga-man; and even the nobleman is obliged to tion of my bounty. I am in very little pain him for finding out foreign markets for the for the Roman proverb upon the Carthagi-produce of his estate, and for making a nian traders; the Romans were their pro- great addition to his rents: and yet it is cerfessed enemies: I am only sorry no Cartha-tain that none of all these things could be ginian histories have come to our hands: done by him without the exercise of his we might have been taught perhaps by skill in numbers. them some proverbs against the Roman This is the economy of the merchant, generosity, in fighting for, and bestowing and the conduct of the gentleman must be other people's goods. But since Sir Roger the same, unless by scorning to be the has taken occasion, from an old proverb, steward, he resolves the steward shall be to be out of humour with merchants, it the gentleman. The gentleman, no more should be no offence to offer one not quite than the merchant, is able, without the so old, in their defence. When a man hap- help of numbers, to account for the success pens to break in Holland, they say of him of any action, or the prudence of any adthat "he has not kept true accounts." This venture. If, for instance, the chase is his phrase, perhaps, among us, would appear whole adventure, his only returns must be a soft or humourous way of speaking, but the stag's horns in the great hall, and the with that exact nation it bears the highest | fox's nose upon the stable door. Without

[graphic]

MR. SPECTATOR,-I am a young gentleman of a competent fortune, and a suffi- that my young student is touched with a I am afraid, by some lines in this letter, cient taste of learning, to spend five or six distemper which he hardly seems to dream hours every day very agreeably among my books. That I might have nothing to divert of, and is too far gone in it to receive adme from my studies, and to avoid the noise time on the abuse which he mentions, havvice. However, I shall animadvert in due of coaches and chairmen, I have taken lodgings in a very narrow street, not far from Whitehall; but it is be so posted, that my lodgings are directly opposite to those of a Jezebel. You are to know, sir, that a Jezebel (so called by the neighbourhood from displaying her pernicious charms at her window,) appears con- 'MR. SPECTATOR,-I have lately read stantly dressed at her sash, and has a thou- the conclusion of your forty-seventh specusand little tricks and fooleries to attract the lation upon butts with great pleasure, and eyes of all the idle young fellows in the have ever since been thoroughly persuaded neighbourhood. I have seen more than six that one of those gentlemen is extremely persons at once from their several windows necessary to enliven conversation. I had observing the Jezebel I am now complain- an entertainment last week upon the water, ing of. I at first looked on her myself with for a lady to whom I make my addresses, the highest contempt, could divert myself with several of our friends of both sexes. with her airs for half an hour, and after- To divert the company in general, and to wards take up my Plutarch with great show my mistress in particular my genius tranquillity of mind; but was a little vexed for raillery, I took one of the most celeto find that in less than a month she had considerably stolen upon my time, so that I resolved to look at her no more. But the Jezebel, who, as I suppose, might think it a diminution to her honour, to have the

brated butts in town along with me. It is with the utmost shame and confusion that I must acquaint you with the sequel of my adventure. As soon as we were got into the boat, I played a sentence or two at my

butt which I thought very smart, when my | London milliner, I am not able to inform ill genius, who I verily believe inspired you; but among the rest, there was one him purely for my destruction, suggested cherry-coloured riband, consisting of about to him such a reply, as got all the laughter half a dozen yards, made up in the figure on his side. I was dashed at so unexpected of a small head-dress. The aforesaid lady a turn; which the butt perceiving, resolved had the assurance to affirm amidst a circle not to let me recover myself, and pursuing of female inquisitors, who were present at his victory, rallied and tossed me in a most the opening of the box, that this was the unmerciful and barbarous manner until we newest fashion worn at court. Accordingly came to Chelsea. I had some small success the next Sunday, we had several females, while we were eating cheese-cakes; but who came to church with their heads coming home, he renewed his attacks with dressed wholly in ribands, and looked like his former good fortune, and equal diver- so many victims ready to be sacrificed. sion to the whole company. In short, sir, This is still a reigning mode among us. I must ingenuously own that I never was At the same time we have a set of gentleso handled in all my life: and to complete men who take the liberty to appear in all my misfortune, I am since told that the public places without any buttons to their butt, flushed with his late victory, has coats, which they supply with several little made a visit or two to the dear object of silver hasps, though our freshest advices my wishes, so that I am at once in danger from London make no mention of any such of losing all my pretensions to wit, and fashion; and we are something shy of afmy mistress into the bargain. This, sir, fording matter to the button-makers for a is a true account of my present troubles, second petition. which you are the more obliged to assist What I would humbly propose to the me in, as you were yourself in a great public is, that there may be a society measure the cause of them, by recom-erected in London, to consist of the most mending to us an instrument, and not instructing us at the same time how to play upon it.

I have been thinking whether it might not be highly convenient, that all butts should wear an inscription affixed to some part of their bodies, showing on which side they are to be come at, and that if any of them are persons of unequal tempers, there should be some method taken to inform the world at what time it is safe to attack them, and when you had best let them alone. But, submitting these matters to your more serious consideration, I am, sir, yours, &c.' I have indeed, seen and heard of several young gentlemen under the same misfor

skilful persons of both sexes, for the inspection of modes and fashions; and that hereafter no person or persons shall presume to appear singularly habited in any part of the country, without a testimonial from the aforesaid society, that their dress is answerable to the mode at London. By this means, sir, we shall know a little whereabout we are.

'If you could bring this matter to bear, you would very much oblige great numbers of your country friends, and among the rest, your very humble servant.

X

'JACK MODISH.'

tune with my present correspondent. The No. 176.] Friday, September 21, 1711.

best rule I can lay down for them to avoid the like calamities for the future, is thoroughly to consider, not only "Whether their companions are weak," but "Whether themselves are wits."

The following letter comes to me from Exeter, and being credibly informed that what it contains is matter of fact, I shall give it my reader as it was sent to me.

'Exeter, Sept. 7. 'MR. SPECTATOR,-You were pleased in a late speculation to take notice of the inconvenience we lie under in the country, in not being able to keep pace with the fashion. But there is another misfortune which we are subject to, and is no less grievous than the former, which has hitherto escaped your observation. I mean the having things palmed upon us for London fashions, which were never once heard

Parvula, pumilio, xxgay μm, tota merum sal.
Luer. iv. 1155.

A little, pretty, witty, charming she!
THERE are in the following letter, mat-
ters, which I, a bachelor, cannot be sup-
posed to be acquainted with: therefore
shall not pretend to explain upon it until
farther consideration, but leave the author
of the epistle to express his condition his

own way.

'MR. SPECTATOR,-I do not deny but you appear in many of your papers to understand human life pretty well; but there are very many things which you cannot possibly have a true notion of, in a single life; these are such as respect the married state; otherwise I cannot account for your having overlooked a very good sort of people, which are commonly called in scorn "the Hen-peckt. You are to understand A lady of this place had some time since that I am one of those innocent mortals a box of the newest ribands sent down by who suffer derision under that word, for the coach. Whether it was her own ma-being governed by the best of wives. hicious invention, or the wantonness of a would be worth your consideration to enter

of there.

It

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