But these punish themselves. The insolence
Of Cofcus, only, breeds my just offence,
Whom time (which rots all, and makes botches pox,
And plodding on, must make a calf an ox) Hath made a Lawyer; which (alas) of late; But scarce a Poet: jollier of this state,
Than are new-benefic'd Minifters, he throws
Like nets or lime-twigs wheresoe'er he goes
His title of Barrifter on ev'ry wench,
And wooes in language of the Pleas and Bench.*彩 Words, words which would tear
The tender labyrinth of a Maid's soft ear:
More, more than ten Sclavonians scolding, more
Than when winds in our ruin'd Abbyes roar. Then fick with Poetry, and possest with Muse Thou wast, and mad I hop'd; but men which chuse Law practice for meer gain; bold foul repute Worse than imbrothel'd strumpets prostitute. Now like an owl-like watchman he must walk, His hand still at a bill; now he must talk
One, one man only breeds my just offence;
Whom crimes gave wealth, and wealth gave Impudence:
Time, that at last matures a clap to pox,
Whose gentle progress makes a calf an ox,
And brings all natural events to pass,
Hath made him an Attorney of an Afs.
No young divine, new-benefic'd, can be More pert, more proud, more pofitive than he.
What further could I wish the fop to do,
But turn a wit, and scribble verses too; Pierce the soft lab'rinth of a Lady's ear
With rhymes of this per cent. and that per year? Or court a Wife, spread out his wily parts, Like nets or lime-twigs, for rich Widows hearts; Call himself Barrister to ev'ry wench,
And wooe in language of the Pleas and Bench? Language, which Boreas might to Aufter hold More rough than forty Germans when they fcold. Curs'd be the wretch, so venal and so vain :
Paltry and proud, as drabs in Drury-lane. 'Tis such a bounty as was never known, If PETER deigns to help you to your own : What thanks, what praise, if Peter but supplies, And what a folemn face if he denies !
Grave, as when pris'ners shake the head and swear 'Twas only Suretiship that brought 'em there. His Office keeps your Parchment fates entire, He starves with cold to fave them from the fire;
Idly, like prisoners, which whole months will swear, That only furetyship hath brought them there, And to every fuitor lye in every thing, Like a King's Favourite or like a King. Like a wedge in a block, wring to the barre, Bearing like asses, and more shameless farre Than carted whores, lye to the grave Judge; for Bastardy abounds not in King's titles, nor Simony and Sodomy in Church-men's lives, As these things do in him; by these he thrives. Shortly (as th' fea) he'll compass all the land, From Scots to Wight, from Mount to Dover strand. And spying heirs melting with Luxury, Satan will not joy at their fins as he : For (as a thrifty wench scrapes kitchen-stuffe, And barrelling the droppings, and the snuffe Of wafting candles, which in thirty year, Reliquely kept, perchance buys wedding chear) Piecemeal he gets lands, and spends as much time Wringing each acre, as maids pulling prime. In parchment then, large as the fields, he draws Afsurances, big as gloss'd civil laws, So huge that men (in our times forwardness) Are Fathers of the Church for writing less. These he writes not; nor for these written payes, Therefore spares no length, (as in those first dayes
For you he walks the streets thro' rain or duft, For not in Chariots Peter puts his truft;
For you he sweats and labours at the laws, Takes God to witness he affects your cause, And lies to ev'ry Lord in ev'ry thing, Like a King's Favourite or like a King. These are the talents that adorn them all, From wicked Waters ev'n to godly * * Not more of Simony beneath black gowns, Nor more of bastardy in heirs to Crowns. In shillings and in pence at first they deal; And steal so little, few perceive they steal; Till, like the Sea, they compass all the land, From Scots to Wight, from Mount to Dover strand: 85 And when rank Widows purchase luscious nights, Or when a Duke to fanfen punts at White's,
Or City-heir in mortgage melts away;
Satan himself feels far less joy than they. Piccemeal they win this acre first, then that, Glean on, and gather up the whole estate. Then strongly fencing ill-got wealth by law, Indentures, Cov'nants, Articles they draw, Large as the fields themselves, and larger far Than Civil Codes, with all their Gloffes, are; 95
So vast, our new Divines, we must confess,
Are Fathers of the Church for writing less.
But let them write for you, each rogue impairs The deeds, and dextrously omits, fes heires:
When Luther was profest, he did defire Short Pater-nofters, saying as a Fryer
Each day his Beads; but having left those laws,
Adds to Christ's prayer, the power and glory clause) But when he fells or changes land, h'impaires The writings, and (unwatch'd) leaves out, fes heires, As flily as any Commenter goes by Hard words, or sense; or, in Divinity As controverters in vouch'd Texts, leave out
Shrewd words, which might againft them clear the
Where are these spread woods which cloath'd here
Those bought lands? not built, not burnt within
Where the old landlords troops, and almes? In halls Carthufian Fasts, and fulsome Bacchanals
Equally I hate. Mean's blest. In rich men's homes I bid kill fome beasts, but no hecatombs ;
None starve, none surfeit so. But (oh) we allow Good works as good, but out of fashion now, Like old rich wardrobes. But my words none draws Within the vaft reach of th' huge ftatutes jawes.
VER. 127. Treason, or the Law.] By the Law is here meant the Lawyers.
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